savetheearth | text; 3/11, evening

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text; 3/11, evening

What do you think the percentage chance is that some of us are going to wind up in government basements getting experimented on?

I really want to know, I have to place my bets here and decide if I'm going to tell my mom about all this.

[There is one other thing she has to do though, and it's very important.

Very, very important.]

[Private to Marina; Audio]

I wanted to ask you a question. Can you meet me at [cafe] tonight?

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Have you ever met, in your entire life, someone who told you to stop saying shit about me? Isn't that answer enough?

[When you talk badly about someone whether people believe it or not, they'll find a target in them, too.]

Well... well, Lily's been... you know, saying things like that. But, you know, she's like... she wants everyone ever to get along.

[ She's also smart, and a friend, and someone Marina trusts.

Finally, she slowly turns to start putting her stuff back in her purse. ]

What did I ever do to you?!

You...

...we...

[ Something right? It's not like she hates Anais for no reason. She had reasons. Like how Anais is so... she doesn't really have any friends... and she's kind of weirdly polite to everyone she doesn't even seem to care about that much?

Marina freezes, staring down at the ground. ]

[She spent the entirety of third and fourth grade crying in her seat when she thought no one was looking, she did her best not to get close with anyone, she spent every weekend at home with her mom or babysitting until recently. Her family consisted of a dad who sometimes forgot she existed, a sister who she was constantly fighting with because she wouldn't come to her mom's on the weekends, a mom who was overworked, and the two boys next door who might as well have been her brothers.

She was a weird kid, but as she scrubs at her eyes (which she'll insist is because her hand hurts now, she never hit anybody before), she doesn't want to see any of the blame put on her.]

You have the perfect life, the perfect family, the perfect friends. When you asked me for help, I helped you. When you said mean things about me to Ben, I dropped it.

So why can't you leave me alone?! Why do you have to take away every chance I have at finding somebody who might be able to help me?!

You said I would kill you if given the chance. Publicly! On the network!

[ Yeah. No. Obvious you're fucking crying there Anais! Marina turned around in time to see that, to be confused... by actually minding it. ]

Perfect? [ That. There. Good job getting her riled up, and she staggers to her feet. ]

My parents barely fucking tolerate each other, my big brother and sister are perfect compared to my useless piece of shit self, and now I'm stuck turning into a fucking monster fighting cartoon character!

[ Those aren't tears that's just. Dust? ]

Don't give me any bullshit about having a perfect life! I have to assert myself, I've always had to fucking assert myself, because when I didn't no one even fucking knew I existed!

So you take it out on me?! Do you think I have it any better?! My dad barely even notices I exist, my sister is constantly fighting with my mom about even seeing her because our apartment is too small, and now I find out I'm a freaking murderer in my last life.

I don't feel bad for you, Marina! Go tell your friends I punched you if that's what you want--it's not like you can damage my reputation more. But next time you get yourself hurt, I'm not going to waste my energy helping you.

You... [ She stomps her foot on the ground. Marina wants to scream. She wants to slap Anais, or pull her hair, call her every dirty name in her vocabulary.

All of it sounds so familiar, and here's Anais, just... doing completely different things about it. It doesn't make sense. Doesn't it? It doesn't, right? Anais has talked shit but only to her directly, really, or when Marina's already talking shit about her in the same little conversation. ]

You really hate me don't you?

You called me a serial killer.

[You can safely say that is a yes.]

I was... it was a fucking joke! You never... I mean... before...

[ In retrospect that would hurt even more now. Ouch. ]

It's all bullshit!

That doesn't make it okay. [She clenches her fists at her side. She wants to hit her again because it felt really good, but Ben or Anthony would probably yell.]

Jokes are funny. Jokes are when people laugh with each other--not at each other. What you do is mean. What you do is kick other people down because you think it makes you better.

You know what it makes you, Marina? Human garbage.

I'm not... I... don't...

[ You do, you do, you do, and you know it. Picking on people to boost your own self-esteem like every stupid bullying PSA says you do. 'What if you'd met Jasmine just a month earlier, or without this whole mess?' she asks herself and... she doesn't really like the answer. ]

Sh-shut up shut up shut up...

Then leave me alone. [She will turn to go if Marina doesn't say anything else.]

[ No stop making her have to make decisions. How rude of you to do that. ]

...is that all you want?

I want a lot, like my reputation back, but sometimes we just don't get everything, do we?

I didn't ruin... come on, like they're gonna take me that seriously... I mean... right? This isn't school.

How many people like us are younger than 21?

A... lot of us. [ Danny's dumb enough to fall for it. Lily's less naive than Jasmine, who trusts her a lot (and that suddenly feels unwise of her), or at least she's seen less of bitchy Marina. A lot of the teenagers are just... teenagers. ]

...I really am shitty.

Glad you noticed. I'm going home.

[ She kicks the nearest fire hydrant, barely even noticing the stubbed toe. ]

I'msorry. [ Mushed together into one word because it's practically choking her to say it. ]

Tell it to someone who cares.

[She readjusts her own bag and turns on her heel to go home and cry on her mom for a while.]

[ No don't that's supposed to start fixing... fuck it, she doesn't deserve to fix it does she? She kicks the hydrant again, wincing, and turns the opposite way, not even sure where she should go. She had to sneak out for this? ]

[Anais thinks she deserves to feel bad for a while.

But still, she is really worried that Marina's friends are going to come after her now so tonight she is going to play board games with her mom and Ben and Jerry if she can rope them into it.]

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text; 3/11, evening

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