[open] wheel of morality turn turn turn

[flamberge]

Who: Karl Aurion & you!
When: 2/20
Where: Several places
What: A guy just learned his dead kid is not quite so dead and goes through a lot of emotions.

a. at locke city high school

[Today just happens to be one of those days, the kind where your mind can't stop over-thinking things. It hadn't started out this way for Karl, oh no. Upon arriving at school, the man looks oddly happy. How happy? Happy to the point he's practically humming and skipping. This happiness impacted him to the point that he forgot to wear a turtleneck and now displays some several-day-old hickies for all the world to see. When this realization hits, it gets shrugged off. Little annoyances can't get to him on a day like today because his precious son is ALIVE!!

This happiness gets shared with his first and second period classes in the form of last night's homework being extra credit and a free study session instead of a test today (needless to say a good chunk of the class was freaked by this oddly good mood). It's toward the end of second period that his mood suddenly begins to plummet due to the following train of thought: Lloyd is alive! He didn't die all those years ago when Karl tried to expose the force!! ...Like he's doing now. While still part of that corrupt force. Yup.

By the time second period ends, that happiness has become absent-minded worry. Every bad possibility about this whole mess receives at least some in-depth thought. One downside to thinking is that it leads to a lack of awareness about surroundings. Walking into something, nearly falling down the stairs, walking into his own door after believing it had been open and bumping into various people: every one of those happens to Karl.

All the rest of his classes get to witness this extremely out of it Mr. Locke, who still gives extra credit for the homework cause, hey, fairness. An attempt at teaching results in messing up on some very basic fact and that's when Karl opts to give the rest of the classes a study period, too, during which he tries to grade stuff only to either chew on a pencil or accidentally snap it. Simply put, the guy is just completely out of it for the rest of the school day.]

b. at the police station

[The absent-mindedness not only continues upon arriving at part 2 of today's work day, but actually gets worse. Being around other officers brings up thoughts of what if they found out Lloyd is alive? What if they know? What if they know and find out about him gathering up all the dirt again? What if they try to kill his son again to shut him up again? 

More pencil chewing ensures while trying to do paperwork. Anyone stumbling in on Karl would not only see the poor pencil suffering at his hand, but him running a hand through his hair constantly. At one point, a really loud crash and maybe some foreign swear words fill the station air. Mr. Deputy Superintendent went to get some of the craptastic office coffee, became lost in thought and, once again, walked into a closed door thinking it'd been left open, with the bonus perk of spilling hot coffee all over himself. What a wonderful day today is. Really.]

c. at the mall

[It must be an odd sight, seeing a 6'1" guy walking through the mall with hickies on his neck and a large coffee stain visible on the bit of shirt poking out through his jacket who keeps bumping into people and runs into a trashcan at some point. Any odd looks are either lost on or ignored by Karl. Too much is on his mind to give a damn right now. The coffee incident effectively destroyed one of the last nice shirts in his wardrobe. Unappealing as shopping for clothes tonight might be, best to do it now and get it out of the way before all the rest of his clothes end up spontaneously combusting. Judging by how today's going, it could happen.

Lady Luck smiles down on this wretched soul during the actual shopping. By sheer luck, the right sizes of shirts are grabbed and no one is at the check out line. Maybe a mannequin or two got bumped into, but otherwise it's nothing but smooth sailing. The trouble begins upon walking out of the store and getting back into severely intense thinking about Lloyd and everything associated with the kid.

A sigh escapes him as he decides to just sit down to collect his thoughts and avoid any further collisions. A bench gets picked at random and he plops his bum right down on it... only to sit on half-eaten nachos. Karl appears about as happy as one would expect. Maybe, just maybe, this a sign that he's over-thinking things. ]

Comments

[flamberge]

[Nothing about the problem gets said when she arrives. A thanks for coming, maybe a brief chat, but nothing about the reason behind the near fatal door encounters. Right now, getting his mind off the topic, even for a few minutes, feels necessary. Karl had never been as glad for deciding to add benefits to their friendship as today because goddamn he needs this today.

Screwing around manages to nicely push all the fun thoughts out of mind. At least for as long as it's going on. Though a good deal more relaxed after, those thoughts almost instantly come back while lying there in bed next to Melissa. He resists a groan but ends up making a face. Of course not even sex would make those go away. He's not that lucky.]

[stopinthenameofawe]

[Oh please, Karl. She's a good lay, but no one's that good.

Luckily for both her and Karl, she knows that face is probably not due to what just happened. So she'll roll over onto her side, propped up on an elbow with her eyebrows raised.] Want to talk now?

[flamberge]

[At the movement from Melissa's end, Karl rolls his head over to look at her. Nothing else happens momentarily, just looking. After a lot of internal debating abut what to say, if anything, he sighs while looking away from her.]

...The other day I... I found that my son's alive.

[stopinthenameofawe]

[Melissa's eyes widen, moving so she's on her stomach as she looks over at him. She's not even entirely sure she knew he ever had a kid.] Holy shit. But... that's good, right? [your reaction isn't quite clear on that front.]

[flamberge]

[Sigh. This is where it gets complicated.]

It is but it isn't.

[Alright, maybe saying more than that would help. Karl mulls over how to best put this. Once thoughts are in order, he looks back over at her.]

I'm happy that he's alive. [A teeny, but so obviously genuine smile appears on his face that it practically brightens up the room.] Very happy.

[The smile then vanishes as quickly as it appeared. Lloyd being alive is the good part; there's still a bad part left to say.]

But my involvement in various things can endanger his life... again and this time he may not be as fortunate.

[stopinthenameofawe]

[The smile... different, but not in a bad way. Melissa reaches out, gently tucking a stray bit of hair behind Karl's ear- more an assurance then anything, even though the next part is... pretty confusing.]

Does that kind of thing happen frequently with you? [it's a bit dry, though clearly concerned. what the hell are you/did you do Karl? But she won't press, sighing.] Is it as simple as just... keeping him out of it?

[flamberge]

[The small touch has the intended effect, something seen when Karl leans in gently towards the touch. Assurance, even just a small and simple one like a touch, is something he needs right now.]

No, it doesn't and it isn't.

[Another bout of hesitation rushes over him. Does he trust Melissa enough to tell her the details? The first woman in his bed in over a decade, one who's intelligent, one who's fun and one who's willing to listen to his fears and worries: yes, he does.]

My wife and Lloyd... were murdered by the police force 15 years ago when I attempted to expose all the corruption. If they were to learn he's alive and notice that I'm no longer as loyal a dog as before, they may use him as leverage to gain my compliance.

[stopinthenameofawe]

[Melissa takes a few moments to stare as she processes this. His wife and child were killed by the police, who have apparently been corrupt much longer than she had known about, and now that one of them isn't actually dead, he's (quite rightfully) afraid of a repeat. And he's been keeping this locked up inside him for the past fifteen years.

This is one of the few times in her life that Melissa genuinely doesn't know what to say.]

Oh my god, Karl...

[It comes out stunned, concerned, and sympathetic- his pain and worry is almost tangible. She reaches out again, this time to wrap the older man in an embrace. Even if they were purely just friends, this is something she would do. This is what she'd do if anyone she cared for was in pain and she didn't know how to help- hold them, try and comfort them until she figured out something useful to say.]

[flamberge]

[God, how much and how long did he need this hug? A lot and a long time. Someone just providing a comforting touch, just being there, is more enough right now. Karl fully leans into and returns the embrace, holding her close. Staying like this, in silence and not saying anything further doesn't sound unappealing.

More still remains to be said, however. Starting this conversation and not finishing it wouldn't do. Maybe Karl also finally wants to tell someone this, too. Spilling everything to another person might be just what the doctor ordered. No one had ever heard the other part of this story, either. Melissa would get to be the lucky first.

He hesitates, swallowing hard, before speaking.]

They threatened the remainder of my family, too. [The embrace tightens, though unconsciously. The usually cool and calm voice of Karl's sounds near close to cracking when he speaks next.] I haven't spoken to them or anyone from back home in nearly 15 years just to ensure their safety, but...

[But they can still get hurt, now more so than ever gets left unsaid. The network taught him that this line of thinking is selfish, but reconciling with friends and family still hasn't happened all thanks to that fear. For 15 years, he'd been cut off from them and he isn't sure whether or not to change it now. Is going back worth potentially endangering their lives?]

[stopinthenameofawe]

[As soon as his grip tightens, even that little bit, Melissa will pull him in closer, stroking his hair and trying to think of anything she can do to comfort him. She can't even begin to understand that level of pain and fear.

She keeps him in her arms, not even thinking about letting go anytime soon. There's a lot of time here to make up for. Hearing his voice like that isn't helping matters, either.]

...You want to, don't you? [she can't quite understand that either- so much of her old life she'd rather not think about ever again. But he was obviously hurting over this too.]

[flamberge]

[All these attempts at comfort do the job well enough. Karl might not relax per say, but some of the fear, some of the loneliness, goes away at the contact. Giving this relationship a try, this friendship with benefits, had to have been the best decision he'd made in a long time. This time last year, lying in someone's embrace like this and baring his soul would have been an unrealistic, impossible fantasy.

Now, here he is. Karl breathes a soft sigh, one which is more of an attempt to calm himself rather than anything else. The action succeeds in evening his tone of voice, if nothing else.]

I do, I really do. I've made trips to Boston a few times and watched them from a distance. They all seem well.

[Well without him so why change anything if everyone's happy? As long as they're happy then that's what counts. Him feeling lonely for 15 years doesn't really matter that much.]

Much as I may miss them, any joyous reunions are not worth their lives.

[stopinthenameofawe]

[If Melissa could hear his thought process, she might shake him. She thinks him being lonely for the past fifteen years matters a lot. But she can't, so she just keeps up what she's doing, glad it's helping even a little.]

How does keeping away from them really help them? [It's a gentle question, since she's not trying to rile or upset him- but if people wanted to get back at Karl, they'd go after his family even if he wasn't in contact with them. Still, she's going to give him an out from the question if he doesn't want to answer it.] I'm sure they miss you too.

[flamberge]

[How gently, not judgmentally, that's said helps in prying an answer from Karl. A moment of hesitation comes first, but an answer shortly follows. It's odd sound due to actually sharing his thought process on this for the first time ever.]

If the corrupt portion of the force believes I no longer care for them then they may assume harming them will do little to help in gaining my loyalty or be a poor punishment for there lack of.

[No comment gets made to the latter half of that. Do they miss him? Would they miss someone who just up and vanished without a trace?]

[stopinthenameofawe]

[It's a decent point, though it sort of depends on if the force can see it's an act... Melissa can't answer that, though, so she won't touch on it. Instead she'll just keep holding him, and after a moment's consideration, she carefully places a kiss on his forehead, one that's more platonic than anything.]

I'm sorry.

[flamberge]

[A kiss, a hug and someone just listening to this story: not only is it more than he expected, but it's more than he deserves. The sorry gets a head shake in reply.]

I'm the one who chose this path; no one else by myself is responsible for the result of that choice.

[Self-blaming, an aspect of himself not easily noticeable, decides to rear its ugly little head. It's true enugh, though. Had he not tried to expose everything or been as reckless with then maybe Lloyd would have grown up with him instead of being a near stranger.]

[stopinthenameofawe]

[Ok, she might whack his arm a little for that. None of that bullshit.]

Karl, you had no idea what they were going to do. You tried to do the right thing, and what happened was not your fault.

[and to make sure this sinks in, you are still getting hugged. You completely deserve this.]

[flamberge]

[The whack gets a small flinch coupled with a look of surprise. That quickly fades back into the previous, serious expression. He gives his head a soft shake.]

No, I should have been more cautious or asked for outside aid instead doing a majority of the work myself.

[Thanks for the kind words, but it's okay. Karl knows he did screw up, even if only somewhat. Bad as this sounds, it's a vast improvement over blaming himself completely and barely living because of it.]

[stopinthenameofawe]

[Sigh. Well this is obviously more deep-rooted than she can deal with right now, so she'll let it go. And rub the place she smacked a little.]

...What are you doing to do now?

[flamberge]

[Sighing happens from Karl's end, too. That question leads to the heart of his confusion about all this. Just what the hell does he do now?]

I can't keep turning a blind eye to everything anymore, but... I'm scared that doing something might end up harming Lloyd.

[stopinthenameofawe]

[Melissa's quiet, mulling this over. Yeah, forcing himself to keep quiet again is probably not an option, especially with how downhill everything seems to be going with Shermand and co.]

...Who else knows he's alive?

[flamberge]

[Naomi and Lyall and Melissa are the only three so far. It's a small, very small number but it doesn't mean that the information can't spread. Or maybe he just has an irrational fear that it will spread.]

Two or three others at most.

[stopinthenameofawe]

Keep it small. Make sure anyone you've told knows it's not to be shared. [It sucks, that he can't be openly and totally happy about it, but it doesn't look like he has much of a choice. And Melissa knows just how much information can spread.] They can't target him if they still think he's dead, right? [it's not perfect, but she can't come up with anything else.]

[flamberge]

I know, I've told Lloyd the same, as well.

[It sucks having to tell your own kid that, really does. Little other choice exists now. Even with so few people knowing, the worry the news will spread still remains.]

Even so, I still can't shake the fear that somehow it will be uncovered and he'll get killed.

[stopinthenameofawe]

[She knows, she knows...]

Maybe once all this is over, you'll be able to be more open about it. [She certainly hopes so.] For now... all you can do is be careful.

[flamberge]

Yeah. That's the only choice I have now, isn't it?

[The question is one he knows the answer to, but just wants to hear it confirmed. Knowing that that's the right choice is all he needs to stick with it.]