savetheearth | Adventure 28

Adventure 28 | [Video]

GUYS! GUYS! I THINK I KNOW WHERE THE OTHER ME CAME FROM!

[There is a dramatic pause, but Arthur is grinning with a giddy sort of energy and looking super excited over everything. He can't hold that dramatic pause for long.]

FROM ATLANTIS!

[Look how excited he is; it's like watching a kid on Christmas morning.]

See, I remember ALL SORTS OF THINGS about Atlantis now! Like I think I could draw a map of it if I had to!

[Not that it would be the world's best map, but hey, a map's a map.]

And it makes sense, too! Why, I even got this outrageous ATLANTEAN SPIRITUAL SONG back a while back, and I've been practicing it ever since! I wanted to make sure it was OUTRAGEOUS my first time sharing it with the network, you know?

[Speaking of sharing it with the network, that time is now. Enjoy being serenaded by Arthur's song, everyone. It sounds as though he is singing in whale ~~like Dory in Finding Nemo~~, so there's a lot of weird EEEURRRRGHHHHH-type noises.]

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You've definitely got the market cornered on outrageous, buddy. [He likes you, you're okay.] So how you been, keeping out of trouble, right? No more jet pack adventures where people can video tape you?

Not like that matters anymore, cat's outta the bag.

Me? More trouble? I wouldn't DREAM of it!

[He grins.]

Even if the cat's out of the bag, they STILL won't let me in the marine park again!

Naw, never, you're a perfect example of restraint.

[He likes you, you're alright man.]

Dare I ask why you got kicked out of the marine park? Were you trying to free the whales?

Well, that was when I got my first pulse! I accidentally fell into the dolphin tank, and then they started TALKING TO ME! And then the park staff thought I was on drugs and kicked me out.

Yeah, that'd do it for sure. What do dolphins have to say, anyway?

Well, if you're falling into their tank out of NOWHERE, they're REALLY curious as to what you're doing there! And then it takes them a little while to believe that you can really understand them, but they're OUTRAGEOUSLY smart!

Sounds like a pretty intelligent response, yeah. I didn't know animals could doubt?

[That's pretty profound when you think about it.]

Dolphins can!

Goldfish don't seem to be too doubtful--they LOVE infomercials! Think it's all OUTRAGEOUSLY TRUE!

...You know I kinda want to talk to a goldfish now. Can you teach me that trick? They sound delightful.

Well, chum, I don't think it can be TAUGHT! It's like some INBORN TALENT! But I can sure INTERPRET for you!

Man, that's too bad, if you could teach it imagine how the popularity of goldfish would skyrocket? But sure, why not, I've always wondered what goldfish thought about living in a bowl anyway.

Well, really, they're happier in BIGGER TANKS than in BOWLS! They get MORE SPACE and BETTER WATER FLOW! Plus, it's easier for them to see the OUTSIDE WORLD if the glass isn't curved!

Huh, you learn something new every day. They can actually see outside the glass? What do they think of all that, anyway?

Well, they think surface-dwellers are KIND OF FREAKY! Fish have no idea how people on the land even BREATHE!

[A laugh.]

You tell 'em about lungs?

Well, I TRIED! But they think we're SOME KIND OF WEIRD SCALELESS WIZARDS!

Hah! That's amazing. I mean I guess they're not completely off the mark, we did invent television and all.

And the fish REALLY ENJOY THAT!

Hah, they can see it through the glass? There's a lot more to fish than I thought.

Of COURSE they can see through the glass! It's just one reason they don't like people TAPPING on it!

[As they very politely informed him when all this started...]

I just figured it was because it was loud as hell. Ever been on the other side of a window when someone bangs on it? Bet it's worse under water.

[Did Arthur become the official complaints department for goldfish?]

Well, THAT TOO! LOTS of reasons it's unpleasant!

[Yes. Yes, he has.]

Right, so fish do have feelings and they like television. I'll keep that in mind next time I see an aquarium.

[Let us never bring him to Sea World.]

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