savetheearth | [video]

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[Alan looks terrible, like he hasn't slept for a couple of days. (That would be because he hasn't.) He's still feeling nervous about bringing up the scorpion encounter and potentially having to mention his weird outburst, but he figures the network should know about it. Might as well do it now, when he's too tired to care much.]

Uh, hey. There was this big purple scorpion...thing running around the other night? It stung people and made them laugh like morons for hours.

[He yawns and rubs at his eyes, then takes a sip of coffee.]

Anyway, it was following Octavia and she led it to my house because for some reason she thought I might have a gun and, uh, we killed it. Together. It was a team effort. Go us.

That's pretty much it, just though you guys might want to hear about it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

We'll find something you're not allergic to, then. So no bees, I guess. Can people be allergic to spiders? I don't think so.

Yes they can, I just googled it.

What about wild cats? Can you be allergic to those?

Uh, I'm not allergic to normal cats, so...I guess not?

Okay, good. We'll get some hungry, angry wild cats and put you in a room with them.

I dunno, this still sounds like a pretty bad idea to me. Am I supposed to just let them claw my eyes out?

If they get too close to killing you, we'll pull you out. We, being me and whoever else wants to run the experiment.

Well...it's risky, but it's not like I can think of any better way to figure this shit out.

Leave all the thinking to me-- I'm the brains of this operation. I'm the brains of every operation. Just gotta figure out where to get some wild cats...

That might be kind of problematic. I'm pretty sure you can't just buy those from a pet shop.

You think we could find any in the park?

If we did, I wouldn't know how to catch them. Still not a literal hunter.

Ugh, this would be easier if you thought to learn some hunting skills. But I bet we can google something-- there have got to be traps we can make, right?

Yeah, there should be something like that somewhere. They can't be too hard to make, either. I mean, if cavemen could do stuff like that, why couldn't we?

Exactly! I bet if we just leave some meat out there, the cats'll come from miles!

I don't really know where to get a lot of meat, but my dog's food says it's made with real meat, so we could try that.

Can't hurt to try, at least.

Do you know if they're nocturnal?

I'm pretty sure most cats are. And it's not like you see them in the park during the day, right?

Yeah, yeah, that's right. Okay, want to meet there tonight? I feel like the sooner we test this out, the better.

Sure. I'd rather get it out of the way sooner rather than later.

Awesome. I'll go buy some dog food. See you tonight.

Yeah, yeah. Now get the fuck out of my post.

Nope.

Leave.

Are you viewing me as a threat right now?

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