[004] VOICE

[epimethean]

I was out of the country, in case anyone was wondering. Yes, hello, I'm the computer guy, for those of you who--who forgot.

[Hi, Wheatley. You're sounding very exasperated today.]

I mean, I probably should've said something, but you know how it goes. Get yourself into a spot of trouble, spontaneously develop superpowers, spend the rest of the week holed up in your apartment, and finally get on a plane to England but not before stuffing your pockets full of notes to yourself about all of--all of this.

[Amazing, tell us more.]

And here--here's my tangentially related question, while we're at it. How many of you have got powers that are--that are completely useless? And I don't mean "might possibly have some kind of legitimate application in the future" and/or "might possibly be somewhat useful in an out-of-the-box sort of way if you tilt your head and squint" and/or "might possibly become useful with subsequent pulses/echoes/whatever we're calling them today". I mean really useless, completely and totally and irrevocably useless, to the point where I don't--I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with it.

Ordinarily, I would assume this is a sort of--sort of a common occurrence, but the general consensus seems to be powers that are, at least, somewhat useful, and I'm trying very hard to be helpful around here, but at the moment I'm sort of at a loss.

That was my holiday, so.

Comments

voice

[synonymouswithdookie]

Oh shit. You left.

Oh SHIT, how long has it been since all those fake facebook things were updated!?

Re: voice

[epimethean]

What? No, we've got some of them set to auto-update, some of them are being--are being maintained by other members of the club, everything's fine, mate.

voice

[synonymouswithdookie]

Okay.

Okay, good. I thought I was doomed.

Some more.

What's all this other crap, you get a useless superpower or something?

text

[mood2wiingiing]

how terrible and useless are we talking about?
i need deets lol.

[epimethean]

Like Cyclops except not cool at all and also completely pointless.

[mood2wiingiing]

cyclops
hes the guy with eye lasers right??

audio;

[hawaiianheir]

Depends, did yours show up when you got startled by a crazy toaster?

[epimethean]

I got mugged!

[hawaiianheir]

Ahahaha, shit, really? Blood Keys then, I take it?

voice

[tenaciousc]

So they're still, uh... on?

[Tact!]

I still haven't figured out what that gun thing does, for what it's worth.

[epimethean]

Some...times. I mean, I think I've figured out how to turn them off, so now it's just a matter of making sure they don't--don't turn on. At. Inopportune moments.

Shame about the gun, though. Haven't managed anything at all?

[tenaciousc]

[Insert the off-color remark of your choice about "turning on" at inopportune moments here.]

Still just makes blue discs. Actually, you know what, I've been meaning to ask the network about it. Back in a sec.

[It's a little more than "a sec", but after she makes that post, she tacks on another reply:]

Okay, that's done. How often are they coming on by themselves?

[originaloddcouple]

Aw, come on buddy!

I'm sure they can be plenty useful! You just need to have confidence!

[epimethean]

Maybe in a dark room! I have literally become a walking flashlight.

[originaloddcouple]

Sounds helpful at night!

Or during a blackout!

Or a blackout at night!

Voice;

[parkourbot]

Uh... I got a metal spine, sort of?

[epimethean]

But, see, I'd imagine that might be actually useful. It's only sort of metal? Or your spine is metal, sort of? Because there is--I'd imagine there's an important distinction, as far as that's concerned.

audio;

[drama8om8]

Hey! You can get useless shit at first and then grab all the useful cool stuff later on. I'm living proof! I started out with my superpower being fucking controlling coin flips, and now I'm an immortal mind-controlling superfairy. So you might be ridiculously overpowered later, too! So sweet.

[epimethean]

Aren't you holed up somewhere because the entire city pegged you as a terrorist?

[Voice]

[dododo]

What have you found yourself with, then?

[epimethean]

Eye lasers that aren't so much lasers as they are...flashlights.

text;

[hustru]

What is it?

[epimethean]

Eye beams, of some kind? Less eye lasers and more like...eye flashlights, unfortunately.

text;

[eras]

i can magically change into pajamas
not like turning myself into them
but i can swap my outfit into them

[epimethean]

You don't have to get out of bed to get dressed. That's pretty convenient, I'd say.