savetheearth | 001 Log [Closed]

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001 Log [Closed]

Who: Souji and Toshi
What: Souji and Toshi talk. Souji might be going a little insane. Typical day in the life.
Where: Work??
When: idk
Warning: Souji.

[It's another of those early mornings that Souji hates so much--he could be in bed, peacefully dreaming of super models in skimpy clothes feeding him grapes or something. But no, here he is, up too early for his own standards and feelings... surprisingly okay about it.

He checked his phone, the messages from Casval and smirked at the comforting knowledge that it had happened. As alarmed as he'd been to actually hear back, everything had turned out better than expected, right? It was like a roller coaster that had gone over that first big hill, rattling down into a dark tunnel; Souji had no idea what would happen in the tunnel, or after he came out the other side, but that was the thrill of it. He had some kind of purpose, he was part of something even if he didn't quite understand what that "something" was.

A more cautious man probably would have asked about that. A cautious man would have wanted to see where this would be going before agreeing to be loyal to a man who had threatened to kill him not very long ago.

Souji was not a cautious man.

He swings by the local cafe to grab a coffee for his boss (made the way he knows he likes it) and a box of cream-filled donuts. They were having a sale, how could he resist his sweet tooth begging like that?

He had donuts. Someone not obligated to do so had paid attention to him. Today was a good day, even if he had to go to work.

In fact, he whistled a little tune as he shoved the door open with his hip and searched for his boss]

Oyy, Toshi! I'm here! And I'm not even late! I deserve a raise for that.

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[ When Souji first steps into the office, Toshi has a cigarette tucked between his lips and a lighter in his hand. The cigarette isn't lit. He's just been staring at the hand holding his lighter.

It takes him a moment to even realize that Souji is there, looking up jerkily at the sound of Souji's voice like a deer caught in headlights.

Oh.

It's just... Souji. Toshi tucks the loose cigarette and lighter back in his pocket, giving up on that for now. ]

...you look cheerful today. Did someone die?

[ Trying to at least feign some sense of normalcy, Toshi quips this dryly as he moves to look at today's schedule. He sees that Souji's brought him coffee, but he can't imagine why. Usually Souji only does that after they've had some kind of yelling match and stormed off to their respective homes without saying goodnight. ]

Not yet! [He laughs and holds the coffee out to Toshi with a grin]

Can't I be in a good mood without natural disasters happening? [He sets the donuts down on the nearest flat surface and stifles a yawn] You're the one who looks like someone died recently.

[When does Souji ever let anything like certain trauma get him down?]

Not usually, no.

[ Toshi rolls his eyes a little at that, feeling somewhat uncomfortably flushed with gratitude at the tenuous sense of normalcy that Souji is lending him in this moment. He takes the coffee and grudgingly takes a sip, never quite sure what to do with the knowing that Souji somehow managed to figure out exactly how he likes his coffee when previously Toshi wasn't even sure how he liked it. Before he'd just get 'coffee, black' and drink whatever they tossed him, but--

Whatever this slightly minty dark roast coffee Souji gets him is fucking delicious, and he always finishes within the first hour of having it in his hands.

Souji's a weirdly thoughtful guy like that. Observant, attentive. When he wants to be, at least. Toshi has to wonder if Souji even recognizes that in himself. The kid's a mess, and Toshi knows it.

But he's still a good kid, beneath it all. ]

And shut up, you don't get to say that to me. So what's got you so happy?

[Souji likes to not acknowledge his good side, and likes when people just let it pass. Being confronted with the knowledge might break his psyche--

Well, no, but it'd make him a little embarrassed. He's vaguely aware of his own self-conscious need to please, especially those that were closest to him. For all the fighting and mocking the two of them go through, he'd be truly devastated by it if Toshi actually meant it. The term "fragile" or "delicate" could never truly be put to the guy, but Souji had a tendency to get his feelings hurt surprisignly easily. "Insecure" would be a better term. Extremely insecure.

Souji hums thoughtfully around a donut though, hand cradled underneath it to catch any wayward cream that might be getting ideas about jumping to freedom.]

Hm? I dunno, can't I just be happy? Maybe I met someone. [He smirks around the donut and swallows hard, regretting not getting himself something to drink.]

Don't fuck with me. I've known you long enough to know you don't just go around 'being happy.'

[ Snarky, sure. Smarmy? Absolutely. But he rarely sees Souji looking practically fucking optimistic about his life. Seeing Souji choking down that donut, he holds out his coffee to Souji in offering. ]

So are you going to tell me or what?

[He takes the coffee with a grateful nod and sips it; it's a little too hot still for is liking, but it allows him to swallow easier and actually speak clearer]

I wasn't lying. [He shrugs, licking cream from his fingers] I met someone. He told me some things. [He makes an 'etc' hand motion] It wasn't much, honestly, but it put me in a good mood.

You're the last person I thought would be complaining about it.

Yeah, well the shit that usually puts you in a good mood also puts most people in jail.

[ If Toshi is giving Souji a pained look right now, it's only because he can't remember the last time his office didn't feel like a severely low-budget porn set thanks to Souji's eating habits and his inability to be resembling socially appropriate, ever. He's been considering hiring a female secretary or something just so it's at least not gay porn o'clock in here all day, every day.

Heaving out a sigh, he reaches up to rub his temples. ]

Who was this guy?

Edited 2013-05-02 17:07 (UTC)

That's where the fun is! [He chuckles again and ignores Toshi's look. It's not as if Souji does things like this on purpose all the time, he just tends to...not think first.]

Is it really important? He's just a guy. I'm not sure what exactly he does, actually, but he's powerful I guess. I might be able to score an internship or something with him while I'm in school.

["Internship." It's the closest equivalent he can think of that'd not sound as creepy as "I met a guy on the internet who said he'd let me do things."]

You're going to work for him, but you don't know what he does...?

[ Toshi is sounding skeptical at the very least, but after a moment of giving Souji that same skeptical, slightly pained expression he just sighs and shakes his head. It doesn't sound all that promising, but he's definitely not about to rain on Souji's parade when this is among the first times he's ever heard Souji speak about the future in any constructive way. He's not petty enough to be pissed off just because someone else got Souji to think about his future seriously before he managed to get through to the kid.

The important thing is that Souji finally realizes there are things he can do with his life.

So he smiles after a moment, reaching out to pat Souji on the shoulder. ]

Good for you. Don't go jumping in all at once, but...

I'm glad you've found something to work towards. You're a smart kid, Souji. A pain in the ass, but still.

Do your best, okay?

I just met him, but he said I had a lot of promise, or something like that. To be honest, he was kind of overbearing, I didn't get a chance to really say anything back or ask question.

[The last thing he was expecting was for Toshi to touch him so casually and it makes him jump a little, turning a bewildered look on him]

You-- What? Who are you and what have you done with the real Toshi? [He smiles weakly, but he's completely unable to hide how pleased his words made him.]

Edited 2013-05-03 04:36 (UTC)

[ That just gets Toshi to roll his eyes at Souji, though his scowl comes off as a little half-hearted at the strangely out of place look of joy on the younger man's face. Toshi supposes Souji wouldn't get a lot of praise between his home situation and the fact that he spends most of his life being a career pain in the ass--

...

But he's a good kid.

Toshi shoves Souji at that, then takes his coffee back to take a drink. ]

Just don't get yourself in over your head. And--

[ He's not really sure about giving Souji more ammo to give him shit, but-- This is more important than all their petty bickering. It's Souji's future. It's the only future they've got between the pair of them standing in this room. ]

...

If things ever don't work out for you, and I'm not saying they won't-- And don't you fucking say they won't, but.

...

You'll always have a job here, okay? Not a great job, but it's yours if you need it.

So don't go running out there thinking you can't come back.

[Souji just laughs at the shove, expecting it, and he mock-stumbles a couple steps before he realizes Toshi is still talking.

The playful expression slips from his face to the bewildered one again. He gets sappy with Hajime once in a while, but he figures that that's inevitable with how long they've known each other. The fact that Toshi is speaking to like this is...strange. Not unpleasant--it makes him blush and his stomach feel light and he grows flustered.]

Wha-- Don't go saying stuff like that so seriously! [He waves his hand as if to wave the words away, rubbing at the back of his neck, staring down at the floor.]

...Thanks. It-- It means a lot. It really does. [He can't remember the last time he'd been honestly welcomed somewhere and told he had somewhere to return to.]

[ Equally unused to sharing moments like this with Souji, Toshi finds himself feeling a bit awkward and almost flustered in return, not quite sure what to make of Souji being so honest with him. Souji isn't someone Toshi is used to seeing with his heart pinned to his sleeve.

But it's-- It's nice. It feels honest, simple. It feels good. It feels like how life should be, instead of nothing but bullshit and survival and putting up fronts. Finally he just nods, managing a smile in Souji's direction. ]

I know you and your sister don't get on well. God knows me and my uncle don't. And I'm probably a pretty shitty substitute for a family, but whatever. I'm here if you need me.

My sister-- [Souji huffs, shoving his hands into his pockets. 'Dont get on well' is putting it lightly. He can remember, vaguely, moments when his sister was nice and he'd loved her and they'd had fun together. But it seems like a very distant memory-- so distant that he can't even be sure it's real. Maybe he'd made up the good times in his head to make it seem like it hadn't been all that bad.]

Shut up, you're more like real family to me then she ever was. Don't sell yourself short. [My his shoes are looking interesting, he's just going to focus on them so he doesn't have to look at Toshi.]

[ That comment gets genuine shock out Toshi as he nearly drops his coffee, eyes going wide. For a few moments he can only really stare, and when he finally snaps out of it he promptly goes a little red in the face. ]

...

Yeah, well.

[ Toshi's first instinct is to make another self-deprecating comment along the lines of how he supposes Souji's family must be a lot shittier than he thought, but that wouldn't help any. So he just sets his coffee down, moves over next to Souji like a goddamned man, and places his hand on Souji's back. ]

I could say the same about you. When it was me and my uncle running shifts together, we barely spoke. So, hey-- Fuck 'em.

Family is bullshit. Maybe it works out okay for some people, but sometimes you're just strangers stuck under the same roof.

Push comes to shove, I've got your back.

Everyone needs some kind of family, but more people have to realize it doesn't have to be the assholes you're born with.

[Souji leans into the touch like he's starved for the physical contact and exhales deeply. He wants to play it off with a 'haha no homo right?' joke but he can't bring himself to do it.

Instead he tilts his head and glances at Toshi with a slight chuckle, trying to keep his voice light] I'm the asshole they got stuck with.

...But, I guess you're right, I... Thanks, Toshi. [He turns towards him, pressing his forehead against his shoulder, his fingers curling into the bottom of Toshi's shirt]

[ All at once, Toshi is scowling. He stares down at where Souji's slumped against him, clinging to him as though for dear life, and he feels a flash of hatred flooding through him for all the people in Souji's life who'd torn him down until this was all that was left of him.

His teeth grind together hard as he just-- He wraps an arm around Souji, pulling the younger man against him as his other hand comes to rest at the back of Souji's head. ]

Don't you fucking say that, Souji. I don't care if you don't believe me; you don't have to believe me for it to be true. You're a good kid. This job is shit and it's hard and it pays like crap, but you show up for it anyway and you don't complain. You start shit with me all the time, but you never let a fight just sit. You figure out what kind of coffee I like before I fucking know it, and you--

If we're going to talk about someone selling themselves short, you don't get to lecture me on that shit until you stop doing it to yourself.

Do you hear me, Souji?

I'd take you over anyone related to me by blood, any fucking day.

So don't you fucking stand there and tell me you're the asshole that your family got landed with.

[He can't remember the last time he was hugged like this. This fierce, strong hug that sheltered him from everything and told him he was protected and warm and safe. He tries to remember his father hugging him, but it's a blur of colors that might be a face and a fading warmth he can't quite hold on to. The memories of his parents have slipped through his fingers like so many grains of sand, until only the barest of memory remains.

He doesn't know what to do with this onslaught of encouraging words. They're angry, but for him, not at him and his shoulders begins to shake as his fingers curl into the material of Toshi's shirt.

Souji likes to think himself above it all. He has a sarcastic comment or a witty comeback for every situation, but right now he just can't bring himself to do it. He thinks he might be crying a little and that's bad enough, but being unable to find the words to express his gratitude, or even the words to form a simple joke is even worse.]

You can't just...say things like that. How am I supposed to respond to that...

[ It takes a second for Toshi to realize that Souji's started to cry, but the moment he does he goes absolutely still. His breath catches in his throat, shoulders going rigid as every muscle tenses at the thought of Souji crying alone.

He doesn't understand. He doesn't fucking understand.

He doesn't know how a kid like Souji ends up like this. Like, yeah maybe he isn't perfect and maybe he spends some of his time being an ass, but he's not fucking hard to understand. He's a brat, but he's also a genuinely good person who cares about the people around him. And Toshi doesn't think he'd be nearly this difficult or defensive if someone, anyone, had reached out to him somewhere down the goddamned line. ]

Shut up.

[ Toshi's voice come out hoarse, and he's doing his level best not to let it crack. He takes in a deep breath, then another, burying his face against Souji's hair as he smooths his hand over the back of Souji's head.

It's bullshit. It's such total bullshit.

And Toshi knows there's not a damn thing he can say to Souji that'll fix this, not really. Not right away. But maybe over time, maybe he could--

Do something. Be that someone.

And maybe if he can get Souji out of this fucked up mindset somehow, it'll be a little bit like doing something for himself. ]

Just... Shut up. It's-- It's going to be okay. The world's fucked up and it's not fair and it's hard as hell, but--

You're not fucking alone, okay?

You're not in this alone.

[ Toshi has lost all count of the number of days that he needed someone to tell him that, but there was no one there at all. ]

[He feels utterly helpless, and for once he doesn't feel threatened by that loss of power. t's embarrassing, sure, because men are supposed to be strong and capable and never ever cry and yet here he is with weak knees and hist fingers twisting Toshi's shirt, sobbing away.

When was the last time he cried? Really, truly cried? Tears of frustration after a hard day, or after a particularly bad one or from school work piling up. But nothing hard in recent memory.

Maybe when his parents died. He doesn't think he's ever cried like this since, because.. Because he'd had to be strong. His sister had her own life and taking care of him was a huge burden on an 18 year old girl. He knows, deep down, his sister sacrificed a lot to take care of him, and as a child he'd been unruly and cruel, lashing out at everything because he was too angry and broken and bitter to think to do otherwise. He'd tried to keep everything, every trouble, every desire, to himself to not cause her any more trouble.

Mitsu might not have been aware of that. Maybe all she'd seen was an angry little boy whose cruelty to others only grew, who, despite all his outstanding grades, didn't study or seem to try, which of course meant he was just lazy, regardless of those good grades. Maybe she thought being harder on him, comparing him to his only friend and the like would help. Souji can honestly believe that Mitsu hadn't meant these things any other way than helpful.

But intention didn't change the end result.

He can't remember the last time someone had told him so earnestly that he was good kid. That he could be someone. It was always sighs and head shaking and "he's gets good grades, but his personality..." or "he could actually be someone one day if he wasn't so...himself!"

He wasn't alone. He'd known that. He'd had Hajime and if there was one thing he was grateful of with this whole mess of returned memories and past lives, it was that this experience meant Hajime wouldn't pull away from him. Somehow they were bound together by fate, and that meant Hajime would never leave him. Because Hajime had a bright future that had no space for a dark blight that was Souji, he'd known that. But now...

Toshi, too, was bound to him by similar threads. He wouldn't leave. He cared for Souji and he wouldn't leave him.

So Souji cries. He cries like his heart is tearing apart, because when it's in pieces, they can start putting it together again]

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001 Log [Closed]

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