savetheearth | [video] the conspiracies don't start till i walk in

[video] the conspiracies don't start till i walk in

[It is 3 am. Danny's hair is disheveled, and he is in his freemasonry-symbol pajamas. His face is lit only by the glow of his laptop screen. He looks crazed, and it's not certain whether he actually looks like that, or that's just because of the lighting.]

Oh my god, guys, I just--I figured it out!

So, there were those pink lights in Vegas that we all saw, right? And pink lights mean something's alien-related. So alien-related stuff is showing up in Vegas, which is only like 200 miles from Tonopah Air Force Base, where the real alien testing was done during the Cold War when they were using Area 51 as a decoy!

Guys. This--this can't be a coincidence. Who knows how deep this goes. It might even go beyond the Locke police department, beyond Sherman and even Edwards. This could go as high up as the military--or the secret service, or the president himself!

I don't know what's going to happen next or what it all means just yet, but I know it's connected somehow.

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[ terror ]

An-And the changes would only happen internally, otherwise it'd be way too hard to cover it up! So internally, we're all alien'd up and no one can tell the difference.

...I cannot deal with this, man. Get me outta this club. I'm done.

Oooh, yes, it would be very subtle. Slowly changing you from the inside... preparing you to be an alien agent.

And then they invade and you evolve to your true form! And then I have to kill whoever it happens to! Tragic!

That's so fucked up. I'm never sleeping again, oh jeez. There's gotta be a way to solve that shit without killing people, though. Like... wouldn't just a tiny shred of their humanity remain after alien transformation? We could, like, work with that shit, y'know? All "come back to the light side!" and junk.

Well yeah, probably, that's how it usually works, but you might still be stuck in your mutant alien body for life.

I think I'd just jump off a bridge.

Woah, okay. Okay, okay. Suicide's never the answer, dude. Like, even if you jump off a bridge after singing a dramatic soliloquy or whatever, keep that shit to the musicals. That ain't for real life.

I... suppose I did survive being bald for a few days. If I can withstand that and...

[ She tosses her bright blue hair. ]

Everything else, I guess being horrific and ugly and... mutated...

...I make no promises.

Let's look on the positive side, man! You're lookin' pretty damn anime, yo.

You say that like it's desirable. If my girlfriend didn't like it I'd probably already be trying to dye it.

You have any idea how many 13 year olds would kill for hair like that? Super coolio!

I'm not thirteen, or that nerdy, or some kind of... punk rocker, not they'd just have straight long hair anyways. I dunno, past me was Japanese, maybe she was cool there.

Japan's a cool country! They got... samurai, and uh...

...Wow, I don't know shit about Japan. But I bet it's cool. Just pretend I'm bein' super optimistic here.

Uh, ninjas, duh? And sushi and Godzilla and... [ Bringing up a certain even from three years ago might be insensitive. Or one from about 69 years ago. ]

Yeah, anyways.

Pretty cool shit. So you might be like... part alien, part Japanese. Uh, congrats? On that?

I hope I'm not an alien. Not Japanese either. She was, I'm mostly Mexican and Italian.

Okay, that's a legit concern here-- like, if we're turning into weirdass aliens and shit, do we get to keep our heritage? I mean, that's not much of a concern for me, but, like, what if someone is super hyped up to be from, like... Austria. I dunno why you'd be hyped to be from Austria, but I guess it happens. But they become half alien, half Japanese. What happens to the Austria half?

Only two halves in a whole, man. Only two halves.

I don't know man, but it worries me, I like being... me. Plus a bunch of us were Japanese and I don't need to have to worry about that stupid turning Japanese song.

...Holy shit, what happens to us? Like, if we're just collectin' shit from someone else's life, then like... Are we just gonna be two people in one? Or like...

[ He trails off. This is the worst conversation in the world. ]

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[video] the conspiracies don't start till i walk in

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