January 02 | Text

[phoenix_temple]

Okay so. Question. For everyone.

I'm kind of freaking out a little bit? Because the other day I really and actually kind of saved my least favorite person in school when she kind of got cut because she sent me on a stupid dare (don't do a stupid dare when you know it's in a bad area. That's common sense, but she is really annoying tbf). But it was with some stupid spell like in old action shows where you had to yell out your attacks and this is decidedly not normal.

I mean it's not violent, so it's okay right? I can help people with it and it's useful right? Except I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with a spell that can make someone unstabbed.

And I am really freaking out because I do not understand what the fuck wind has to do with making people unstabbed.

Healing. The word is healing except that sound so stupid like something from some kind of fantasy movie or comic or game or something omg. But like. What if my mom finds out???

I feel obligated to do something good with it but I don't know what or how I mean come on I'm only 17 and this is a lot of responsibility and I haven't slept in like two days because what if I wake up with wings or gills or I torch my room in my sleep or something.

Comments

[espigeonage]

Probably. Sooner or later, anyway. But you don't have to go running after it. There is space on the sidelines.

Like - me, I can't fight. It's something the other me did a lot, but I can't see myself doing that. So there are things other people will go into, and I won't.

[phoenix_temple]

[Anais drops her face into her arms on the table. She's so freaking exhausted just from thinking. Her voice is a little muffled.]

I just want to get back to my life. School. Track. Babysitting. Music. That is all I want.

[espigeonage]

[He closes his eyes for a moment and sighs, more deeply than is humanly possible.] Normal life is complicated enough. I know. I know.

I wish this wasn't such a thing too.

[phoenix_temple]

The girl who I was--she and Marina were fighters. Them and another girl.

But... I guess I got stuck with the dumb end of the stick. Marina can blast people with water. I get fixing things.

Nobody wants to use a power like that. It's better to prevent getting hurt than fixing it...

[espigeonage]

I'd rather be able to fix things than break them. If you have a... blasting power then to use it you pretty much have to be in danger and hurt people. Right?

There will always be people who fight. We have a lot of them already. They don't always come back in one piece. We have few people, very few, who can help them with that. Even normal medic types - I work at the clinic and I've had first aid training, that's all - we're strongly outnumbered.

[phoenix_temple]

Someone said I could volunteer there. But what use am I going to be? I don't even know how anything works...

[espigeonage]

You can always learn. I came in knowing a little - I volunteered at an infirmary in college once, you know - but I know a lot more than I did. And, well, they always need someone doing chores. Cleaning, stocking, greeting people. Making sure no one feels like they've been forgotten.

I used to do a lot of stocking, but I'm not really at ease in that room anymore. Even though we've moved all the shelves around.

[phoenix_temple]

[Teenage curiosity. She looks up from her arms.]

What happened?

[espigeonage]

[Julien smiles without humor.] The Blood Keys happened. I was in the stockroom, and one of them came in and shot me. Now I get anxious if I'm in there on alone.

They seem to regard that whole thing as embarrassing and haven't come back. We've stepped up security, too. Still, the clinic's in a bad area and they've hit it once. It's all right if it sounds too risky to go there a lot.

[phoenix_temple]

[She drops her eyes.] ... Sorry.

I still want to help. It's not fair for me to keep this to myself. He said her compassion was her source. I should at least honor that.

[espigeonage]

It's all right. I'm fine now, I just - don't like being in that room.

This is something you should sleep on. I think you'll be fine, Anais.