[video]

[wirsinddiejager]

[Alan looks terrible, like he hasn't slept for a couple of days. (That would be because he hasn't.) He's still feeling nervous about bringing up the scorpion encounter and potentially having to mention his weird outburst, but he figures the network should know about it. Might as well do it now, when he's too tired to care much.]

Uh, hey. There was this big purple scorpion...thing running around the other night? It stung people and made them laugh like morons for hours.

[He yawns and rubs at his eyes, then takes a sip of coffee.]

Anyway, it was following Octavia and she led it to my house because for some reason she thought I might have a gun and, uh, we killed it. Together. It was a team effort. Go us.

That's pretty much it, just though you guys might want to hear about it.

Comments

text;

[enrages]

I ALREADY HAD ONE BUT I JUST DIDN'T MENTION IT BEFORE BECAUSE I WANTED ANOTHER ONE FOR FREE.

text;

[drama8om8]

THATSFH IS EXPLOITATION! And also deception IF I KNEW YOU HAD A FUCIGNG GUN THEN I COULD HAVE RUN STARGUGHT TO YOU AND I WOULD STILL HAVE A VOICE TO YELL AT YUO WITH FOR HAVING A GODFUCKINGDAMNED GUN.

text;

[enrages]

I'M JUST UTILIZING MY RIGHTS AS AN AMERICAN CITIZEN!!
SO YOU






wait what happened to your voice.

text;

[drama8om8]

I was laughing and sc yelling at people for EIGHT SOLID HOURS, Karson. Because NONE OF MY FRIENDS HAD GUNS FOR KILLING SHIT WITH. It kind of takes a toll. >8|

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[enrages]

I HAVE A GUN.
YOU SHOULD HAVE COME TO ME.

text;

[drama8om8]

YOU PRETENDED YOU DIDN'T HAVE ONE, YOU FUCKING DISEASE!!!!!!!!
Plus me and Alan did just fine WITHOUT guns. We were like impossibly badass. Unlike SOME people who couldn't even take care of a shitty deer! 8)

text;

[enrages]

WILL YOU DROP THE FUCKING DEER THING?

text;

[drama8om8]

NEVER.
I have tasted battle, Karson, and I performed ADMIRABLY AS FUCK. I helped kill the SHIT out of a giant purple scorpion and if Alan hadn't vetoed it I would have pictures and also its tail hung up on my wall like a trophy.

YOU got bullied by bambi. 8|

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[enrages]

I WAS NOT GOING TO MURDER BAMBI.
YOU HAD THE EASY KILL-- EVERYONE WANTS TO KILL BUGS.
EVERYONE WHO ISN'T A PSYCHOPATH DOESN'T WANT TO KILL BAMBI.

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[drama8om8]

It was EVIL Bambi!
You wussed out and I stepped up to the plate and our kill was NOT EASY Alan had to stamp REALLY HARD to 8r8k through that thing ok IT WAS HARD AS FUCK.

text;

[enrages]

how the hell do you "8r8" anything in a badass manner.

text;

[drama8om8]

 

 

 

Typing 8r "break" as "8r8k" is a thing that I do now.

text;

[enrages]

is that your new special power

text;

[drama8om8]

 

 

 

Yes.

text;

[enrages]

that's pretty embarrassing.