Toshirou Katase (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
redelivers) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
savetheearth2013-05-24 01:36 pm
redelivers) wrote in savetheearth2013-05-24 01:36 pm
Entry tags:
where am i going
WHO: Toshi and Banagher
WHAT: Becoming a vampire is all fun and games until someone goes completely insane and tries to eat their little library buddy.
WHEN: Today! Sure let's go with today.
WHERE: Whatever library Banagher works at.
So, how've you been holding up...?
[ The question is asked somewhat cautiously as Toshi leafs through one of the books on Japanese history that Banagher set aside for him. Evidently the coats that he and his small, limited circle of friends and... whatever it is Hajime is to him these days... They trace back to this era of Japan. The Bakumatsu, or whatever. The weird symbol on the back was evidently the insignia of a specific faction called the Shinsengumi, and that's about as far as he's managed to get. In most of the books so far, the Shinsengumi have just been a footnote.
...
And all those footnotes so far have said little more than how they were on the losing side of the war.
It's not promising, but then again Toshi wasn't exactly holding his fucking breath going in considering the kind of shit he and his men are remembering.
Anyway, he doesn't want to drag all that crap in here right now. Banagher's a good kid with enough on his plate, who's doing him a huge favor here even keeping an eye out on this kind of stuff for him. So shitty at small talk as he is, Toshi's giving this his level best.
He's not feeling too great, though. He's been feeling faint lately, and no amount of trying to rest or feed himself properly has done much about it. It's like that sick nausea that follows every spell of agonizing bloodlust has moved in for good, following him through every moment of his every day.
It's been getting worse, and Toshi knows it.
He's seen it in movies, this sort of thing. It's a stupid analogy, but it's the best he's got. Like when someone drives their car off a bridge, and it sinks into the water. Those spiderweb cracks start appearing in the windshield as the water pressure builds. The glass strains against the invisible force that only grows worse and worse.
And eventually the whole pane blows out.
Toshi can feel those cracks in his very skin, in his sanity, splintering through him and pulling him apart.
It's really only a matter of time.
He feels okay for now, but the longer this goes on the more he realizes there's only one way out.
He's always considered himself a survivor, who does what he has to in order to keep going. Even in the absence of all meaning, all desire, all hope, he goes on.
But he can't fight this forever. And if he lets himself start, he knows he'll never stop. He doesn't want this. He doesn't want to be like this.
All he's ever wanted is to be someone who can live with himself, and now the world is trying to make him give up on that as well. ]
WHAT: Becoming a vampire is all fun and games until someone goes completely insane and tries to eat their little library buddy.
WHEN: Today! Sure let's go with today.
WHERE: Whatever library Banagher works at.
So, how've you been holding up...?
[ The question is asked somewhat cautiously as Toshi leafs through one of the books on Japanese history that Banagher set aside for him. Evidently the coats that he and his small, limited circle of friends and... whatever it is Hajime is to him these days... They trace back to this era of Japan. The Bakumatsu, or whatever. The weird symbol on the back was evidently the insignia of a specific faction called the Shinsengumi, and that's about as far as he's managed to get. In most of the books so far, the Shinsengumi have just been a footnote.
...
And all those footnotes so far have said little more than how they were on the losing side of the war.
It's not promising, but then again Toshi wasn't exactly holding his fucking breath going in considering the kind of shit he and his men are remembering.
Anyway, he doesn't want to drag all that crap in here right now. Banagher's a good kid with enough on his plate, who's doing him a huge favor here even keeping an eye out on this kind of stuff for him. So shitty at small talk as he is, Toshi's giving this his level best.
He's not feeling too great, though. He's been feeling faint lately, and no amount of trying to rest or feed himself properly has done much about it. It's like that sick nausea that follows every spell of agonizing bloodlust has moved in for good, following him through every moment of his every day.
It's been getting worse, and Toshi knows it.
He's seen it in movies, this sort of thing. It's a stupid analogy, but it's the best he's got. Like when someone drives their car off a bridge, and it sinks into the water. Those spiderweb cracks start appearing in the windshield as the water pressure builds. The glass strains against the invisible force that only grows worse and worse.
And eventually the whole pane blows out.
Toshi can feel those cracks in his very skin, in his sanity, splintering through him and pulling him apart.
It's really only a matter of time.
He feels okay for now, but the longer this goes on the more he realizes there's only one way out.
He's always considered himself a survivor, who does what he has to in order to keep going. Even in the absence of all meaning, all desire, all hope, he goes on.
But he can't fight this forever. And if he lets himself start, he knows he'll never stop. He doesn't want this. He doesn't want to be like this.
All he's ever wanted is to be someone who can live with himself, and now the world is trying to make him give up on that as well. ]
no subject
[ Nothing was really "okay" as of late, not like a mediocre day at school, or missing a train connection at the last second, those momentary glances off otherwise decent days, but he's finding he copes a little better with the extraordinary the longer it goes on. Still, it's a loaded answer, brimming with uncertainty over the next unknown factor.
Decidedly: I'm okay for now. ]
It's like we're all just rolling with whatever punch comes next, don't you think? Never knowing until it's time to react.
[ Or, you know, taking said punches straight to the face and somehow coming back for seconds, in certain peoples' cases. Banagher steals a thoughtful glance over at the top of Toshirou's head, brief enough to miss. Even when he tries not to, he senses it burning across his mind. The mental imprints of all the little cracks, the enigmatic weathering in the finish this man still upholds. If it weren't for this crazy power he never even asked for, he wouldn't have even thought to look for the strain in the corners of his eyes, but he does, and he sees it, plain as day. ]
You haven't looked so good, lately.
[ And he's bad at hiding whatever it is on his mind, at the risk of all the stupid things only kids usually cared about. Sorting his current pile of books out into trolleys parked by the table they're at, he picks up his boxcutter and goes for the next one, still held together by industrial-strength zip ties. ]