savetheearth | Monster Support Group is in Session

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Monster Support Group is in Session

Who:Hajime and Emil
What: Crazy Monster Instincts Support Group
When: Sometime the morning of the 5th
Where: Emil's place
Warnings: Discussion of unpleasant monster urges, transformations, violence, all those good things.

Hajime hadn't been expecting to get messaged by Emil, though he could understand the thought behind it. Monsters had to stick together, and maybe, just maybe, he had some sort of useful advice regarding not going all crazed monster instinct on everybody. Maybe. He had to have been doing something right; he hadn't had any huge rampages...

Hajime found the kid's place easily enough. It had been a smooth ride over on his motorcycle, though he spent most of the drive trying to think of useful advice, or at least ways he could phrase the sorts of things he'd been doing. Not that he thought "pulse back a magic playing card that cools you off" was going to be particularly useful. Still, he'd try.

He cut the engine on the motorcycle, pulled off his helmet, and walked over to the door. After taking a couple of deep breaths, he knocked.

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There was some muttering behind the door (“that’s him?” “yes” “are you sure?” “yeah mom, I’m sure”) before Emil opened it. He’s changed a little since their first meeting, his eyes turned red and the dark energy he’s emitting became stronger.

His family knew he was expecting someone, of course. Still, ever since the Vegas incident, they’ve had some trouble trusting the network. So when Hajime came in, he got a scrutinizing look from Emil’s suspicious mom, hovering around her son, and his equally suspicious grandparents sitting in the living room.

After a rather cold greeting, Emil’s mom said that “I’ll let you guys talk. We’re right here if you need anything.” The message underlying don’t you dare messing with my kid tone was clear, but Emil’s grandmother decided to drive the point home by adding: “Don’t get ideas, young man. I have a gun.”

“Thanks granny,” Emil muttered and leads Hajime to his room, a small space with band posters on the walls, what looked like a double bass leaning against one wall and an unholy chaos of things. There floor was long gone under clothes, CDs and sheet music.

“Sorry about that. They got pretty overprotective, but…”, he sighed. “At least they don’t think I’m some terrible freak.”

Hajime's own monster senses picked up on that increase in dark energy, though he was at least momentarily distracted by Emil's family. He remained as polite as he could, small bow and all during the greetings. He did, however, allow himself a small smile once they'd made it to Emil's room. "It's probably for the best then that she doesn't realize I'm pretty sure I'd just shrug off a gunshot wound." He nodded. "I know how it goes. I still haven't told any of my family, but my sister sort of walked in on me in my bug form, and I had to tell her then so she'd stop throwing things at me."

Emil snorted, despite himself. It was a funny image. “Sounds awkward.” Then he grew more serious. “I didn’t tell them details or anything.” How could you ever tell your family you have to constantly fight the urge to kill people, to kill them? It was too painful. “But they think it was self defence, what’s with the mob and all.” They think, because even though he was provoked into it, Emil still felt guilty.

"That's understandable. My sister just knows I'm a big bug. I didn't tell her the rest. Not like this stuff's easy to talk about." Hajime's quiet for a moment. "The mob's a good excuse, too. I know if I was stuck in a crowd of angry people, it wouldn't take much to set me off if I wasn't careful." He sighs. "Keeping track of particular things that set you off helps. That way, you can be more on guard in those situations." Like now, when Hajime's got a tight grip on his instincts at being in the presence of another monster.

“I think I know what sets me off,” he says. “I remembered something about other me…” and he trails off, eyes slipping from Hajime to one of the posters. For a moment Emil stares at it like the most fascinating thing in the world - whatever he remembered, it’s obviously bad.

Then he shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair, pulls it away when it touches the horn. “Anyway, it’s harder to control when I’m upset, and when something really bad happens… I just lose it.”

Hajime nods sympathetically. "It's hard once I get worked up, too. I kind of try to...to direct it sometimes. Just run with it. Like when that snake attacked, I kept throwing myself at those little snakes. If I had to attack something, better those than anything else."

“That’s why I wrecked the fountain but,” there’s a moment of hesitation before he continues, “it wasn’t enough. It wants to k - hurt people. I knew that Russel was mind controlling them and that it wasn’t their fault, but I just snapped and - “

He takes a deep breathe. When he speaks again, it’s a lot quieter.

“If I didn’t come back to my senses, I would've killed everyone there.”

Hajime nods sympathetically. "I've had moments like that...only I'm lucky in that mine weren't in a crowded area. And I was fortunate enough to be around other numbered who knew to keep me distracted and wear me out before anything could happen." He tries not to think about the fact that he doesn't get worn out anymore. Not like that. "Mine just wants to fight. To fight and destroy. It likes sources of power; I've been able to work around that...use that, if I can."

“How?” Use it, work around… sure, it sounds good, but Emil wants details. Break it down to guidelines he can actually follow. “It’s so overwhelming - fuck, I’m not even sure I should try to quote-unquote work around it in the first place. It’s - it’s just, evil, okay? I shouldn’t let it out, like ever.”

"Yeah, I know. There's something inside that just wants to run wild and rampage everywhere. Believe me, I know." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I was lucky enough to pulse back something. It...seems to keep Joker at bay. Before that, I kept feeling like if I didn't let something loose every now and then, I'd explode. Like pressure building up...anger management books helped some. Not a whole lot, but some. A lot of it's just knowing when I need to get away and getting away before things go bad..."

This isn’t what Emil wanted to hear. He doesn’t have anything to keep his Mazoku side at bay, and how can someone who wants to kill humans get away when he’s surrounded by humans? Is he supposed to run off and live as a hermit? Shut everyone out? It’s not fair.

He exhales and sits on the bed, elbows resting on his knees and his head in his hands. “Anger management, huh? I have to do that now. Signing off and everything. But even if it helps, I don’t think I can really do it, you know? Share and all that shit. I mean, the therapist is just a normal guy. I bet he already thinks I’m freak, I don’t want him think I’m a murderous monster.”

Hajime can understand this. He's wishing he could be of more help. "Do we have any therapists on the network? Someone who would know what it was like...I mean, I don't like talking about mine, either. He...he was supposed to end the world. Destroying things with a purpose..."

He shrugs. "Even if we therapists, unless they're - " He pauses. Nope, still can't call himself a monster - "like us, it's still the same problem." Numbers aren't necessarily understanding. "I dunno how I'd find them without talking about it over the network, anyway."

He gets up, kicks away a pile of stuff over another pile, sits again. Restless. "I dunno if mine had a purpose. I know there were a lot of Mazoku hurting humans, and other me was fighting them. I'm not sure why he'd fight his own kind." There was penance, regret over the people he killed, but Emil has no idea why Hamel regretted it in the first place. Other Mazoku certainly didn't. And humans treated him so bad, it was no wonder he snapped.

"Yeah...I think the guy we used to have sometimes put out messages that he was willing to talk, but I never did. I know what you mean--he wouldn't have understood at all."

Hajime shrugs. "Mine fought his own kind all the time. Like he was driven to do it...my cousin turned into one kind of like me there for a little while, and I think we were sort of starting to want to go at it with each other. But he lost his numbers--he's just normal now." Hajime looks a little sad at that. "I'm still not sure if I should be jealous of him or not."

"I'd be jealous," he says, honestly. Not only jealous - was Emil in Hajime's place he'd be angry about losing a person he can confide in."There are plenty of cool stuff about being Numbered but I'm not sure if it's worth it anymore. It's not fair..."

He realizes he's starting to sound whiny, cuts himself off and makes a face. "You know, people on the network have been really understanding," and Emil's tone makes it clear he wasn't expecting them to be kind, "but they just - they don't get it. They say it's not my fault but I know I'm like a time bomb, and I can't even explain it to anyone 'cause then they'd really hate me..."

"Yeah. I haven't even really told anyone, outside of that time I was kind of forced to admit it after almost killing Thomas...or that time I flipped out at Lyall's." Hajime frowns. "And Jack knew, because whatever bird-thing he was turning into was a lot like the bug-thing I'm turning into." He shakes his head. "No one really does understand, unless they've got weird monster instincts coming in, too."

Emil's shoulders flinch at that word, kill. Hajime sounds so... not casual, but there's acceptance. Emil wishes he could stop beating himself over it, too.

"At least you have the bug thing to hide you. Me, I'm famous now. The crazy demon kid. You know some people think Russel was right trying to murder me?" His tone changes like he's quoting someone else. "Make no mistakes, Goldman is just as dangerous, but Fiedler's rampage proves he's a threat. While Goldman's methods are deplorable, he had the right idea, getting rid of him before he hurts innocent people."

His tone is detached and dry as sand. You can barely tell it upsets him.

Hajime's had a lot of time to come to terms with that. Easier to do when you've had several months pass since the incident. He grimaces at Emil's description. "What channel was that? Most of them are full of crap--you should hear the stuff Fox spewed about the bugman menace. They don't understand. They..." There's an exasperated sigh. "Easier to sensationalize than to try to understand. Hope doesn't get them the ratings they want. You can't let them get to you...and now the burden's on you to prove them wrong to everyone else." There was nothing but sympathy in Hajime's voice. He didn't envy Emil's situation one bit.

Edited 2014-07-22 02:10 (UTC)

"I don't want to prove anything! Emil yells in the angry whine of a bratty teen. Then he realizes shouting will get a worried, possibly armed mother barging in and drops his voice again.

"How the hell should I prove them wrong, not killing anyone? I'm already doing that 'cause I'm not a fucking psycho! I never wanted this - " He takes a deep breathe. "You know what I do want? I wanna find Russel's new address and send him an exploding envelope."

"I never said it was fair." Hajime shakes his head. "Nothing about this is fair." One of his hands is clenched into a fist, while the other slides into his pocket to touch the cards he always carried with him. Has to carry with him. "All it takes is one bad day with the wrong people involved..." There's a pause. "Sending him an exploding envelope isn't going to help your case." And another pause. "Pet supply store. Box of live crickets. Not as worth calling the cops over, but still bad in its own way."

"I was gonna send it anonymously," he mutters, not that he knows if it's even possible but his kneejerk reaction is to be offended at being told he shouldn't do something. "But live crickets..."

The huffy anger is forgotten. Emil's face breaks into a devilish grin, mood instantly improving.

"That's BRILLIANT! It'll take him hours to get rid of all of them. He won't even know why, it'll be like divine retribution!" A pause,.and he explains: "He moved upstate so he lost his echoes. I don't know if he remembers anything, but I don't care. Serve him right."

"The trick is to get a few really big ones that are easy to spot, and then a bunch of little ones that aren't. They think they've gotten everything once they find all the big ones, and they won't realize just how many small ones there are. I did it to a guy once in high school." Hajime was glad to have gotten a smile out of the kid, even if it wasn't exactly for the most positive of reasons. If he at least managed to keep an exploding envelope out of the mail, good enough. "The news reports are probably following him around too, even if he doesn't remember it."

Emil is taking notes, scribbling few really big ones, lots of small ones in a notebook. Hajime has no idea what he started.

"Good, I shouldn't be the only one to deal with the fallout," He says. No sympathy here. "Say, you have good ideas, take a look at this," and he hands Hajime another paper with a rough draft of something. "I wanna send him one of these singing telegrams. And I don't really spy on him, but I needed a rhyme for Locke."

Clearly, being cooped up in the house all this time hasn't done him good.

Hajime probably shouldn't laugh. Laughing will only encourage Emil. But no, he's laughing at that rough draft. It's somehow a relief to deal with relatively childish revenge schemes after heavier talk of being monsters. "How long did it take you to write that?"

At least it beats sending explosives through the mail?

"Couple hours maybe? I did a lot of revisions." Emil shrugs. "Don't have much else to do, other than practicing the violin or watching shit on Netflix." He doesn't even dare going online - he knows he'll end up Googling himself. "You think I should add something?"

"There are other things you can do at home...you know how to cook?" Because Hajime does, and that seems like a safer redirection of energy. "Or get someone to bring you an engine; I've always found tinkering with my bike to be pretty relaxing. Been doing a lot of that lately."

He looks down at the rough draft again. "I think you've covered all your bases--and it'll probably freak him out, especially if he doesn't really remember anything."

"I can cook. I used to make dinner all the time but," and now Emil looks embarrassed, "I echoed back really weird taste a while ago and after mom saw what I put in the food I'm not allowed in the kitchen anymore." And to think it tasted so good...

"Engine sounds cool though. I made these," Emil gestures to a potato gun and what looks like a bunch of amateur, home made fireworks, "but I can't really test them outside now."

"They ought to let you make just a little for yourself, at least..." Hajime frowned slightly. "I actually got back the ability to make some pretty good takoyaki. Not sure why it was that of all things, but hey, at least it was normal enough that they let me do it at the restaurant now."

Hajime is looking a little dubiously at those fireworks. "I'll try to get you an engine of some sort, then. Maybe with something attached if I can find a junked one for cheap, gets you something to do."

“They’d love it to be takoyaki,” Emil says grumpily. “Mom says I’m not allowed to cook for myself ‘cause it makes the dishes gross and she’ll never be able to eat out of them again no matter how much I wash them. It was just one gecko, and it really added!”

He looks downright offended, but the thought of getting his hands on an engine improves things greatly. “That’d be so cool.” Dreamily, he adds: “maybe I can hook the gun, make it shoot rounds of vegetables…”

"Geckos...?" No. No, Hajime does not want to know. Does not even want to ask. "Maybe she could let you have your own dishes?" Because hey, cooking's cooking, right?

"You could probably get an entire potato launched at once..." Hajime can't help but consider the ramifications of a potato gun attached to an engine. This is probably not a good thing.

Hajime really doesn’t want to know. Let’s just say Emil’s other self thought that highly poisonous giant earthworms were an acceptable dinner.

“Yeah!” He nods enthusiastically. Any disapproval on the other side goes right over his head. “I can get more tubes, make it a multiple barrel gun that can shoot an entire grocery store!”

"So long as you only use it on people who deserve it, sure." Hajime doesn't think a single engine would be able to get enough firepower going for that, so it should be safe enough. Right? Right?

"Totally! Only on people who deserve it. It’s a potato gun of justice.”

He waves a hand as if to swat the concerns away, but his grin is less than reassuring. Not everyone will agree on Emil's definition for people who deserve it.

"Potato gun of justice. Right." Well, at least Emil wasn't mopey. That was something. "I'll try to get an engine that'll match that, then."

"Thanks." He's still grinning, but it's a little less mischievous and more sincere.

"You're okay."

This is met with a grin and a nod from Hajime. "You, too."

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Monster Support Group is in Session

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last tag before i gooooo

have a good hiatus! o/

hotel wifi oh yeah

woohoo, hotel wifi

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