Winter Tsukuyomi ❄ Rikka Hishikawa (AU) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
peacefulwinter) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
savetheearth2014-07-26 11:38 pm
peacefulwinter) wrote in savetheearth2014-07-26 11:38 pm
026 ♦ Closed
Who: Winter and Lily (probably)
Where: Tsukuyomi residence
When: July 26th, evening
What: Winter is acting weirder than usual. And leaving things where others can find them. This bears investigation.
It's stupid. Winter knows she shouldn't be dwelling on this the way she has been. But... it's hard, to find out that the other-world person you're linked to was in love with her best friend, and that her best friend loved her back. She's having a hard time dealing with it, honestly, and she's not sure how to handle it, just like so much else about Rikka. But she's prepared for it. Research needs to be done. Implications...
Well, she hasn't thought about those yet. There are quite a few other things to think of, several of them involving Lily. The girl had had a rough week, and Winter was trying her best to be supportive, even if this is occupying most of her mind right now, to the point where she's probably missing questions asked of her and generally being spacey. She's felt herself lose focus enough that she's only barely snapped back in time to catch herself before crashing into something, and at least once she has run into something.
She can't keep doing this. Lily will catch on, and then she won't have the chance to protect Lily from things anymore. But for the moment, she needs a free moment to think about all this. That's put her on the couch, laying down with her eyes closed, the offending sheet of memo paper (or at least, a copy of it) rests on the table next to her while she ponders, back of one arm across her eyes. This is messing with her sleep schedule, too; she's gotten fairly good at faking being asleep, at least enough to convince Lily, but it's not helping keep her sharp. She's missing that badly, and it's making her just a little bit short with people, too. She's able to cover up the visual effects, if poorly, but that won't last.
It might be a good idea for her to make sure Lily isn't home before leaving the note on the table, but Winter is not presently thinking that many steps ahead.
Where: Tsukuyomi residence
When: July 26th, evening
What: Winter is acting weirder than usual. And leaving things where others can find them. This bears investigation.
It's stupid. Winter knows she shouldn't be dwelling on this the way she has been. But... it's hard, to find out that the other-world person you're linked to was in love with her best friend, and that her best friend loved her back. She's having a hard time dealing with it, honestly, and she's not sure how to handle it, just like so much else about Rikka. But she's prepared for it. Research needs to be done. Implications...
Well, she hasn't thought about those yet. There are quite a few other things to think of, several of them involving Lily. The girl had had a rough week, and Winter was trying her best to be supportive, even if this is occupying most of her mind right now, to the point where she's probably missing questions asked of her and generally being spacey. She's felt herself lose focus enough that she's only barely snapped back in time to catch herself before crashing into something, and at least once she has run into something.
She can't keep doing this. Lily will catch on, and then she won't have the chance to protect Lily from things anymore. But for the moment, she needs a free moment to think about all this. That's put her on the couch, laying down with her eyes closed, the offending sheet of memo paper (or at least, a copy of it) rests on the table next to her while she ponders, back of one arm across her eyes. This is messing with her sleep schedule, too; she's gotten fairly good at faking being asleep, at least enough to convince Lily, but it's not helping keep her sharp. She's missing that badly, and it's making her just a little bit short with people, too. She's able to cover up the visual effects, if poorly, but that won't last.
It might be a good idea for her to make sure Lily isn't home before leaving the note on the table, but Winter is not presently thinking that many steps ahead.
no subject
Now is different.
Still, she understands the benefit of giving her girlfriend some level of space. If there's something bothering her, she expects it will come to light in time - either it'll be brought up, or Lily will have determined she's given her enough time and will pry it out of her.
So as she exits the kitchen, a glass of iced tea in hand, she notices as Winter is sprawled out on the couch. Frowning a little to herself, she drifts over quietly so as not to disturb her, should she be trying to take a nap. She starts to smile down at her, but notices the foreign piece of paper sitting on the table.
It sticks out immediately, as its in Japanese and even with that being half her family's heritage, and something she herself is versed in, it's not something she expects Winter to be carrying around. She had to be the one who had it, right? It wasn't there before.
Her eyes need only drift over it for a few moments. The end of the memo sticks out, and its like several needles jamming into her at once. It all makes sense now, that Winter's been acting off. It's not hard to realize this is the source. A number of different emotions tumble through her all at once, the more petty ones she tries to mentally swat aside.
No, no. You don't have anything to fear from what is effectively a dead woman, Lily. That's not what to focus on, not right now. If Winter's been acting out of sorts, that is your bigger concern.
So, she makes her presence known only as she sits down beside where Winter is laying, taking a light sip from her glass.
"Aishiteru, hm," she murmurs gently. "I suppose I do have something in common with Mana, after all."
no subject
Letting her arm fall back to her side, Winter's eyes slide open, and she just stares at the ceiling for a moment. "Her world seemed like it revolved around Mana because... well, because it did. That scares me." Finally, she shifts her gaze, to search out Lily, absently putting her glasses on. "It's not as strong, but... sometimes I feel like I do a l-lot of depending on you. More than is perhaps a good thing. And seeing her act like that is... reminding me of some of my own bad habits."
She smiles, though it doesn't seem quite genuine. "Aside from horrifying me on a more base level, of course."
no subject
"I asked you way back in December if it seemed like such a bad thing, that Rikka could have been in love with her," she says quietly. "And... helping her to be that 'Happy Prince,' knowing where that story leads, that part isn't necessarily as such, but... knowing this... I also remember once being told that I couldn't judge Yuri just based off the scraps of things I'd learned, that I didn't know the full picture. Maybe I never will, but... does it necessarily have to be that scary? We pulse back things from these people, largely revolving around whatever conflicts they were embroiled in. If the person Rikka loved was at the forefront of that, then... it only makes sense that you'd remember so much of that above whatever else may have been in her life."
She smiles a little sadly. "Or perhaps I just relate too much to that, too. But then, when I tried to not depend on people, well... you know where that almost put me."
no subject
"I'm trying not to let it scare me. But... it's made me wonder. How much of the way I am now is me, and... how much is her." This time last year, Winter was single and not looking (and wasn't sure what she was into even if she was). She was quiet, almost cripplingly so. So much had changed in twelve months... and she knew some of those things were the kind that she could always do. But some were very foreign, and she's not sure what to think. What if... she was destined to be the leader she's trying to be, to use her power for the network... to fall in love? What if those things were not her own choices, but Rikka's influence somehow getting in the way? It's making her nervous, and even as she tries to calm herself down, she might need help.
no subject
"Winter, listen to me," she says, evenly but with just a bit of sternness. "Listen to yourself. How much of what you're saying now have you scolded me for, in the past? And each and every time then, you were right. You could never, ever be a burden to me. Everything I want to do, everything I want to be... I have nothing stopping me from getting to them, but each and every path has one thing in common, every time I think about them - and that's you. Not because of Yuri, or Rikka, or Mana - it was the choice I made because I fell for the sweet, pretty girl I'm looking at right now."
She breathes and shakes her head. "We take things from them, yes. There are parts of us that are sometimes too similar for comfort... the more and more I see of Yuri, the more I see of myself in her. That's scary as hell. I know that. But what we do with them... We do have a choice of how to use that, or else where do you think Jasmine might be? Or me? When I remembered Yuri being defeated, having just lost her best friend, her power stripped from her... I felt like that feeling of despair and hopelessness would swallow me whole. It would have, too."
She smiles, as genuinely as she can. "Except I was pulled back. You kept me anchored then, and you still do, every day. What we deal with is crazy, and without that anchor I would probably go crazy. I need something, someone to come back to, or stand beside. I have faith in you, Winter Adamas, not Rikka. If you don't trust yourself there, please for the love of god... trust me." It sounds assured, but also pleading. "That feeling of not being able to think of you not being next to me... I feel that too, and it is scary. I know.
"I'm neither of them, Winter. Mana or Rikka. If I feel like that, what does that say about me? Maybe that feeling isn't just exclusive to her, maybe... it's just how love can be, sometimes. Maybe love's just a bit scary on its own, maybe it just seems doubly so seeing it from someone else's perspective too... I don't know, but I do know I'm scared to death every day, but it's always been worth it. It always will be worth it. So please, Winter... trust in my own faith in you, if not yours."
no subject
And now the opposite's happened, and she wants to cry. She is crying, as it happens. This is such a surprise that she doesn't know how to react otherwise. Everything she's done, all the selfless (at the time) things she'd done, all the love she'd shared with her closest person... everything was coming back to her now, when she really needed it. And it filled her with a warm feeling she didn't know how to explain. At this point, all she really wants is to bury her face in Lily's neck and stay there for a few days until she feels human again. Right now, she just feels... ugly.
"I... I trust you," she manages, sniffling. "I'm s-still scared, and worried, and... I need you. Af-after all this... I need you, Lily. Don't..." She sits up from where she's been almost defensively curled on the couch for the last minute or two, immediately leaning into Lily and clutching at her for dear life with her free hand. "Please don't leave me."
She's not sure she cares anymore, about how Rikka felt about all this, or whether her feelings were actually hers, or how Lily plays into all of this. She just knows that there's something she needs, if she's going to keep moving forward. Someone more important than any other, that gives her the strength to keep going when everything finally catches up with her.
The tears aren't going to be stopping for a bit, but she's getting enough control of herself to start driving her thoughts in a little bit more of a positive direction. Enough to make sure she says something, as she really does bury her face into Lily's shoulder. "I love you, Lily. I... thank you."
no subject
Clearly, she had reached her, at least to some degree. She sees the results physically manifest in Winter's tears, and that much does twist her heart just a bit. Winter crying is one of the things she hates most to see, but it also feels like she just shattered a cage the girl had locked herself up in. As she leans on, Lily puts one arm around her, holding her right, while her other hand strokes the back of her head. She rocks back and forth just a bit, letting her cry for just a few moments, listening to her, letting her get it out.
"Shh, it's okay," she murmurs softly into her ear, while trying - and failing - to not cry herself. "I know... You know I know, what those memories can do to you... It might not ever stop being scary, but... I will never, ever leave you. We've worked too hard for everything up until now, we have so much ahead of us... I love you too, Winter, so please - whatever worries you, whatever you need or want, whenever... tell me. We'll find a way to make things work. I promise you - I know I'm not always confident about a lot of things, but that, you, us... I have faith in, no matter what."