savetheearth | eight sick, disgusting thoughts

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eight sick, disgusting thoughts | text

You know what the most fun part about space depression and a brand new job at the city morgue is? It doesn't leave you a whole lot of free time to hang out with some of your biggest, best, and/or only friends.

For everybody new to the numbers club, I'm Brooke. I'm a mortician, and I guess on the side I try to provide services for the undead in our little community. Mostly vampires, some zombies, you know, that kind of thing. I used to be a girl named Terra, a superhero who could move the earth. So if you're looking to break ground on a new house or something, I'd be your woman for that, too.

For everyone else: Any new developments that we're keeping quiet about? Mostly I just see people complaining about Valentine's Day. Did anybody kill anybody else recently? Imagine I'm saying that with the flattest voice possible. Here, I'll use an emoticon. :|

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I got into an altercation with a chainsaw, but that was actually a while ago. And completely regrettable.

[Mostly.]

You know, not that I'm one of the vampires who need assistance so far, thankfully, but what do you mean when you say you provide it? Just curious, you understand~.

A mortician? shit thats kind of interesting.

...Does death within this community really warrant 'the flattest voice possible'.

[HE IS NEW AND YOU'RE SCARING HIM.]

I think you told me about that. Unless there was another one. How many chainsaw incidents are you actually running up against, anyway?

Back when I worked in a smaller place, I saved the blood I drained from decedents and gave it to vampires in need. Totally for free. I make enough money on my own, and why be a jerk about this kind of thing, right?

Hey, I try. I can't spend ALL my time making lewd jokes about people's legs. If you ever need anything from me, don't be afraid to ask.

Did you see that Mr. Proud got killed?
If so then no more murders. Afaik. I DID get ladyslaughtered at one point, 8ut Mrs. Curry doesn't think it counts as legitim8 murder.
And welcome 8ack to friendtown! I guess.

No, not really. Even with me being a mortician and everything. It's just... we've dealt with members of the numbers club murdering non-club members before, and I really don't want to have to deal with it again. It's not a pleasant experience. I mean, naturally.

I did see that, yeah. I'm going to withhold my opinion on it until I hear more details.

Being collateral damage is pretty terrible. You're okay, though? I mean, I can tell that you are. I'm glad. I missed you. No homo.

Some homo.

Fair enough. I guess. And of COURSE I am ok! Dying is WAY past 8eing old news once it happens more than once. Snoozefest! Wow.
And I missed you too and junk. (Only partially past life homo.)

I guess it's pretty comforting to know that I'll never have to do any work on you. How's things otherwise? Alan told me you were staying with... someone who's not Gavin who I forget the name of already. Any word as to whether you're still technically fugitives?

8ertholdt and Ryan! Aka 8aradad and Ukemom. The guys who are getting married?
Living with them is actually pretty gr8! And not JUST 8ecause it is a yaoihouse.
I am also pretty sure that we are still wanted as hell. Is there a statute of limit8tions on fakey-fake trumped-up 8ullshit terrorism charges?
And is sending policemen xeno smutfics a8out them illegal? THAT might affect shit too.

I think you're severely underestimating just how much I actually know about what's going on here. Congratulations to... those two. I don't want to call them "baradad" and "ukemom" because I've been tricked by your Japanese before. But I'm glad you're safe!

I know as your responsible older sister figure, I should be disappointed in you for sending police officers smutty fanfiction where they, I guess, get screwed by aliens. But honestly I'm pretty proud. That's fighting the system in a safe and hilarious way.

Personally, I'd rather keep that sort of complaining to myself. Or at least not here.

[After all, she did enough to run her reputation into the ground on Friday all on her own. No matter how many Numbers people she ran into then. Not that she really cared if that got out now; she didn't have a lot to complain about with Valentine's Day anyhow.]

I've mostly been trying to figure out how not to break things with my powers. Except when I want to.

Edited 2014-02-17 16:48 (UTC)

Hey! Ryan LIKES 8eing called 8aradad. Like I am 88% sure he gets a major kick out of that shit.
8ut anyway! I can't even take full credit for the fanfic. You know the guy who pretended to 8e the police chief?
He helped! http://simonedhard.tumblr.com/ ::::)

Ooooh, I see. [He grimaces a little bit because well, that seems pretty gross to him - but then again, he feeds off his boyfriend, and many people would probably call that gross.] That's very sweet of you. I can imagine it must be hard to come by blood if you don't happen to have a willing donor nearby.

Well, at least one of us knows that the network isn't our tumblr. ;)

If you figure out how to control your powers better, pass it along? I started out with almost perfect control and then echoed back worse control. It's awesome. What can you do?

Tavia. You have a problem. You're too excellent for this world.

I wouldn't know! I've never gone looking. And the blood just gets wasted otherwise, so why not help people out with it? It's a lot harder to smuggle it out now that I work for the city, but I'm managing. Barely.

If you ever do need my help, I'm pretty sure I'm the only Brooke on here.

Yet I still seem to get caught up in stupid things. I try to consider the fact this is an important resource, at least.

Regardless... I turn into a magical girl.

[That's becoming WAY too easy to type casually.]

But I somehow always thought they'd be much gentler. I get all around boosts to my physical abilities, so I'm much stronger and faster. I can also shoot energy out of my hands. I nearly blew up my back yard last week.

Losing control via pulses doesn't make much sense, though... Though I guess we can't be promised this all comes to us chronologically either. You think there's any chance that will kind of loop around on itself back to normal?

[He makes a small, soft noise, possibly with a trace of amusement to it.]

That's really very kind of you, but it seems like I can only feed on the blood of one human. Meaning that if I lose that supply, I'm most likely require the kind of favors a mortician more usually supplies, if you see what I mean? [Wow, that wasn't morbid or anything.]

Need what

a body stuffed?

...a dead body at all?

I can turn into all of other-me now. Four eye-zuh, no mouth, the works.

Is knowing-ing your other name a new thing for you?

Sometimes I genuinely feel a little 8it 8ad for other people who have to like. Try and keep up.
It is like I have a gr8 8ig pile of amazing talents, and every8ody else is left scra88ling in the dirt.
Speaking of talents! How's your whole echo situ8tion l8ly. Space depression aside!

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