savetheearth | 004.

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004.

[ Video post! Skyler leans back in his chair and throws up his thumbs. ]

Guess which asshole's got two thumbs, escaped from the echo jungle, but got dragged back when a dog cat thing started going through his trash?

[ He pauses, staring into the abyss that is the network, then jabs his thumbs at himself. ]

This asshole! Surprise!

[ Skyler leans forward, his brown eyes boring into the camera. HE IS SERIOUS ABOUT THIS POINT. ]

Anyone who wants to update me on anything - DON'T. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T. I started reading back and stopped when I saw the third announcement for a DnD thing - what is with the obsession with DnD, you guys? Aren't we basically living the dream? [ He sighs and flops back in his chair. ] You weird fuckers. Anyway, I'm all caught up. [ he's not, but less fucks have never been given. ] If anyone needs me to punch a hole in something, you know who to call.

Anyway, that wasn't the point of this. The point was the fact that I have a dog. Cat. Wait, let me - [ He suddenly pitches to the side, and when he gets up, he has a weird blue dog cat thing under his arm. ]

I know it looks kind of like a cat, but watch this. [ He looks directly into the cat's face. ] Hey, nugget-breath. Speak.

[ it barks, then makes a vain attempt to nuzzle into his neck. ]

And that's that. [ Skyler shrugs. ] What should I name it? I was thinking John Cena.

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He doesn't really look like him, though.

...Not that I would know, exactly.

*Tessa, you are a failure as a high school mall goth.*

Doesn't look like him, huh... [ Skyler looks back down at John Cena (??? this is a tentative gesture) who tries to lick him on the mouth. Skyler jerks back, his nose crinkling in mild amusement. ] Haha, gross. They both have killer instinct, you know? I was going for personality.

*Tessa tilts her head.* Your dog... er, barking cat has killer instinct?

Doesn't it look like it? [ He pushes John Cena's face towards the screen. John Cena immediately lunges and starts trying to lick the camera. ] See? It's just tasting, but that's just one step away from murder. [ He sits the dogcat on his lap where it looks up at him adoringly. ]

...I suppose it is a... noble pet.

[ Skyler stares into the camera for a second. ]

Uh... you... do know I'm just playing, right?

You never know.

[ skyler laughs. ]

What's with the look? Look, it's fine. See? [ He grabs one of it's tiny paws and waves it towards the camera ] Hellooo.

*hesitates* Yes, it is cute. The other you must have liked interesting animals.

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THE FUCKERS DON'T EVEN PLAY THE RIGHT GODDAMN EDITION

THEY ALL PLAY

[dramatic, horrified pause]

PATHFINDER

THE HEATHENS

[ Skyler raises his eyebrows and blows out his cheeks. ] Whew. Whatever that is, it sounds like the worst bullshit that's ever gone on in nerdland.

Naw, that's probably the whole "which version of Galaxy Quest is better" or "No man the 9th incarnation of Inspector Spacetime was WAY better than the 10th" or whatever

But D&D edition wars is pretty bad.

Especially since 1st Edition was objectively the best.

[ ... He leans over and puts his chin on top of John Cena's head, right next to the little unicorn horn thing. ] Ok. I'll bite. Explain?

[long pause]

Uh

You don't want to know.

and I'm way too lazy to explain.

Thought so. [ it's not like he ACTUALLy wanted to hear about it. gosh. ]

So who are you? Your nerdrage feelin' better yet?

I'm Chris Starsky and I'm the living incarnation of nerdrage. Unfortunately. I try not to be but it keeps happening.

Sounds rough. Ever tried not being a nerd? You know, kind of... [ he gestures with his hands. ] Hit the problem where it hurts?

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It looks like a ball.

A beach ball. A beach ball that can eat chocolate. Do you know if dogs can eat chocolate?

It's not good for them, I know that much but that is clearly not a dog.

Yeah, I thought so. I lost all the network shit through October, but I don't think it disappeared after. I think it was eating Ari's Halloween candy. Weren't you, John Cena? [ John Cena barks happily. ]

You're seriously naming it after a wrestler? What if it's female?

The wrestler that actually acts like a doofy unicorn cat. Or... that's more the Rock, isn't it? [ He shrugs, John Cena (or Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) wiggles happily. ] I dunno what I'd do if it's a girl. I'm awesome at names, but girl's names...

I dunno, all I know is the Rock was in a few movies. If it's a girl, you can always name her Tinkerbell?

Awesome movies.

[ .......... well... unexpectedly, that does trigger... something? His face goes blank for a split second, but quickly smooths back into one of his signature shit eating grins. ]

Weird name. C'mon, does this face look like a Tinkerbell? [ He gestures to Meow Wow's fat face, who doggie smiles as usual. ]

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