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I remembered something strange.

I was laying on my back on a stone floor in a closed room, covered only by a white yukata--or something like that. Maybe it was just a sheet. I don't know.

Anyway, I looked around and saw four identical girls, wearing clothes like a Japanese shrine maiden. In their hands were hammers and stakes. It looked something like this I think. [She links to a painting she did of the event, carefully blocking her own face out.] There were others like me pinned to the floor and the walls.

One by one the girls knelt down; I struggled but I couldn't move. My limbs just felt heavy. Then there was a pain spreading through my body, like nothing I can explain. The girls put the tips of the stakes on each palm and ankle. The pain spread up to my neck, then my face. It looked like my skin was bruising all over-- I know it doesn't make sense, but that's what it looked like. My eyes started to hurt next, then I watched the hammers strike the stakes at once and felt a sharp pain.

And then nothing.

People don't share their memories much, but I don't have anyone else to turn to. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I'll try to do research of my own, but.

I'm a little scared.

Sorry.

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Feel free to speak at length. Get it out of your system.

[Elle may not trust the network but she's learning to be a bit more personable when accessing it. One doesn't gain allies by being prickly. There are ways to maintain the cloak of anonymity without getting hostile. Sympathy's part of politics. Most sane people tend to reciprocate good will.]

Thank you.

I'm not sure what else to say. I was scared; I'm not sure if I knew what was going on. I guess I was sacrificed for something, but I don't know what for or why.

Looking up ancient rituals is hard enough without access to Japanese research, since I assume that's where it took place.

Perhaps time will offer more clarity. The next vision may fill in the blanks. Whether or not you want those blanks filled is another matter entirely though.

Perhaps I was saving the world. That'd make it a little more bearable.

Part of me wonders if I should run back to those statues and see, but that's probably not a good idea.

Probably not. You never know what might hit you when it comes to the stranger things in this city.

I'm starting to regret moving here. Bit too late for that now though, right? It's not like we can close our ears and eyes to it now.

Best we can do is cope with what might hit us.

Oh, wow. I don't think you have to say sorry. Anyone could be a little scared by that.

[Well, okay, there are probably a few people who wouldn't be, but let's not talk about them.]

It doesn't really sound familiar, but would having any help with the research make you feel better?

I'd like that a lot. I'm not sure where to begin at all, to be honest.

I'm not sure googling "sacrifice rituals in Japan" would get me far. Would it?

It might. I don't really know enough about the subject to know how much is out there, but sometimes the problem with googling stuff isn't finding something so much as finding the right thing.

I found a little something just now. Something about girls being buried alive as sacrifices to protect buildings or places from disasters or things like that.

Maybe that's what it was... I mean, the source is google so who knows how reliable that is, but it's a start, I guess.

This whole this is surreal.

Edited 2013-05-12 06:46 (UTC)

Well, we're sitting on top of a pretty decent academic library with a good anthropology department, right? I don't know if there's a lot on Japan, but I bet there's at least something that'd point to whether google's off its rocker or not.

It's pretty weird. I feel like I've lucked out with the stuff I remember, compared to a lot of people.

I'm starting to wonder which is worse. Being sacrificed to protect a place, or being sacrificed for the sake of needing a sacrifice. I didn't think I'd ever have to think about that either.

What have you remembered, if I can ask?

Just...songs. Music. I can sing them perfectly but I haven't got a clue what the words actually mean, or even what language they're in.

Hmm. Can you write the lyrics down? Maybe you can cross-check them with some of the more common languages and see iff it sounds similar to them?

I'd be stabbing in the dark at spelling and romanization, but it's still worth a shot.

If I can help, let me know.

Oh, it might help if you had my name, right? I'm Rei. I work at the college. I know they say something about keeping details secret, but there's no way to help each other if we don't know who we are.

Oh! From the art department, right? I mean it's a big school so I guess there could theoretically be another Rei in there somewhere, but

This is Lucy!

Oh, Lucy! You're the psychology major, right? Or something like that? I hope this is the Lucy I'm thinking of anyhow.

I can catch up with you at the college tomorrow if that'd be easier.

Right, that's me! Maybe we should just do this over coffee. Coffee and bad papers.

that sounds terrifying.
i had a scary one too.

What did you remember?

nothing as bad as yours.
i was hurting someone. someone small.

sorry, it's not even close to the same.

No, it's okay. Talking about it helps get it off your chest.

Do you know the person?

That does sound disturbing. Nothing wrong with being scared by that.

I just feel bad wasting everyone's time. I'm sure everyone's had scary memories, it's not like this is a special case, right?

It's not. But what does that mean, beyond that you aren't alone? You're not the first to seek solace. I fear you won't be the last, either.

That's true. I suppose I just worry. I'm not sure where to go from here, but I've found some things about human sacrifices that sounds like it might be similar to this.

Which isn't really as comforting as I thought.

No, I suppose not. Might it help to think of the man or woman you were in the vision as someone other than yourself? I know I do that with mine. He's not all that much like me.

I don't know how alike or not she is from me--I'm pretty sure I was a girl, anyway. I don't think I was much older than I am now either.

I don't think there's much difference between me and her, really. That makes it a little harder, but... But that's good advice. I'll give it a try.

What's the other you like?

But you don't know much about her at all. For all you know it's one of those weird cases of a distant relative or a total stranger who looks and sounds just about the same. And in that case it is terrible that these things have happened to her, of course, you would help if you could. Ah, well, he's not human, he's some kind of medic or healer and also I suppose a spy, and he signed up for the latter position when he was eight. Which is distressing to me, but wasn't to him, apparently.

I suppose you're right. It's just hard to think of it like that. I don't know. Intellectually I know you're right, but emotionally I don't feel like I can do that. Maybe I'm just being stupid or too emotional right no. If I calm down more and treat this more like a project, maybe I'll have better luck.

8?? And signing up to be a spy? I don't even know what to say. I want to say "That's crazy!" but wherever he's from it must not have been a big deal. I can't imagine what organization would accept and eight year old though.

Hey, don't worry about it. Interpret it how you like, whatever works for you. Just saying what's worked for me and some others. Apparently that's "young enough to be underestimated". I know he wasn't human. Maybe this was like eight years on this plane or earth, or something.

That's terrifying, yeah. I don't... know what else to say?

The support is nice, thank you.

Have you remembered something scary too?

... I was about to say no, but then I remembered -- very second memory I got, before I knew what they were. I had a horrible nightmare, where I'd... I'd gotten something I'd always wanted, and everything was great... I think it was a coronation? I was about to be crowned emperor, or something, I don't know. It's all really, really fuzzy and unclear.

But I was about to be crowned, or I'd just been crowned, and this person I was certain was dead showed up. And he basically told me that I was a miserable failure and then he murdered me. By uh. Doing something that ripped me apart atom by atom.

I think I'm lucky that it's all really fuzzy and I don't remember it well. Mostly I just got the pain.

Anyway I thought it was just a really vivid and incoherent nightmare, but now I think... yeah.

That sounds terrible. I don't know what to say. Ripped apart by atoms... how is that even possible?

At first I was eager to see what this was all about, but I'm really wishing I hadn't. It's too late to back out now, though, I know that too.

If you need someone to talk to, you're welcome to talk to me. Everyone needs someone they can lean on a little, especially now.

... thanks, actually. I mean that, like... I've always been all woo strong and independent, and stuff, right? I just...

I keep trying to keep all this bottled up, but I think maybe it IS better to talk to people. So thanks.

Anyway I hope it doesn't get too much worse for you, I'd be scared to find out what comes next too. At least for me, I know that whoever that was in my vision is dead, that was the end.

Anyone with any sense would be scared after a memory like that.

[... It's his way of being comforting. He can't just say stuff like that straight out. Nope.]

That's true enough, I guess. I'm just not sure what to do with it.

A lot of these pulses are like that. A lot of the time, they don't seem to give anything that useful. Or that's what other people have generally said.

I wonder what the point is then. I thought it'd be to build it up so it's not a shock, but before this I haven't gotten anything this...bad.

Hopefully the pieces will all start to come together soon. I hope.

[He's not sure there even is a point, really.]

What did you get before?

Just a sense of intense sadness when it rained. [She doesn't know her sixth sense is back too yet]

I don't know why, but when it rained I felt like there was a hole in my heart, something missing I couldn't get back. Compared to most people, it wasn't bad.

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