Who: Anyone who has pre-arranged a Ravi thread w/me When/Where: Various What: This is a catch-all for some pre-planned threads. Hit me up OOCly if you would like to arrange something.
The book sitting on the coffee table had not been there when Ravi left for work the night before. It wasn't a particularly thick or weighty volume, about the size of a typical light-reading paperback. It was bound with twine laced through a set of holes in the pages, a bit like an antique version of a 3-ring binder. The cover was worn and the edges frayed, and a great many pages had been so thoroughly dog-eared that some were missing their corners entirely.
Bold black lettering stood out against the yellowed cover, spelling out both title and author in the rounded swirling characters of Threan's written language. Julian and Roksana, by Adrian Maxwell.
Ravindra didn't notice it there. He entered the apartment, took off his shoes and hung up his coat by the door, and was immediately distracted by Olivia's aggressive plea for attention. Which is to say that he couldn't move without tripping over her, so he gave up trying and crouched to pet her instead.
Alex had taken to spending more time in the living room than his bedroom. The latter felt more constrictive, emphasized his restriction to the apartment more than the former. His sleeping schedule was so thoroughly fucked as to not exist -- he slept when he could, which was never full or particularly revitalizing. Whenever he closed his eyes, it was crapshoot whether he'd imagine being staked, surrounded by dirt, killing a girl, or begging to be killed.
The last two were courtesy the latest memory he'd Echoed back. It was the girl that haunted him the most. Laurel. He'd hypnotized her, then thanked her, and then he drained her. She'd stood peacefully until she'd begun to die. Then she had thrashed.
And he had kept his teeth in her throughout.
Disgust, fear, unease, and dread. He cycled through the four ever since obtaining that memory. Would he someday be capable of the same? Oh, but he understood why that him sought death -- didn't understand why he went about it the way he did, was repulsed by it, really, but he understood, or thought he did.
Such thoughts made for terrible company. When Alex saw the aged book on the coffee table, he was quick to turn its pages for a distraction. He was mildly surprised to find it written in the language Ravi had Echoed back, recognized as such only because Ravi was slowly teaching it to him as another means to keep busy.
Most of it, he didn't understand. When Ravi returned, Alex was flipping to one of the pages without a corner, scanning the lines for a word he might recognize. He paused to greet him, then returned to task. Slow, stilted, and effectively oblivious, he read aloud, "Julian, displaying his tactical genius, infiltrated his beautiful arrow into Tabea's parted honey pot. But it was Tabea who had outwitted him, for her heavenly nectar ensnared him in her stickily sweet trap. The key was hers."
Threan was an easy language to sound out--the alphabet was very phonetic, if arranged unusually on a page. But it was a language that was intended to flow smoothly from one syllable to the next, and so the stilted reading made for delayed recognition of what was actually being said. At first, Ravi assumed Alex was practicing by reading out of the Book of Alm, which he'd been using to teach him from.
But Tabea was not a name out of that book. Ravi's head snapped up. He saw the cover and a growing look of horror spread over his face as Alex kept reading.
He abandoned the cat, nearly tripping over her as he rushed to the couch to snatch the book out of Alex's hands. "Where did you get this?" he demanded, one hand on the armrest, the other holding the book up by his shoulder, out of Alex's reach.
And then that last line's meaning sank in and embarrassed outrage turned to indignant outrage. "Oh my god--did you just spoil it, too?!"
In all his days, Alex never imagined Ravi would be angrily snatching a book from his hands in a panic. He stared up at Ravi (up, because he was lying on the couch with his head propped by a cushion), brows slowly rising.
"You did," he accused, like it was an unforgivable crime. Now he knew where all that buildup about the key was leading and the dramatic tension would be totally ruined and ugh.
...And then the uncomfortable realization that he was getting upset over spoilers in a romance novel from which Alex had just read aloud a sex scene. Sure, Alex probably had no idea what he was saying, but that thought was not present at the forefront of Ravi's mind at the moment.
He pulled back, holding the book against his chest like he was trying to conceal its existence. "What were you doing in my room?" Also accusatory, but this time with an edge of discomfort to it, hinting that this was something he hadn't wanted anyone to find.
He squinted, an upside-down look of confusion peering up at Ravi because Alex was damn comfortable in his position on the couch. He wasn't going to compromise it if the situation had no need.
"It was in the kitchen," he said, a tinge of humored dubiety in his voice.
He huffed out something like a laugh. "Vin, you know I don't go in your room!"
Not after the shitstorm of making that mistake during their first year as roommates. He'd broken that rule only once since, when he'd tried to convince Ravi of his vampirism by hypnotizing Adhirat, because he'd been too determined to make Ravi see the light (and also pissed) to honor it.
Yeah that was not the sort of mistake a person made twice. Ravi was very adamant about his private spaces staying private. Moreso when anything legitimately embarrassing was involved.
"What, are you going to tell me Adhi dragged it into the kitchen for you to find?"
Ravi did not hand it back. In fact, he shifted it slightly farther out of Alex's reach. "That Tabea seduces Julian for the key--" WAIT WHY WAS HE ANSWERING THAT HONESTLY he interrupted himself and rushed in with a cover-up. "Never mind it doesn't make sense without context, forget it."
Acute disgust. "No! Why would it be--" And then the slow dawning of dismay as he realized maybe it was? He didn't know anything about the person Julien was regaining things from except that he wasn't human. And if this was supposed to be historical fiction like he suspected, about real people...
...But, no. When he'd lapsed into that other self, he'd been puzzled at being called Julien. So it probably wasn't him.
"...At least, I hope it isn't," he finished, somewhat resigned.
He leaned against the armrest, still holding the book out of Alex's reach, but more relaxed about it now. He'd realized that if Alex wasn't teasing him about the content yet, then either he didn't care or he hadn't realized what he'd read, and either outcome was acceptable. "It is like Romeo and Juliet, but there is a war, and they are from two cities on opposite sides of the war. But one city is on an island in the sky and nobody can get in without a key. Roksana is from that city, and she gives Julian a key so he can sneak in to see her, but apparently," accusing glance down at Alex, "Tabea steals it from him."
Today Julien manned the reception desk. It was pretty quiet so far; there'd been a few people in with various illnesses, one with a terrible hangover, and the last had gone over half an hour ago. He'd shoveled what needed shoveling already, trying not to let on that he scanned constantly for strangers, and done his other tasks. Someone else could stock alone in the quiet. He had some friends among the local prostitutes, but on days as cold as this they had no fresh concerns and better things to on New Years' Day than trek through the snow to see him, he hoped; only Ruby had come by and that had been quite a while back. Now, there was downtime.
Some of this kind of time, Julien passed by practicing Elvish. Now, an earbud in one ear, he sang a choral piece for the challenge of fitting his voice around it; splitting the output of each lung so he could sing two different things at once, altering that output so each sounded like a synchronized group, trying to time the second between inhale and exhale so there wasn't a jarring stop - he could sing while inhaling, too. And of course getting it all together, and watching the door.
As he sang it, the music was pure but not as rich, and didn't sound quite like the real thing, even when he jammed his chest against the desk so the surface resonated along with him. But he'd been working on it. Somehow he kept it from filling the clinic; from a little down the hall it just sounded like he had a radio on.
"As I surrender into sleep..."
His eyes were half-closed, his inner eyelids covering what was left. Julien sang the climax with his head tilted back, his throat trembling but his mouth open and unmoving, rocking very slightly against the desk with each deep, deep breath. In his too-thin skin there was still dark visible under his eyes, but while he concentrated on the song, the recent little lines were smoothed from his face.
Indeed, to Ravindra just down the hall, it did sound like Julien had a radio on at the front desk. And he found it irritating.
Musical tastes aside (Ravi was a reggae fan), he felt a clinical setting was best served by ambient silence, so that everyone could hear everything they needed to hear without distraction. He gave it a few minutes, hoping Julien would get the hint (from what?) and turn it off himself. But the longer it went, the more irritated he got, until he finally hit the 'do something about it' breaking point.
He stalked over to the front desk, intent on turning off the radio without ever saying a word to Julien and then walking back out, but--
But it was not a radio. He stopped cold when he saw Julien singing, almost reeling back at the shock of the reveal. He stared for a moment, caught off-guard, his irritation sent into disarray like a flock of birds shaken out of a tree and into flight. It settled again as a mix of astonishment and wariness, with a hint of fear of the unknown thrown in for good measure. That kind of sound coming from a human mouth was wrong, and though amazing, also unsettling.
"Julien," he said finally, in the firm tone of a schoolteacher snapping a student out of reverie. But he hadn't yet found the words for his admonition, so it was left at that.
His peripheral vision was perfect, but Ravi hadn't quite been in it; Julien startled slightly. The spell collapsed as the song was winding down, dying off rapidly as if in unison many singers faltered. He kept his palms on the desk, arms stretched out and taking up space, but half turned and smiled brightly, picking up on some element of displeasure and continuing as if he hadn't.
Two choirs prepared to speak - and he caught himself, blinked, and reset his voice. One lung providing these harmonics, the other lung providing these, combining to one voice, thin in comparison. For a couple seconds it was perhaps more evident than usual that speech was a collection of sounds in sequence, that he could sound very close to normal but this wasn't quite it.
There was something just slightly off about Julien's voice when he answered, and Ravi stiffened, an involuntary reaction to put himself on-guard against something alien and unfamiliar.
He didn't take the time to think through a full and proper answer, and ended up saying only, "The singing."
A delay, as the gears in his head locked back together and resumed turning, and his anxiety kicked in on top of being unnerved and overrode it. Adherence to social convention forced him to hurry to couch that in more polite terms. "Ah--I mean--for the clinic, it's too much."
Another blink, his inner eyelids moving just a little faster than the outer pair.
"Oh! Oh, sorry!" He smiled sheepishly, hoping to defuse... anything that was thinking about fusing. "Guess I was loud? I didn't think I was too much, but, perspective. Usually if I sing it's in the back. And not so... not Whitacre."
Now Julien smoothed back his soft not-hair, chagrined. "I'll keep it in mind, though, thank you. I know, I know, it's not very professional, even when nothing much is happening."
He tried very hard not to react to the double-eyelidded blinking, but a shiver went down his spine anyway. Julien was still human, he reminded himself, but sometimes it became hard to ignore the alien qualities he was gaining.
"Right." It's annoying, he was thinking, but kept from saying. He was trying to be as polite as possible here. "I think it is disruptive in a clinic, to have music." Which, he hoped, served as a passive request for Julien to keep it to himself, at least while Ravi was on shift. asking outright what's that
Perversely, Julien had come to enjoy a little dismay - it was that or become disturbed and saddened, and satisfaction was sparse enough as it was. He was quite attached to Aaron but sometimes the way the older man just noted and accepted every new change made Julien want to shake him and cry don't you understand, I don't want this!
"I can be quieter. And, usually I am." Julien didn't sing every time he came in, or even every time there weren't people about. Mostly it happened in the mornings. His head tipped to the side. "Has it bothered you before?"
Oh no, a trap question. Answering no was dishonest but answering yes raised the question of why he'd never spoken up before. He couldn't win!
There was a brief moment of blankness in his eyes as his mind raced for an answer that worked without making him look bad. What he finally settled on was a half-honest, "I never noticed it before."
He had, and it had irritated him, but it was also quiet and short-lived enough that he hadn't felt the need to speak up about it before.
Julien was good at reading people these days. He took pity on Ravi.
He'd been standing with his feet pointed towards the door under the desk and half twisted around. Now he turned the rest of the way to lean casually against the desk, winced, adjusted so he wasn't putting weight on that gland near the small of his back, and nodded. "All right, I'll try and check it. Thanks for telling me." And a good-natured shrug. "Sorry about all that - honestly, I didn't know."
There was a faint shift in his expression at the wince and posture adjustment, nothing more than a slight furrow of his eyebrows to hint toward concern. But he didn't ask. Things felt awkward enough already that he didn't really want to drag it out or make it worse.
"It's fine." It wasn't actually fine or else he wouldn't have said anything... "Thank you." And that didn't feel right, but he honestly didn't know what else to say.
He hesitated for a moment in awkward silence, as he debated what the next step in this interaction was supposed to be. He was awful at this sort of thing, unfortunately, and literally anything he thought of felt equally awkward.
Oh, the polite lubricative lies that came from trying to coexist in a workplace, Julien thought, cynical. He smiled with liking in his eyes and, taking pity again, changed the subject.
"So. You read anything good recently? I just got through a Tepper book and I brought another, but it's like... I'm starting to suspect the misogynist villains thing is a thing with her, and it's kind of hard to stomach."
THANK YOU JULIEN, for taking control of the situation and preventing him from having to awkwardly shuffle away in defeat. He latched on to the new conversation, grateful for the lifeline.
"Ah--not good, exactly, but--interesting. I got a novel from a pulse recently. I can't tell if it is supposed to be fantasy or historical fiction." And...the male lead's name was Julian... Oh, that was an uncomfortable comparison to realize while standing right in front of Julien. That discomfort flickered across his face, but was quickly schooled away, lest he be asked to explain it.
Sometimes Julien felt a little bad for liking to talk to Ravi and see him squirm over this and that - for Julien, acute awkwardness happened to other people. He consoled himself by making sure not to deliberately provoke that kind of thing or chase too hard when it came up.
"Cool! I've got a locker full of stuff like these guys, but I can only sort of read Japanese," he said, reaching into a pocket to pull out a little bag held closed with a pink ribbon. Hearts were printed on the bag in colors that barely showed against the background, to human eyes. There was also a little card, like on gift bags, with the insides covered in tiny neat katakana, mostly. "This one actually has 'I like you' in English. Want some? It's chocolate-covered coffee beans."
And because he couldn't just totally avoid something for his companion's comfort, Julien tilted his head innocently and asked, "So, what's your book about?"
Ravi did appreciate that Julien didn't usually call attention to any of his anxiety-born strangeness. Though he was certain it got noticed and judged, as long as nobody said anything he could reassure himself that their judgment wasn't worth worrying about.
He leaned forward to squint at the bag, barely able to make out the hearts on it. oh no it was cute "Ah--" He straightened at the question, hesitated. HE DID because that sounded delicious, but he didn't want to seem greedy, but Julien wouldn't ask if he wasn't sincere, but--ugh. Either he would say no and regret missing out, or say yes and feel like he shouldn't have.
"Later, maybe." COMPROMISE??? He felt better about that answer than either of the other options, so that was something. Still couldn't help feeling like it wasn't the right one, though.
What was the book about, wow, how much did he not want to explain that? He folded his arms, leaning against the wall beside him. "Ah... Basically it is Romeo and Juliet with a war between two cities instead of two families, and none of the characters are human. The male lead is named Julian." Was he going to regret that? He was probably going to regret that. Please don't ask what the character was like, he was not going to be able to answer that question.
"Cool! I hope his fate's better than Romeo's. When I was a little kid someone told me I was named for Julius Ceasar, and then told me what happened to him. I was so mad." He shook his head, grinning. "We guys with that name are clearly cursed."
Julien fished out a bean and popped it into his mouth. Then winked, and without using his mouth, said, "If I ate all of them I'd get amazingly fat, so you'd better help me out sometime."
That got a laugh out of him. Small, but genuine and not just polite. It was an easy sentiment to understand. "I will let you know if he dies," Ravi assured him. And thank goodness that was all he wanted to know, because Ravi wasn't willing to admit to much else of the book's content.
That genuine amusement turned a bit stiff, however, when Julien spoke without using his mouth. Ventriloquism was...a thing, sure. But Ravi was pretty sure Julien was not a very skilled hobby ventriloquist. "Ah--right," he said, a bit distant, a bit distracted.
Hadn't Julien insisted upon always being considered human, no matter how inhuman his Echoes might make him? Ravi found it strange that he kept doing such obviously inhuman things. But he was the kind of person who hated calling attention to anything he wanted people to ignore.
Julien's reasons were complicated - well, no, not really; he was afraid of the end result but had become used to, sometimes appreciative of, some of the changes. It was that or go around hating himself. And sometimes he was tired of having to hide them, or forgot, or he wanted people to be aware. As if, somehow, showing or talking about these things would make whatever was to come less horrible.
"And if it's a cool death," he insisted blithely. "I'll say this for old Julius, it's a memorable way to go."
[It's hard to stay calm, even after he reaches the hospital and John is released into the Clinic staff's care. It should be fine, he knows that logically. All sorts of terrible pulse-related things have happened to people on the network and they've always been fine. Shiro survived puking up his stomach and bleeding out all his original blood. Julien survived his lungs shrinking. Chris was turning into a robot. It would be fine.
Everything will be fine.
...Except for how he can't help but thinking about the day his wife died suddenly while he was at work, and the paranoia that it isn't pulse-related runs unchecked. He paces so vigorously that one of the volunteers actually stops to ask him if he's okay, which of course immediately has him stopping and trying to bottle all that nervous restlessness up so no one else sees it.
The end result of that being Kotetsu hunched forward on one of the benches, hands clutching at the edge so tightly that the knuckles have gone white, not really noticing anything or anyone around him.]
[Ravi isn't one of the ones involved in treating John, but he's still on stand-by until they can confirm the patient is stable and it's not likely to become an all-hands-on-deck situation. once it seems clear, he's heading outside. he needs a smoke break.]
[on his way through the waiting room, he notices Kotetsu. It's impossible not to. Ravi knows what barely contained panic looks like.]
[he hesitates for a second, then changes course and comes over to sit beside him.]
How are you feeling? [soft, private. he's checking up, giving Kotetsu the opportunity to talk without forcing it.]
[Kotetsu all but jumps out of his skin when Ravi sits beside him and talks, giving his friend a very distinctly deer-in-headlights look before it properly registers who’s speaking to him.
And then the content of his words goes completely ignored in favor of:]
[Even though they don't know exactly what happened or why, hearing that he's sttable makes Kotetsu so relieved he feels like he could just pass the fuck out right now. His expressions loosens and sort of hangs there like a rubber band that's been stretched out too far--and then he realizes he's not exactly alone at this moment. Sheepishly:]
...I probably look ridiculous, huh. I barely even know the guy.
[he cocks his head toward Kotetsu, a slight upturn at the corner of his mouth, a certain tilt to his eyebrows. it's a sympathetic sort of expression, but not quite a smile.]
It's not ridiculous to be the kind of person who worries about others.
[Kotetsu leans back in the bench, finally uncoiling himself, and he can't help but smirk a little at the impression of the bench edge in his hand before letting out a long breath that shakes a little toward the end. He's grateful to Ravi for the news, but he's not sure he can do this right now. He knows he all but lost it, and he knows that was out of the norm for him in terms of crisis situations, but he doesn't know if he can bring himself to explain. Ravi might be one of exactly two people he's remotely willing to talk to about it, but it doesn't alter the fact that it's still a very raw wound for him.
There's kind of an awful-sounding laugh at the attempt at reassurance, which only makes him frown harder. The way this is going, he's going to drive himself into a corner where he has to explain, isn't he?]
You don't have to try to tell me I didn't panic like a moron. I know I pretty much lost it.
[He didn't react this way when he was helping Julien, months ago. But lungs were different. They were an emergency, but they weren't personal.]
[He knows where the laugh is coming from, but it still hits him in a negative place on a very visceral level. His expression twists with a slight hint of defiance, but he keeps it under control for the most part. Kotetsu is not mocking him, he is overwhelmed and has no outlets. Everything is not a jab; he does not need to take it personally.]
[he straightens, his eyes drifting thoughtfully to the other side of the room. There's something deeper here that's bugging Kotetsu, but he can't guess at it, and feels like asking directly would be too rude.]
Trust me, I have seen people panic like morons. That was not it.
[There's a quiet sigh, and part of Kotetsu wants to argue that because he's embarrassed about how he's reacting, but making it a bigger thing than it needs to be will just make everything worse.]
If you say so.
[There's...not a lot of conviction behind that statement. It's more the sort of thing someone says when they don't have anything further to say on a topic and just want to drop it.
God, he needs a drink, but he doesn't want to leave in case John needs a ride later. He rubs at his face with a hand, as if that will make him start reacting more properly like a human being (in his opinion).]
Sorry. [A nonspecific apology, really--more a signal of 'I know I'm not myself right now and I'm sorry you have to deal with it' than for anything he's said in particular.]
If, uh, if you wanna...go, you can. I'm fine, really.
[yeah, he knows what that sort of thing sounds like, you're not fooling anyone, Kotetsu.]
[but Ravi is not the type to press in this kind of situation. He can tell Kotetsu doesn't want to talk about it, and for some people that's just how they need to deal with these things.]
[he shifts to stand] Alright. [it's obvious Ravi doesn't actually believe him, and that he took 'you can go' to mean 'i need some time to myself.']
If you need to talk, I am here until the clinic closes. [and with that, he continues his path to the front door to take that smoke break. whether or not Kotetsu takes him up on the offer is up to him, but it's there.]
[The 'you can go' had been intended more as a 'don't feel obligated to deal with this mess', but he's honestly somewhat relieved when Ravi gets up to leave. Mostly because his friend not being there means he doesn't have to worry about trying to hold himself together. Kotetsu gives a weak grin at the offer before his friend goes.]
...Thanks.
[And while he's not ready to take him up on that offer...he really does appreciate it, and when Ravi checks his mailbox tomorrow, he may find someone's anonymously left a small package of knick-knacks and food items Kotetsu's known him to enjoy.]
Edited (bah said offer twice in one sentence) 2014-01-29 10:03 (UTC)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
12/24 morning; Ravi & Alex
Bold black lettering stood out against the yellowed cover, spelling out both title and author in the rounded swirling characters of Threan's written language. Julian and Roksana, by Adrian Maxwell.
Ravindra didn't notice it there. He entered the apartment, took off his shoes and hung up his coat by the door, and was immediately distracted by Olivia's aggressive plea for attention. Which is to say that he couldn't move without tripping over her, so he gave up trying and crouched to pet her instead.
no subject
The last two were courtesy the latest memory he'd Echoed back. It was the girl that haunted him the most. Laurel. He'd hypnotized her, then thanked her, and then he drained her. She'd stood peacefully until she'd begun to die. Then she had thrashed.
And he had kept his teeth in her throughout.
Disgust, fear, unease, and dread. He cycled through the four ever since obtaining that memory. Would he someday be capable of the same? Oh, but he understood why that him sought death -- didn't understand why he went about it the way he did, was repulsed by it, really, but he understood, or thought he did.
Such thoughts made for terrible company. When Alex saw the aged book on the coffee table, he was quick to turn its pages for a distraction. He was mildly surprised to find it written in the language Ravi had Echoed back, recognized as such only because Ravi was slowly teaching it to him as another means to keep busy.
Most of it, he didn't understand. When Ravi returned, Alex was flipping to one of the pages without a corner, scanning the lines for a word he might recognize. He paused to greet him, then returned to task. Slow, stilted, and effectively oblivious, he read aloud, "Julian, displaying his tactical genius, infiltrated his beautiful arrow into Tabea's parted honey pot. But it was Tabea who had outwitted him, for her heavenly nectar ensnared him in her stickily sweet trap. The key was hers."
no subject
But Tabea was not a name out of that book. Ravi's head snapped up. He saw the cover and a growing look of horror spread over his face as Alex kept reading.
He abandoned the cat, nearly tripping over her as he rushed to the couch to snatch the book out of Alex's hands. "Where did you get this?" he demanded, one hand on the armrest, the other holding the book up by his shoulder, out of Alex's reach.
And then that last line's meaning sank in and embarrassed outrage turned to indignant outrage. "Oh my god--did you just spoil it, too?!"
no subject
"Did I?"
no subject
...And then the uncomfortable realization that he was getting upset over spoilers in a romance novel from which Alex had just read aloud a sex scene. Sure, Alex probably had no idea what he was saying, but that thought was not present at the forefront of Ravi's mind at the moment.
He pulled back, holding the book against his chest like he was trying to conceal its existence. "What were you doing in my room?" Also accusatory, but this time with an edge of discomfort to it, hinting that this was something he hadn't wanted anyone to find.
no subject
"It was in the kitchen," he said, a tinge of humored dubiety in his voice.
no subject
He definitely hadn't left it in the kitchen. Not a risk he was willing to take.
no subject
Not after the shitstorm of making that mistake during their first year as roommates. He'd broken that rule only once since, when he'd tried to convince Ravi of his vampirism by hypnotizing Adhirat, because he'd been too determined to make Ravi see the light (and also pissed) to honor it.
no subject
"What, are you going to tell me Adhi dragged it into the kitchen for you to find?"
no subject
no subject
Not actually an effective cover-up...
no subject
no subject
...But, no. When he'd lapsed into that other self, he'd been puzzled at being called Julien. So it probably wasn't him.
"...At least, I hope it isn't," he finished, somewhat resigned.
He leaned against the armrest, still holding the book out of Alex's reach, but more relaxed about it now. He'd realized that if Alex wasn't teasing him about the content yet, then either he didn't care or he hadn't realized what he'd read, and either outcome was acceptable. "It is like Romeo and Juliet, but there is a war, and they are from two cities on opposite sides of the war. But one city is on an island in the sky and nobody can get in without a key. Roksana is from that city, and she gives Julian a key so he can sneak in to see her, but apparently," accusing glance down at Alex, "Tabea steals it from him."
no subject
1/1
Some of this kind of time, Julien passed by practicing Elvish. Now, an earbud in one ear, he sang a choral piece for the challenge of fitting his voice around it; splitting the output of each lung so he could sing two different things at once, altering that output so each sounded like a synchronized group, trying to time the second between inhale and exhale so there wasn't a jarring stop - he could sing while inhaling, too. And of course getting it all together, and watching the door.
As he sang it, the music was pure but not as rich, and didn't sound quite like the real thing, even when he jammed his chest against the desk so the surface resonated along with him. But he'd been working on it. Somehow he kept it from filling the clinic; from a little down the hall it just sounded like he had a radio on.
"As I surrender into sleep..."
His eyes were half-closed, his inner eyelids covering what was left. Julien sang the climax with his head tilted back, his throat trembling but his mouth open and unmoving, rocking very slightly against the desk with each deep, deep breath. In his too-thin skin there was still dark visible under his eyes, but while he concentrated on the song, the recent little lines were smoothed from his face.
no subject
Musical tastes aside (Ravi was a reggae fan), he felt a clinical setting was best served by ambient silence, so that everyone could hear everything they needed to hear without distraction. He gave it a few minutes, hoping Julien would get the hint (from what?) and turn it off himself. But the longer it went, the more irritated he got, until he finally hit the 'do something about it' breaking point.
He stalked over to the front desk, intent on turning off the radio without ever saying a word to Julien and then walking back out, but--
But it was not a radio. He stopped cold when he saw Julien singing, almost reeling back at the shock of the reveal. He stared for a moment, caught off-guard, his irritation sent into disarray like a flock of birds shaken out of a tree and into flight. It settled again as a mix of astonishment and wariness, with a hint of fear of the unknown thrown in for good measure. That kind of sound coming from a human mouth was wrong, and though amazing, also unsettling.
"Julien," he said finally, in the firm tone of a schoolteacher snapping a student out of reverie. But he hadn't yet found the words for his admonition, so it was left at that.
no subject
Two choirs prepared to speak - and he caught himself, blinked, and reset his voice. One lung providing these harmonics, the other lung providing these, combining to one voice, thin in comparison. For a couple seconds it was perhaps more evident than usual that speech was a collection of sounds in sequence, that he could sound very close to normal but this wasn't quite it.
"Ravi! Hey, happy New Year! Is there a problem?"
no subject
He didn't take the time to think through a full and proper answer, and ended up saying only, "The singing."
A delay, as the gears in his head locked back together and resumed turning, and his anxiety kicked in on top of being unnerved and overrode it. Adherence to social convention forced him to hurry to couch that in more polite terms. "Ah--I mean--for the clinic, it's too much."
no subject
"Oh! Oh, sorry!" He smiled sheepishly, hoping to defuse... anything that was thinking about fusing. "Guess I was loud? I didn't think I was too much, but, perspective. Usually if I sing it's in the back. And not so... not Whitacre."
Now Julien smoothed back his soft not-hair, chagrined. "I'll keep it in mind, though, thank you. I know, I know, it's not very professional, even when nothing much is happening."
no subject
"Right." It's annoying, he was thinking, but kept from saying. He was trying to be as polite as possible here. "I think it is disruptive in a clinic, to have music." Which, he hoped, served as a passive request for Julien to keep it to himself, at least while Ravi was on shift.
asking outright what's thatno subject
"I can be quieter. And, usually I am." Julien didn't sing every time he came in, or even every time there weren't people about. Mostly it happened in the mornings. His head tipped to the side. "Has it bothered you before?"
no subject
There was a brief moment of blankness in his eyes as his mind raced for an answer that worked without making him look bad. What he finally settled on was a half-honest, "I never noticed it before."
He had, and it had irritated him, but it was also quiet and short-lived enough that he hadn't felt the need to speak up about it before.
no subject
He'd been standing with his feet pointed towards the door under the desk and half twisted around. Now he turned the rest of the way to lean casually against the desk, winced, adjusted so he wasn't putting weight on that gland near the small of his back, and nodded. "All right, I'll try and check it. Thanks for telling me." And a good-natured shrug. "Sorry about all that - honestly, I didn't know."
no subject
"It's fine." It wasn't actually fine or else he wouldn't have said anything... "Thank you." And that didn't feel right, but he honestly didn't know what else to say.
He hesitated for a moment in awkward silence, as he debated what the next step in this interaction was supposed to be. He was awful at this sort of thing, unfortunately, and literally anything he thought of felt equally awkward.
no subject
"So. You read anything good recently? I just got through a Tepper book and I brought another, but it's like... I'm starting to suspect the misogynist villains thing is a thing with her, and it's kind of hard to stomach."
no subject
"Ah--not good, exactly, but--interesting. I got a novel from a pulse recently. I can't tell if it is supposed to be fantasy or historical fiction." And...the male lead's name was Julian... Oh, that was an uncomfortable comparison to realize while standing right in front of Julien. That discomfort flickered across his face, but was quickly schooled away, lest he be asked to explain it.
no subject
"Cool! I've got a locker full of stuff like these guys, but I can only sort of read Japanese," he said, reaching into a pocket to pull out a little bag held closed with a pink ribbon. Hearts were printed on the bag in colors that barely showed against the background, to human eyes. There was also a little card, like on gift bags, with the insides covered in tiny neat katakana, mostly. "This one actually has 'I like you' in English. Want some? It's chocolate-covered coffee beans."
And because he couldn't just totally avoid something for his companion's comfort, Julien tilted his head innocently and asked, "So, what's your book about?"
no subject
He leaned forward to squint at the bag, barely able to make out the hearts on it.
oh no it was cute"Ah--" He straightened at the question, hesitated. HE DID because that sounded delicious, but he didn't want to seem greedy, but Julien wouldn't ask if he wasn't sincere, but--ugh. Either he would say no and regret missing out, or say yes and feel like he shouldn't have."Later, maybe." COMPROMISE??? He felt better about that answer than either of the other options, so that was something. Still couldn't help feeling like it wasn't the right one, though.
What was the book about, wow, how much did he not want to explain that? He folded his arms, leaning against the wall beside him. "Ah... Basically it is Romeo and Juliet with a war between two cities instead of two families, and none of the characters are human. The male lead is named Julian." Was he going to regret that? He was probably going to regret that. Please don't ask what the character was like, he was not going to be able to answer that question.
no subject
Julien fished out a bean and popped it into his mouth. Then winked, and without using his mouth, said, "If I ate all of them I'd get amazingly fat, so you'd better help me out sometime."
no subject
That genuine amusement turned a bit stiff, however, when Julien spoke without using his mouth. Ventriloquism was...a thing, sure. But Ravi was pretty sure Julien was not a very skilled hobby ventriloquist. "Ah--right," he said, a bit distant, a bit distracted.
Hadn't Julien insisted upon always being considered human, no matter how inhuman his Echoes might make him? Ravi found it strange that he kept doing such obviously inhuman things. But he was the kind of person who hated calling attention to anything he wanted people to ignore.
no subject
"And if it's a cool death," he insisted blithely. "I'll say this for old Julius, it's a memorable way to go."
Jan 1, just after John is seen to
Everything will be fine.
...Except for how he can't help but thinking about the day his wife died suddenly while he was at work, and the paranoia that it isn't pulse-related runs unchecked. He paces so vigorously that one of the volunteers actually stops to ask him if he's okay, which of course immediately has him stopping and trying to bottle all that nervous restlessness up so no one else sees it.
The end result of that being Kotetsu hunched forward on one of the benches, hands clutching at the edge so tightly that the knuckles have gone white, not really noticing anything or anyone around him.]
no subject
[on his way through the waiting room, he notices Kotetsu. It's impossible not to. Ravi knows what barely contained panic looks like.]
[he hesitates for a second, then changes course and comes over to sit beside him.]
How are you feeling? [soft, private. he's checking up, giving Kotetsu the opportunity to talk without forcing it.]
no subject
And then the content of his words goes completely ignored in favor of:]
--Is he okay???
no subject
For now he seems stable. The doctor says it does not look like a heart attack, but wasn't sure what it might be instead.
no subject
...I probably look ridiculous, huh. I barely even know the guy.
no subject
It's not ridiculous to be the kind of person who worries about others.
no subject
There's kind of an awful-sounding laugh at the attempt at reassurance, which only makes him frown harder. The way this is going, he's going to drive himself into a corner where he has to explain, isn't he?]
You don't have to try to tell me I didn't panic like a moron. I know I pretty much lost it.
[He didn't react this way when he was helping Julien, months ago. But lungs were different. They were an emergency, but they weren't personal.]
no subject
[he straightens, his eyes drifting thoughtfully to the other side of the room. There's something deeper here that's bugging Kotetsu, but he can't guess at it, and feels like asking directly would be too rude.]
Trust me, I have seen people panic like morons. That was not it.
no subject
If you say so.
[There's...not a lot of conviction behind that statement. It's more the sort of thing someone says when they don't have anything further to say on a topic and just want to drop it.
God, he needs a drink, but he doesn't want to leave in case John needs a ride later. He rubs at his face with a hand, as if that will make him start reacting more properly like a human being (in his opinion).]
Sorry. [A nonspecific apology, really--more a signal of 'I know I'm not myself right now and I'm sorry you have to deal with it' than for anything he's said in particular.]
If, uh, if you wanna...go, you can. I'm fine, really.
no subject
[but Ravi is not the type to press in this kind of situation. He can tell Kotetsu doesn't want to talk about it, and for some people that's just how they need to deal with these things.]
[he shifts to stand] Alright. [it's obvious Ravi doesn't actually believe him, and that he took 'you can go' to mean 'i need some time to myself.']
If you need to talk, I am here until the clinic closes. [and with that, he continues his path to the front door to take that smoke break. whether or not Kotetsu takes him up on the offer is up to him, but it's there.]
no subject
...Thanks.
[And while he's not ready to take him up on that offer...he really does appreciate it, and when Ravi checks his mailbox tomorrow, he may find someone's anonymously left a small package of knick-knacks and food items Kotetsu's known him to enjoy.]