savetheearth | Adventure 02

[So, ever since he's found the network, Arthur has been so excited at finding a bunch of new people to talk to. And he's been trying quite hard to talk with everyone! Over the past few days, he's left a series of messages on the network of varying levels of unimportance. Indulge him? Tell him to quit spamming with this mess? Pick your poison; just specify which message you're replying to!]

[Text and Picture, Backdated to Saturday, May 25]

HOW HARD DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE TO ADOPT ONE OF THESE

IT WOULD BE GREAT WE COULD HAVE SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER

[Video, Backdated to Sunday, May 26]

[So it's late at night, but look, there's Arthur making another video transmission. He's pointing it at the TV, which is playing a commercial for some spray-can sealant that seals stuff so well, it can even make a functional raft out of a screen door.]

Do you think that stuff actually WORKS?

[Video, Backdated to Monday, May 27]

[The video feed opens, and once again, Arthur is sitting there with Slippy, his goldfish.]

Look! Slippy's learned a new trick! Slippy! What's four plus four?

[The fish will swim around in a quick figure 8. It can't really do math; it just knows that when Arthur asks it what four plus four is, it is to swim around in this pattern.]

OUTRAGEOUS, isn't it?

[Doodle on a Paper Bag, Backdated to Tuesday, May 28]

[Arthur's stuck in traffic, so what better way to pass the time than to doodle on a paper bag? He's made a goofy cartoony drawing of a smiling fish with a speech bubble proudly proclaiming "HELLO!" to everyone.]

[Forwarded Email, Backdated to Wednesday, May 29]

[Arthur has decided to brighten everyone's day, so he has forwarded an email to the entire network! It's quite obviously a forwarded email and not something Arthur has written himself (attached is a list of email addresses of every poor person who was ever sent this thing, and it's probably been making the rounds since 2003 or so), but it's still bad enough.]

just remember that you are important

S~M~I~L~E

*~*~*~*~*~*~*tomorrow is going to be a great day*~*~*~*~*~*~*

[The message runs on a lot longer in a similar fashion all "inspirational"-like and in "whimsical" purple Comic Sans. He really shouldn't pass on any more emails Granny Curry sends him...]

[Video, Thursday, May 30"]

[Arthur's cheerfully waving at the camera before starting to speak.]

So, I got thrown out of the grocery store today! Can you BELIEVE that? All I was trying to do was to have a nice conversation with the lobsters, and they threw me out, just like that! I was even trying to be quiet about it, too...!

[And now he's holding up a live lobster.]

At least they still let me take Charlene here home!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[[He nods, almost thoughtful as he looks out the window where there's the faint chirp of a bird]]

What sort of things do they say?

Lots of things! Sometimes they'll talk about how hungry they are, or what the water's like, or what they see on the other side of the glass, if they're in a tank.

When I first started doing it, I got to talk with dolphins! They were just happy someone understood them!

[[a warm smile. That sounds actually really nice]]

I wonder if that's the same for birds...

You know, I don't know! I can't talk to birds!

[He considers this.]

Maybe we should ask a parrot!

Parrots only mimic human speech. Even ones with large vocabularies don't have the ability to hold meaningful conversations in human language. Those who have been shown to answer questions correctly are likely only pairing the matching sounds of question and answer. To ask one any sort of meaningful question wouldn't result in a cohesive answer as it would involve too many abstract concepts that likely don't have any parallel that we can understand in avian species.

[[Someone has done a lot of research on birds...]]

REALLY?

[He sounds ABSOLUTELY ASTONISHED at this.]

You mean all those parrots I've seen over the years really DIDN'T want crackers?

They likely want a treat and are saying what they have learned will get them that treat. Most animals will repeat behaviors associated with rewards without attributing any meaning to the action other than the reward.

Unless it's a specially made cracker for birds, it's likely they'd prefer some fruit or unprocessed grains.

Huh! They really DON'T like crackers?

[There's a pause as he mulls this over.]

Makes you wonder what ELSE they don't teach you in school...

[Or what other biology classes he slept through.]

Most schools focus on the core curriculum rather than small trivia. The foundation for knowing things like that would be learned in a basic psychology class, however, or in a class on animal behavior.

[[Guess who was in a rich kids private school and took all sorts of neat classes before he went on to college?]]

[Arthur played football at a public school in Texas; he's lucky he can read.]

The closest thing we took to animal behavior was an agriculture class! Closest we came to studying parrots there was when they taught us how to take care of chickens!

[[blink blink.]]

...that's a strange school...

Well, y'know, there were a lot of classes that were supposed to prepare you for a trade, if you weren't planning on going to college!

[There's a proud grin.]

But I went, for a little while! On a football scholarship!

[Not that he lasted long before he partied himself out of there...but he tried. Kinda.]

...Sports are dangerous... you could have been hurt.

And I did get hurt once or twice!

[There's a laugh.]

But I survived. And more importantly, I had fun! You can't have fun without a little bit of risk!

[[a moment's pause]]

No, that isn't true. Risk is what makes it unsafe and things that aren't safe cannot be fun...

But risk lends a bit of unpredictability to life! If things stay predictable, then they get BORING!

[[blink blink blink. Nope. He's not at all understanding this at all.]]

But you stay safe...

It's a trade-off! You trade a little bit of safety for a bit of EXCITEMENT! Nothing's entirely risk-free--you might as well embrace it!

[[blink blink. Blink blink. Bliiiink.]]

..Mother would get upset....

Awww, your mom doesn't want you to get hurt, yeah, but it's not good to be TOO cautious! You've got to cut the apron strings! Live a little!

[[blink blink.]]

..why would being hurt help you live?

[[Point? Missed. Utterly.]]

It's about the EXPERIENCE! Doing new things! Making life RICHER!

[You're killing him, kid.]

But you can't experience things if you get hurt....

Sometimes, getting hurt is just part of the experience! If you get hurt while doing something, you're really gonna learn from it because you don't want it to happen again!

[Not unlike Arthur's love life.]

Wouldn't you just learn not to take risks...?

[Video]

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