savetheearth | Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? [closed]

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Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? [closed]

Who: L and Tony, open to Richard too
What: Shit's going down in Vegas but two guys who have only just been released from the hospital would rather not get mixed up in more too soon.
When: Early morning, 23rd
Where: Richard's place
Warnings: Angst

After being released from the hospital, L was too skittish to stay in the apartment for long. If the Mafia knew about him, they'd undoubtedly staked out where he lived, and it would be foolish to return to his residence. So he'd checked into a hotel suite, calling and urging Belle to join him for her own safety... and watching the news in tense, solitary silence, curled up motionless on the room's bed after taking several doses of a mood stabilizer he'd been prescribed, and one dose of something he hadn't been.

He also kept track of the network, or tried to, which allowed him to notice Tony struggling. He spoke his answers to the conundrum softly, encouraging discretion and that the teenager also make his way to the hotel. Richard, fortunately, had caught the ill-advised nature of that encouragement, and though it had come from a place of what passed for good intentions, L couldn't deny that it wasn't wise.

Not that it mattered much. Though Richard had offered to pick him up, he left shortly after speaking with Tony, drifting out of the hotel lobby. No one noticed that he wasn't wearing shoes, including L himself. He shuffled along in a medicated haze, pausing halfway across a bridge to peer down at the water running under it. When he turned again, it was to realize that he wasn't entirely certain about the way he had come and the direction he was supposed to be going.

A car approached him, slowing down as it drew nearer, and there wasn't time to even think about it before he was off at a sprint, bare feet pounding pavement as he realized he shouldn't have left his hotel room.

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He couldn't believe what he was seeing when he spotted L in the glare of the headlights, shuffling along with bare feet like he'd just walked out of a hospital room. Then again, it wasn't that far from the truth.

"There he is," he muttered to Tony, tucked down into the passenger seat, as he sighed and slowed the vehicle, preparing to pull over and usher the other man into the car.

Then, suddenly, he was running. Richard swore, unbuckling his seat belt and throwing open the door, tossing a stay here over his shoulder before, between one moment and the next, he was a blur of movement and then he was gone.

A heartbeat later and he was catching up to L. A quick gasp of breath and another beat later, he was close enough to reach out and grab his wrist while he tried not to lose his own balance. He was going to have to practice that.

"L! It's me."

How did they find me so quickly? I'm not going. They're not taking me alive...!

He started to slip through the bridge's guardrail, seeing it as a foolproof way to remain silent, and he felt like such a fool, but before he could make it over the side, his wrist was being seized, and the pain as the sensitive area was being tugged on was enough to bring him to his knees. As he went down, he kicked out toward his attacker, the blow failing to connect.

I can't go through that again.

Richard's familiar voice was probably the only thing that could have retrieved him from the state of desperate despair he was swiftly sinking into. His head snapped up, wild, glassy eyes meeting Richard's as he slumped against the guardrail.

"I thought... I didn't know you were..." he stammered, looking utterly stricken.

He hadn't even thought before he'd caught his wrist, more focused on making sure he didn't get any further (and potentially into trouble). When he went down, the kick aimed out at him was neatly dodged and he shifted his grip up to L's hand, holding on just tightly enough to keep him from trying to flee again.

"It's okay, it's alright," he responded quickly, dropping to a knee and gently gripping L's shoulder. Somehow, bringing him over to his place was seeming like more and more of a good idea.

"C'mon, get up. Tony's in the car."

Torn between the order and his desire to help Tony hesitated, he wanted to stay and to help chase L down. That desire, however, proved to be unnecessary as Richard moved at a speed he couldn't even comprehend. A blur, and he was at L's side dragging the man back from slipping through the rails and disappearing.

Making up his mind he stepped out of the car, but lingered near the headlights, not moving to far. Richard had told him to stay but not that he had to stay in the car. He held back for now, peering at the two in the light of the headlights. A sigh of relief that L appeared to be well enough, if stricken and why on earth was he not wearing any shoes?

Anchored in place by Richard's firm, protective hold, L peered back over his shoulder at the dark water rushing by below them, and the crushing realization of what had almost happened hit him like a ton of bricks. Wanting to put as much distance between himself and the guardrail as possible, he bolted forward, and the result was him burying his face in Richard's shoulder and clinging to him like a lifeline.

"Yeah, let's... let's get in the car..." he answered shakily, standing, backing toward the street and walking briskly toward the headlights, where he saw Tony silhouetted against the glare. It made it impossible to see the teen's eyes, which was unfortunate, because L needed to see the answer to a very important question somewhere.

How badly did I mess up?

In that brief moment that L was so suddenly, incredibly close, he got his arm around the other man's shoulders and gave a gentle, reassuring squeeze. As he stood, Richard pushed himself back up to his feet and gave a brief glance to the water flowing under the bridge. The realisation of just what he'd diverted hit him like something solid.

He followed after him, raising one hand to Tony as they returned. Once there, he paused by the driver side door, waiting for them both to get into the car before he did.

Once they were moving away from the guardrail and the danger beneath, it Tony relaxed, shuffling to open the door for L. He was watching the two in silent wonder, more than a little awed at how Richard moved so quickly. And worried about L's current state.

Maybe it was for the best they brought him with them, alone in a hotel room wasn't doing him any favors. There was no judgement in his eye, just worry and fear. Once they were both returned and at Least L seated, Tony slid back into his own seat, quickly buckled up, and took his usual position of ducking down as low as he could so he didn't have to see too much of the road or the fact that they were driving.

"You okay?" He murmured at L over his shoulder.

Before getting in the car, L brushed one of the soles of his feet against the leg of his jeans. Gravel fell away from it, leaving little pocked craters in the reddened skin.

I'm not wearing shoes. Why didn't I notice that? Why don't I notice pain as much, now?

He slid into the car's backseat, feeling a lot like an errant, chastised kid. The resignation as he surrendered himself to the keeping of someone else reminding him of the time he'd been arrested, or the time that Tony had led an eerily compliant man toward the kitchen for food shortly before the break-in at Espresso Yourself. His limitations were real, and they resulted in a need to be steered and guided back on track when they were exceeded. Unfortunately, even at his best L tended to be unskilled at gauging these limitations.

He leaned sideways, resting his head against the window, raising his hand to his mouth to stifle a derisive laugh at Tony's question. He managed a nod, though, maybe too quick and jerky to pass as sincere.

"Buckle up," Richard said, pulling smoothly out onto the road. He was always careful with driving when he had Tony in the car these days, knowing how much he hated it (but he wasn't going to leave him in the house alone, either) so there was little chance of him crashing, but he wasn't going to take the chance regardless.

He caught the nod that L gave to Tony in the rear-view mirror, but thought better of commenting on it. His fingers were clenched tight around the steering wheel as he drove, his mind turning over. He was going to have to explain to Tony exactly what he'd just done, when he didn't yet fully understand it.

They could talk about it when they got home.

Tony was grateful for the care Richard took when driving him. He knew he needed to work on his fear, and honestly getting into a car at all was a huge step, but of all the things in the world to be afraid of riding in a car was probably fairly inconvenient. And annoying. One step at a time.

L needed help, that was all. It was probably embarrassing for the man, Tony realized, but there wasn't much to be done about it. If they hadn't had found him what else might have happened? Another car swerved too close and he actually did make it through that guardrail? Would he have shown up in the papers come morning, man found drowned by the river side? He didn't want to think about it. But, he didn't want to voice the fears and concerns, they'd only make things worse.

Instead he just stayed quiet and slumped in his seat while Richard drove them back. He didn't find the nod very convincing either, but he wasn't going to argue about it.

L reached for his seat belt, attempting, several times, to fasten it. When it failed to connect, due to a combination of lack of coordination and shaking hands, he let it slide back to its starting point, sullenly watching the passing lights and shadows.

Talking and asking for help were both difficult. His detective, the one who had given him the confidence to try to make a difference and failed him when the time had come to actually do it, wasn't who he thought he was. 12 deaths were because of him, and that was one fell strike in one lone case. And L was responsible for Moises' final moments, and what had almost been Tony's death. It was a lot of responsibility for someone to handle alone, almost as heavy and cold as the water they were driving away from.

Belle hadn't let him check into White Pines; she'd begged him not to, saying it was unlikely he'd ever leave if he did. She'd managed to change his mind, but now he was wondering what was left of it. The bridge had been an escape, a way to keep his promise, an alternative to more of what he was running from. It hadn't been what it had doubtless looked like to Richard: an act motivated by the same hopelessness that had driven him to take blood thinners for two weeks and then calmly draw a bath like any other five years ago. There had been nothing calm or deliberate about the incident on the bridge. It had been motivated by fear so powerful that foresight and awareness of consequence had been utterly muted.

His toes curled against the ridged rubber mat at his feet. He'd contacted Tony to offer safety, reassurance, and help, utterly overlooking the fact that he wasn't in any position to offer any of the things he was desperately lacking. Until now; it seemed like Richard had been absolutely sincere when he'd told L in the hospital that he wouldn't have to cope alone.

What it had looked like to Richard, in that moment, was a terrified man fleeing from what he thought he'd seen. Not a friend, but a pursuer. If he hadn't called out L's name as he'd grabbed him, who knew what might have happened.

Richard flicked the radio on, turned the volume down so it was little more than something to break the silence. From the speakers, slight tuned out from the right radio band, Carly Rae Jepson played under a soft fuzz of static.

A few notes in, he was unintentionally humming along and gently tapping his finger along to the chorus.

Richard had been telling the truth that L wouldn't have to cope alone, but no one could make L not do it to himself. However, he was among friends, among safety and very much not alone. The kid tucked into the seat ahead of him had been there as well, after all, and was pretty determined to make sure L didn't go bury himself in a hole somewhere trying to escape himself.

If Tony couldn't do it neither could L so there.

He perked a little at the song on the radio, more because he recognized it than enjoyed it. The position he'd spent much of his life in had left him blind to many pop culture references. To him it was just a silly, upbeat song that Richard really seemed to like.

You're gonna sing it aren't you Richard, Tony sees what you're doing there.

The song was jarringly cheerful, but it was better than heavy, contemplative silence that was the alternative on the car ride home. They all had a lot on their minds, it had already been a tense and strange night, and some mindless, inappropriate, mood-straining pop music was perhaps just what they all needed.

By the time they reached Richard's house, L felt calmer, though that might have been because he was coming down from his over-administered and mixed medication. He leaned against the door, opening it and stepping outside the vehicle, waiting quietly and patiently for the others. For now, at least, it seemed to have sunken in that wandering off alone was a terrible idea.

Richard just shot Tony a half-grin and, at least for that car journey, didn't spontaneously burst into song while expecting the teenager to join in. It didn't really feel like the right kind of time, but he still hummed along to the rest of the song and the equally light pop tunes that followed on the drive home.

He put the car in the garage before he moved to let them into the house, checking the lock twice. As he pushed the door open, he made a small motion for them to enter ahead of him.

"Go on. Hey, kiddo, put some fresh coffee on. Or boil some water for-- You want tea or coffee, L?"

No, now wasn't the time to spontaneously break into song, but... maybe breakfast. Provided everyone was feeling a little better. Tonight was going to be rough, and Tony really wished he could have taken Shou up on his offer for an emergency pillow fort. They could all use it right about now, he felt.

Tony followed after the other two, but trotted ahead at Richard's urging. There was a moment where he brushed into the door frame, but quickly corrected himself. A pause, there, as he waited for an answer, one hand on the frame as if making a note of exactly where it was on his blind side. It would take time to adjust.

"You got it."

L slipped past Richard like a ghost, moving sideways, because it was too much to ask of him to turn his back on someone at the moment, even a friend.

"Coffee," he murmured, glancing at the furniture indecisively and eventually settling on just retreating to one of the room's walls and sliding to the floor with his back against it, hugging his knees to his chest and turning his body into a fortress. The transition from the balmy August night air to the air-conditioned house raised goosebumps on his exposed wrists, and he curled more tightly inward. Keeping the chill out was much harder when it came from inside.

Maybe breakfast.

Richard nodded, giving Tony a quick look and tilting his head towards the kitchen. Go on, he's got this. Except, does he really have this? Sure, he got the guy here, but what now? He walked over, crouching down in front of him, looking him over with silent concern before speaking over his shoulder, calling into the other room. "Kiddo, turn the thermostat up while you're there."

It was a start. He brought a hand forward, almost touching L's arm, but not quite. What the hell was a guy supposed to do in this kind of situation, anyway?

Edited (pay attention fiona gosh) 2014-08-31 03:35 (UTC)

At that, and the reassuring little gesture from Richard he disappeared into the kitchen to go get that coffee brewing. There's a clunk from him knocking something over (misjudged distance strikes again) but no shatter thankfully.

"Alright!" He called back as well as he could with his bad jaw, moving to do that once coffee was on to brew. "Any preference?" Should he get a blanket, maybe? It was true, L wasn't looking too good. Really, what was he thinking? Probably wasn't truth be told, Tony knew what his medications were doing to him he could only imagine what L was going through.

And he didn't even know the guy had mixed his when he wasn't supposed to. He returned soon enough, picking his way across the living room gingerly to claim his own seat at one end of the couch. "Coffee'll be done soon."

L was acutely aware that he had become a new and curious fixture in Richard's home this evening, like a shag carpet or an inherited, obtrusive antique lamp, throwing off the existing balance while others tried to work out what to do with him. Coffee, food and sleep were necessities, but so was finding a way to reassure his hosts that he was not so weak-minded that he couldn't pull together everything that the prior week had utterly shattered.

That thought was lost at the sound of something being knocked over in the kitchen, which caused L to flinch violently. He did his best to regather it as Tony joined them in the living room.

"If... it would be easier to call a cab, so I can go back to the hospital... I would understand."

"I didn't get you here to send you back to the hospital," Richard told him, finally taking his arm in a light and careful grip. "That's a last resort and if it's needed I'll take you myself. You're safe enough here."

Richard knew that. L knew it. Tony didn't, only because they hadn't talked about it yet. With what he could do now this house was probably one of the safest around. He cast a quick look to Tony as if to reassure him that everything was alright. This was exhausting.

"Couple of degrees," he said, before his attention was back on L again. "I'm gonna feel better if you're not sitting on the floor."

Tony visibly tensed at the mention of going back to the hospital, even if it wasn't himself who was going to be going. He didn't want to leave L behind somewhere, shoo him off to some corner to be dealt with by someone else. A small, nervous noise escaped him, though quieted at the reassuring glance from Richard.

He could be trusted, he had things under control, didn't he? Sorry, Richard, you're dealing with a couple of not entirely emotionally stable people right now. Feeling too disconnected he got up to hover somewhat nearby, wary and nervous.

He thought he'd feel better seeing L again, but really he was just getting more freaked out. That or the anti-anxiety medication was wearing off, he didn't actually remember when the last time he took it was. Oops. "You... you gonna be okay? You want a blanket?" Blankets made things better right?

You're safe enough here.

The words got a blink and a stiff nod from L; he knew, even if he'd doubted what he'd seen at the time due to it being so extremely surreal. Richard's abilities had been staggering, profound, and intimidating, and L knew that if he chose to protect people, even traumatized wrecks like himself and Tony, they'd be hard-pressed to find someone more qualified.

He stood, shuffling to the couch and taking a seat at Tony's side. Knowing that this was uncomfortable for everyone, if something so small could make Richard feel better, he'd humor it without question or resistance. He could sense that he was doing the opposite of reassuring Tony with his presence, which hit home when Tony left the couch and offered a blanket. It was simple, certainly not a cure-all, but if they treated it that way, it might melt some of the tenseness everyone seemed to be feeling.

"If you could, yes... I want a blanket."

Taking charge of the situation was easy with two people in the conditions that Tony and L were in.Tony, he knew how to direct. Gentle suggestions over commands, always giving him options and ways out. L... L just seemed to react to any direction at all.

He straightened when the other man stood, one hand light on his shoulder as he answered Tony and a soft breath left him in a rush after the teen walked away. Richard sat down, pushing his hands against his face for a moment.

Fucking hell.

He knew he could protect them all if he had to. Some wild new part of him revelled in that idea.

Tony was straightforward and predictable in his resistance. Order him, corner him, and the hackles would go up and you'd have a fight. Easy enough to avoid once you knew the triggers, and Richard likely knew them well enough from himself.

Off he skittered, almost a shadow with the way he moved swift and silent, only to return a moment later with a few blankets piled in his arms. One he dropped on L, and the other over Richard's shoulders. He looked like he could use one, too. Yes, they were simple and childish methods of helping, but attempts none the less.

It sure couldn't hurt to have a blanket anyway. Tony just really wanted to help, but he was utterly lost as far as knowing what to do went.

Just because taking care of two compliant individuals was easy didn't mean it wasn't soul-crushing. There were ways it stung to see one's friends, and L was all too happy to pull the deposited blanket around his shoulders and over his head until it nearly covered his eyes.

The coffee would make him jittery, but he craved its heat, and even though years of cocaine abuse had all but destroyed his sense of smell, coffee was one of the few things strong enough to still register. He liked the way it reminded him of the shop he'd grown to miss as the scent of brewing coffee gradually permeated the house, even if it brought a twinge of guilt and uncertainty. He didn't know, after all, when he'd be able to return to those responsibilities, or if he would ever be able to.

He knew it would sit uneasily on his empty, aching stomach, but coffee was a magical thing. It loosened tongues, made time pass more quickly, and warmed hands, and all of those things could make a tremendous difference with the current emotional climate in the house.

He wasn't expected to get a blanket slung around his own shoulders as well. It started a laugh - brief, ending on a stifled snort - out of him as he let it slide back off his shoulders, as he reached up to clap one hand against Tony's arm with a silent thanks in his expression.

No, he'd be alright. Hadn't he come through worse things than this? Richard stood up, snagged the blanket up and flicked it up around Tony's shoulders. He grinned crookedly as he ruffled the teen's hair.

"Brat," he said fondly. "I'll get the coffee, you sit down."

See? Blanket cocoons make everything better. Tony offered a wavery smile in response to Richard's silent thanks, blooming into a slightly brighter grin at the hair ruffle and affectionate name.

His own response was a little nod, and he moved to claim the other end of the couch, wrapping himself up in his own blanket cocoon. He wasn't cold, but it still felt better with than without.

The familial tenderness between the other two men was as bewildering as it was comforting to L. The closest thing he'd ever had to a family was Chinese takeout in a room lit only by a television screen, practicing his chess game in one corner while his uncle muttered and snapped at his boxing matches in the other. There was a connectedness between Tony and Richard that went beyond blood, and L wasn't ashamed to admit that he envied it.

"Please," he said, a touch abruptly after Tony was settled, not looking up to see if Richard was on his way for the coffee. "What... what happened on the bridge, it would... please don't tell Belle about it."

Richard did catch what L said as he headed to the kitchen, though he gave it no more notice than a glance over his shoulder. Tony could handle it.

And Richard had no intention of repeating what had happened on the bridge to anyone.

In the kitchen, he took a little longer than he needed to pour the coffee out, humming a tune to himself as he did so. It was, more than anything, to give them enough time to talk without Richard hovering over them. A careless motion almost knocked the sugar pot from the counter but he caught it without a second thought, the reflex so blindingly fast he could barely follow it himself.

Richard stood there, for a long few moments, staring at his own hand before he gingerly set the container back down and picked up the mugs, leaving the kitchen.

"Heads up."

"'Course," Tony was quick to respond, eye locking on L as Richard left the room, a slight frown creasing his features. "I've got your back, you should know that by now." After all that they went through? How could L think even for a moment that Tony would sell him out, even to Belle? No, his secret was safe.

He didn't feel he needed to ask what did happen on the bridge, he knew exactly what happened. In L's shoes, he probably would have done the same honestly. Tried to bail out as quick as possible without even sparing a second thought to where he was going or what was beneath him. Thankfully Richard had been able to catch him so quickly.

Tony still wondered at that, but now wasn't the time. Not yet.

L's eyes watched Richard's retreat from the room, and then returned their glassy focus to Tony as the teen confirmed that he would keep L's secret... and added that he was watching and protecting L by default, since that was what L understood to be "having his back." He nodded; he did know, it would be ridiculous if he didn't have an inkling, since he had seen so much evidence of Tony's dedication, goodwill and friendship.

"I have two weeks to prove that I can make it, out here," he said softly. "If it starts to look like I can't then I have to go back, and get help, and it might take a long time..."

His shoulders curled forward. Even now, the close call of falling to his death paled in comparison to the close call of failing his trial period.

He could cut the air in here with the katana he'd tossed into the back of the wardrobe the moment he got home that night. His deliberate delaying in the kitchen meant that he missed what L said, but it would have been common sense as far as he was concerned. Both of them were unstable right now and hopefully Tony would benefit from the environment that he currently lived in. As for L... well, Richard had stopped him from throwing himself off a bridge.

Unwitting or not, it didn't speak well for where his head was at.

Richard eased himself back into the corner of the sofa, fingers curled around his mug. He wasn't about to interrupt with anything more than his presence.

A few beats of silence, Richard's returned by now but Tony still hasn't stopped watching L. After a moment he shifts, to slump himself back against the frail looking man. He was never good at words of encouragement, and now his skills were worse than ever, so he would offer comfort in the one certain way he knew how. Incredible space violations of flopping against the troubled person, yup.

"Go back where?"

Finally asked once he was comfortably situated. Yes, this was better. Closeness made him feel more grounded, he hoped he could do the same for L who seemed to so desperately need it.

Richard's presence was distracting, especially in silence, but L acclimated to it quickly enough. He had the distinct feeling that he was being watched, even observed by the other man, but that just meant he had to keep his eyes forward and his words calm. He'd had enough experience being observed to know that much.

He bit his lip as Tony leaned against the harsh angles of his frame, shifting slightly to reach into his back pocket. Of course he had it with him, here, it was like a talisman. He handed the many-times folded piece of paper to Tony, and if the teen chose to examine it, he'd see it was a completely filled-out admission form for White Pines Psychiatric Hospital, save for the signature at the bottom.

"I was there for a few years when I was younger, and so... obviously I don't want to go back, but..." he faltered, pressing the heel of his hand against his forehead.

He wasn't watching him, at least not in that way, but rather keeping his silence to avoid interrupting whatever train of thought might have been running through the conversation before he'd walked back in. It wasn't that hard to spot the forced calm, the way he kept his eyes straight ahead, the way he bit his lip when Tony leaned on him.

Richard didn't move, didn't lean in to peer at the paper. He could guess.

"But?" he murmured around the rim of his mug, voice quiet.

Edited 2014-09-17 18:54 (UTC)

Examine it he did. Unfolding it carefully he scanned the words, though he didn't need to read the entire document to know exactly what it was.

"White Pines?" He frowned deeply, concern etched into his features. "If you did go, when would you be able to come back?" He didn't like that idea, not one bit. L was important, and if he was locked away how would anyone know if he was alright or not..? Who knew what they would do to Numbered there.

L's eyes flicked briefly over to Richard. "But want isn't need, and the worst way to find out what a person needs is typically to ask that person," he answered softly as Tony unfolded and examined the application.

In answer to Tony's question, he just shook his head back and forth slowly.

If ever? It would be an extremely long time. But maybe I need this...

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Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? [closed]

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