Extreme Customer Service

[radiantchicken]

Who: Torin and Tony
Where: Espresso Yourself
When: Monday, October 27
What: Torin handles customer complaints in an unorthodox fashion.
Warnings: Stupid customer tricks and infatuated, make-out-prone hipsters.


It was a fact of life in any aspect of the service industry that some customers would be more difficult than others. The hipster at the counter was no exception. "This iced coffee is too cold!" groused the sterling example of a customer. "Coffee is supposed to be hot!" He made a noise of disgust as he leaned back on the counter and took out his phone, presumably to take to his hipster social media platform of choice.

"So you wanted it hot," Torin repeated incredulously. The customer had whined enough that a manager was called out, and now the manager was really regretting getting dragged into this.

"Of course!" The hipster made a noise of condescending irritation.

"You wanted it hot, but you wanted ice in it." Torin just wanted to make sure he had this right before he went and did something rash. The conversation had been going around in circles for at least ten minutes, and it was clear that the customer was determined not to be satisfied. This was because the customer seemed to lack a basic grasp of how the world worked. The staff was running out of options.

"Why is that so hard to understand, you stupid bird?!" The hipster slammed a hand down on the counter.

Torin resisted the urge to point out that it was hard to understand because any child would be able to say that ice was cold, and that he was legitimately impressed by the sheer magnitude of the stupidity on display here. He could only hope that whoever the hipster vented to online would point out the obvious fallacies here for him, but he had a feeling he would not be so lucky. There would be no arguing here. He would have better luck arguing with the urinal in the men's room. "If you'll excuse me just a moment..." And he turned to return to his office--and a decent sniping spot. His hand reached into the inner pocket of his robe where he kept his gun and batteries. "Brave in," he muttered under his breath as he withdrew the pink battery and pressed a button on the side, activating its charge.

The loud shout of "GABURINCHO! STYMERO!" as Torin took the battery and loaded the weapon in his office would hopefully only be heard by the staff, though if any of those staff members were aware of the noisy nature of the strange, dinosaur-shaped handgun Torin had taken to carrying around, they just might be a little alarmed. Even if they didn't know what the source of that noise was, they just might want to investigate before Torin used the strange revolver. After all, it's not like the manager to just leave an irate customer, no matter how dumb, hanging.

Comments

[oncedevil]

You see this bullshit, Torin? Do you see what he has to deal with? To his credit, and in large due to the incredible help of his now distinctly western drawl, Tony had kept his temper with this one. No coffee down the shirt, no beard-mop across the counter. Frankly he feels that he's done well in fetching the manager instead.

This guy was spectacularly Grade-A Stupid, though it was possible it was a farce to try to get a rise out of one of the employees more well known for violent outbursts. Fodder for the hornet's nest perhaps? Or simply acting out on a dare, attempts to prove their courage or some crap like that.

However, Tony couldn't help but be surprised that Torin left the both of them hanging. He blinked after the bird man, then shot his decidedly flat look back at the hipster while he loudly demanded to know where the hell Torin was going.

"He'll be right back, you mind? I got other customers to help here." He wasn't the friendliest at the best of times, but it also wasn't expected of him. Part of the charm of Espresso Yourself was the helping of dry sarcasm and occasional growling that came with your coffee.

He did pick up on that strange shout, however, and had to wonder just what Torin was up to back there. Don't be shooting customers, Torin, we don't need another scandal.

[radiantchicken]

Torin cautiously peeked out from his office. The hipster was thankfully not looking his way, and was instead loudly complaining to someone else standing in line. Good. Because he actually was planning on shooting someone.

The birdman took careful aim and pulled the trigger, and a pink burst flew out and hit the complaining hipster. Unfortunately, it hit right as the hipster turned to look at something counterward. Torin hurriedly tucked the gun back into his robes and stepped out from the office again. Had anyone noticed that pink flash? Had anyone heard the noise the gun had made, a shriek of "VAMOLA! MEROOOOOOOOO!" when it fired?

And, more importantly, who had the hipster been looking at when he got hit? For that poor unfortunate soul would have to deal with the effects of Torin's attack until it wore off.

[oncedevil]

Even the rest of the customers were starting to get annoyed with this guy. Couldn't Tony just kick him out? Come on, it'd make everyone's day easier. Tony did his best to try to ignore the hipster and continue working, although he really couldn't help the sarcasm that just spilled out of him. It was a side-effect of being fed-up.

Tony jerked at the flash, shooting Torin a most suspicious look, but it was quickly interrupted by hipster leaning over the counter at him. "Has anyone ever told you you have lovely eyes?"

What. "What," Torin. You are dead. "I only have one eye, dude." Tony responded sourly. If this were an anime twenty question marks would have suddenly sprung into existence above his head, and one of those frustrated sweat-drop things as well. Is this happening right now Torin what did you do.

[radiantchicken]

Oh. Oh, dear. The hipster just had to turn his head at the worst possible moment, considering that the effects of Stymero meant that he'd be infatuated with the first person he saw. Torin had hoped it would have been the lonely-looking gentleman in the corner who had been lamenting about a bad breakup earlier, or perhaps another customer who might desire a sudden flirty friend, but not poor Tony. He should have taken Tony into the office with him.

So he'll just step out there and try to shoo the hipster away. "If you're done here, he really needs to get back to work."

[oncedevil]

Torin, you owe him big for this. A sandwich at the very least, you understand? "Isn't it about time for a break?" Hipster insisted, still leering creepily at Tony who was leaning away from him at such an awkward angle he looked like he might just topple right over. Poor kid went from bored and annoyed to deer caught in headlights in a few seconds flat.

"L-look, pal, I'm real busy,"

"Are you sure you can't have a break?" And he went so far as to try to catch Tony's wrist, but he jumped back with a squawk just in time. Then shot Torin an accusatory look, birdman had something to do with this didn't he?

[radiantchicken]

"He just took a break," Torin cut in. "Only minutes ago. He doesn't get another one for four hours." He figured that would be more than enough time for this to wear off; the hipster would be back to normal in an hour.

Torin gave Tony sort of an apologetic shrug at this accusatory look, because he knew darn well this was his fault. At least he would make up for it with paid vacation later? And lunch on him? Yay?

[oncedevil]

"Speaking of, I should really get back to... uh... cleaning. The entire back room. It's going to take all night. Yeah." Tony chimed in nervously, trying to worm his way back behind Torin and away from this strange hipster that was giving him the weirdest looks.

"Need some company?"

"Employees only!" Lunch is an acceptable apology, paid time off is even better. He might need it, depending on how long this guy stays under the influence.

[radiantchicken]

"The back room's filthy," Torin agreed, "You'll have to vacuum and steam-clean it. Twice." He moved to try to shield Tony from the lovesick hipster even more, flaring out a wing in order to offer poor Tony a little more cover. "I want it spotless this time." That wing started gently nudging Tony to hurry towards the back. This was his mess,and he'd try to handle the hipster as best he could without Tony getting subjected to any more awkwardness.

[oncedevil]

"Yeah I better get on that, don't wanna get another write-up," Okay he'd never actually gotten a write-up. Pretty sure L didn't have a concept of handing out punishments, actually, and Tony had never intentionally screwed up or slacked off anyway. He worked his hardest even if half the time he had no idea what he was doing.

Not that that had any merit on the current situation.

Tony was more than happy to take the nudging hint, and promptly absconded away into the back, leaving the poor sap looking like his world had just collapsed out from under him. Tony, meanwhile, found a good quite place to hide among the stock and find some other kind of work to do that would keep him away from the front. Hopefully hipster guy would forget his infatuation by the time his shift was up.

[radiantchicken]

After a little while, long enough for Torin to coax the hipster into waiting outside, staring sadly into the window and looking like a lost puppy, Torin came looking for Tony. "I believe I owe you an apology." Torin looked down at the pink dinosaur battery he was holding in one of his hands. "I did not think he was looking at you when he got hit"

[oncedevil]

Tony had found things to busy himself with. Checking their stock, making sure things were rotated where necessary, bit of cleaning. It was kind of boring since he did that so often as it was there really wasn't a whole lot that needed worked on. This was his safe space when he couldn't handle customers anymore.

He glanced up from where he was working moving some shelves to sweep under, peering around at Torin with the flattest of flat looks. "The hell was that all about anyway?"

[radiantchicken]

"He was causing problems. I...thought it might be best to distract him. It worked well enough on those protestors..." Torin sighed and withdrew a weird blue gun from his robes. "So I shot him, and I used this." He also produces a pink battery. "The Stymero battery causes the victim to feel...infatuated with the first person they see. When I took the shot, he was looking out the window, but he'd turned his head before I could do anything."

[oncedevil]

"Well you sure distracted him alright," Tony grumbled in irritation. He really couldn't stay too mad, it was funny aside from the incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. Also, Torin, your gun looks like a cheap water gun from a toy store. "Shit, well that explains that. That gonna wear off or do I need to worry about getting some really bad poetry slipped under the door every morning?"

[radiantchicken]

"It'll wear off," Torin says reassuringly. "I expended the battery's charge on him, so it won't hold for long." Just long enough for things to get really uncomfortable, sadly. "If it makes you feel any better, the first time I used it, I accidentally hit a homeless man. He behaved in the same manner towards me."

[oncedevil]

"Phew, that's a relief. Asshole neck-beards aren't really my type," Knowing it's temporary makes it so much easier to joke about. At least Torin had good intentions, Tony won't hold it against him. And in hindsight it is kind of funny? He did snort a little laugh at that story. "Geeze, you gotta be more careful where you aim that thing. Think we could use it to mess with someone?" Tony no.

[radiantchicken]

"It's a power to be used responsibly," Torin reminds Tony, "Though if it's messing with someone who needs to be taught to behave better, or used as a nonviolent means of stopping someone from causing trouble..."

[oncedevil]

"Says the guy who made a hipster fall in love with me," He replies pointedly before shrugging and leaning back. "Yeah, yeah, I know. It was a funny idea though all the same." But yes, he knows better. Don't use that kind of thing just because it'd be fun, that won't help the Numbered's image in the least.

[radiantchicken]

"It's hard to be responsible all the time," Torin says innocently. "And I felt that at the time, it might be safer to redirect his energies. I just didn't know they'd be on you." He sighs. "Next time, I suppose I'll just have to fluff up my feathers and look intimidating. That tends to work well, too."

[oncedevil]

"Pff," Well at least he acknowledges it. And come on, Tony's 18 of course he isn't responsible. "Ah well I guess it all worked out. I didn't have to mop the counter with his beard at the very least."

See he was good he didn't pull an L.

[radiantchicken]

"That's appreciated. The fewer customers we manage to physically assault, the better it is for business." It's very simple, really. Torin's rather glad Tony didn't pull an L, good job.