savetheearth | text ==> video;

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So I believe I recently made an incredibly unfortun8 error in judgement and declared the pink light pulse to be the worst pulse ever. What with the buzzing and the migraine I got l8r and the assumption that I didn't get shit from it. I thought it was a bust! A stupid dumb lamey-lame loser pulse for chumps.
8ut! As of today, certain things have come to light. I am an incredibly m8ture and modest individual and this is me st8ting publically, for the record, that I was ABSOLUTELY WRONG. 8)

[ At this point, the message switches to Shitty Webcamovision! Particularly observant viewers might spot Octavia's trademark red shoes off in the top-left of the screen. Most people, on the other hand, will probably just notice the HUGE-ASS PILE OF TREASURE SHE'S STANDING ON HOLY SHIT WHAT. ]

Hey, guys.

Check out my sweet booty.

[ With that - and a magnificent shit-eating grin - she literally rolls out of sight of the camera, giggling like a loser. BEST ECHO EVER. ]

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OH MY GOD STOP WOWING. If it's cursed it's. Probably like in Pirates of the Caribbean, right? So I just. Have to keep all the gold in one place and like. Stop pirates stealing it and becoming undead zombie skeleton pirates.

Um.

And that shouldn't be too hard. Probably.

Are you sure?! Because it took the zombie pirates years to get the treasure back. And a lot of murder.

And even if that was in old-timey times, it'd probably take even longer now. And involve some kinda bank caper. Like Ocean's Eleven.

And hopefully not end like Asphalt Jungle.

And besides, Jack Sparrow only beat the evil pirates because he had all that pride. And because he was kinda crazy.

Uh, wow, are you insinuating that I ain't as prideful and crazy-as-fuck as Jack Sparrow? Because just eff why eye I am hells of crazy. Super crazy! Crazy enough to think crazy is a thing worth bragging about.

Okay, so maybe you have the pride thing down? I think you're really good at it.

But Jack was really... really super neat. And inventive. And imaginative!

And he could see solutions with his crazy brain no one else could see.

Well, except the writers.

Except them, yeah. It takes twenty people to be as inventive as Captain Jack.

I can be creative and inventive! I can be like eight Captain Jack Sparrows at once. Only cooler. Like Barbossa. That cool.

[ HUFF. ]

Would an uncreative person think to build tiny cities out of their pile of gold and then destroy them with fake volcano eruptions that are also made of gold? I think not!

...okay, that actually sounds awesome and a lot of fun.

Next I'm going to sculpt a throne and sit in it and proclaim myself Pirate Queen Of The Gold. There might even be a crown and sceptre in here! I should start cataloguing it. While touching it reverently. Yeah.

We have antiques forms you could fill out if you want it!

There's files and stuff to organize too!

I was. I was just going to like. Take selfies with it. And catalogue that way. Uh.

Is that super unprofessional for an expert treaure-hoarder I'm kind of new to this.

Well, uh.

You should probably.

Ask someone else about professionalism.

We've been told we're really bad at it.

By other professionals.

Like our accountant.

And other antiques shop owners.

One time, a homeless guy came inside to tell us how crappy a job we were doing.

He kinda reminded me of my dad.

Except less dead.

But if you did catalogue it, you could show your fancy files to people!

Like "in this room is my list of treasure. Organized by pirate, Aztec, and other."

And then you could open the next room-

"And in this room is my treasure. Not organized, but whatever."

I would be living the fucking dream. Gonna need those files.

We have jewelry repair tools too.

And ways to order trophy cases.

If that helps.

Oh, and... I guess we can appraise jewels too.

Oh. Yeah! I keep forgetting about that.

Okay I think you guys just upgraded yourselves from Weird Couple to Cool Weird Couple. That is absolutely a thing that you just did.

Edited (I are grammar gud) 2013-09-26 14:52 (UTC)

We'renotweird BUT THANK YOU!

We try to be as cool as possible!

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