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Who: Shou Chinen

ursoreckless & Shuji Kiyokumi

controlsdesire
What: The cousins agreed to talk in a secure location
Where: Shou's apartment
When: This evening (June 6th)

It took him a few days to get back to Shuji. Half the reason was the simple fact that Shou wasn't sure what would happen when they did meet. The run in at the police station had him thinking that something was strange with his cousin, that he had some kind of change in his life. It wasn't the family dynamics - Shou knew that Shuji and his parents were on two different levels. It wasn't their different lifestyles - they both found ways to step from family expectations, although arresting one's father was something Shou didn't have cause for.

No, it was because of the other half of his reasoning - Shuji was acting different. He hinted about finding someone important to him. He had asked about whether anyone was close to him and then acted strange with Shou's answer. That question seemed so odd considering what he remembered of Shuji that Shou had to wonder what was going on. Did Shuji also have a set of numbers or was he searching out those who did?

In the end, Shou just texted his cousin an invite to his apartment, giving him a time and date. He cleared out anything connected to the number club from view, made a tray of tiny snacks from produce he gotten from the local Japanese store and , straighten the slight mess he had made since the cleaning staff had been through. Then he waited.

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The delay didn't matter at all to Shuji, aside from the fact that he caught himself being a little too anxious at times. It was rare for him to open up to anyone and the impending meeting made him more and more unsure about what he was doing the more time that passed without Shou contacting him. At the very least, he felt he could trust the other -- possibly more than Shou trusted him. He'd buried himself in work for the next few days as he had since arriving in the town and would continue to do as long as it took for him to adjust.

Thankfully, he'd easily torn himself away from his work when Shou had called for him. He'd left for the other's apartment as soon as work was over, which seemed to be the regular schedule for anything resembling a social life that he had. Work was the main focus of Shuji's life, as it had always been.

Within the hour, Shuji was standing at the door of Shou's apartment. Even though he had a rather unfriendly personality, he'd messaged the other with plenty of warning to let him know that he was on his way. There was an underlying, paranoid fear that he was somehow walking into a trap. What if the police were keeping tabs on his cousin somehow? What would happen to him? To both of them?

Shuji did his best not to think about it as he rapped his knuckles against the door. It was a much louder knock than one would usually expect, but the only time he ever really knocked on any doors was to question them for something relating to police matters.

He wondered if he was being tracked from time to time. Shou had a rather low view on most police having been in a position to see how some could easily be turned against the very law they were suppose to protect. It didn't help that he was from the higher ends of society and that often gave him a lot more leeway than what was normal. He never tried to use that leeway, but knew it was there and he also knew that he would rather that it disappeared.

Shou had just finished pouring water over loose tea leaves when there was a knock on the door. He set the kettle back onto the stove and took a moment to calm himself. He couldn't afford to look guilty of something - after all, Shuji was a cop and looking guilty in front of him would just cause a lot more problems than what Shou wanted to deal with right now.

Opening the door, he bowed slightly in greeting before waving him inside. The apartment's layout was so very Western, but Shou had still stuck with a few traditional touches like guest slippers and screens to section off parts of the open layout. Most of the furniture also came with the apartment, but he still had a couple pieces shipped from his place in Japan just because of how comfortable they were to him - like his reading couch with the skull motif.

"Thank you for coming over," he said, seeing no reason to stick in talking in English. "I've some tea and a light snack, if you are hungry."

When Shou opened the door, Shuji gave a slight bow in response, taking off his shoes in the entranceway and continuing inside. It had been quite a long time since he'd been over to the other's home in any respect and the first time he'd been to his home over in this country. The familiar look was comforting to him and helped him to relax a bit, which was something he direly needed at the moment. He hesitated just inside the door to give a look around the room, acquainting himself with his surroundings before moving in any further. It was a habit he'd developed over the years to always be aware of what was around him.

"Thanks..." It also helped that Shuji had known Shou for so long. With anyone else, he would have never dreamed about being so relaxed. Shuji knew how intimidating and professional he looked most of the time, but his stance and the way he was speaking was hinting at how much he was trying to pull himself out of that, at least while he was here.

"It feels like it's been a really long time since I've seen you."

"Please, make yourself comfortable," Shou said, nodding towards low couch before fetching the tea.

One of the few things that his mother had managed to impress into him had been making sure that a guest was comfortable, and was offered tea. Even his many flings never left his place without first being offered food and fresh clothing. Pouring tea and setting out some light nibbles helped calm his thoughts down and stop guessing at every little possibility that might occur.

"Ah... I think we last meet after I crashed my bike." He set the tea down before taking a seat and smiling a little at the memory. "I called you up to take me home after I walked out of the ER after refusing any treatment for the burn on my arm or to make sure I didn't have any broken bones."

"I still think you should have stayed." Shuji was always a bit awkward with people and their relationship with authorities, since a lot of them had mild respect but would much rather do things their own way rather than trust the police to help them. In a place like this, he couldn't blame them, but at least back in Japan people weren't quite so much like that. It bothered him. He couldn't keep innocents from getting involved if they were so intent on going against everything the police said.

Taking a seat on the couch, Shuji allowed himself a few moments of vulnerability. He dropped his bag onto the floor, resting his elbows on his knees and running his fingers back through his hair, stopping partway. His eyes closed as he took a few deep breaths, still feeling frustrated over everything that had happened since his arrival in this city. He didn't want to deal with any of it.

"Was there anything else you had to say about that person you keep thinking about?" ... straight to the point as always, but at least he'd waited until he'd sat down.

"I was fine and I was too pissed off to stay there." One of the things he knew about his temper was that the less people around him, the less apologies he would have to make the next day. It didn't matter who was around him either since he always viewed people as being people first, their jobs second.

Shou paused before saying any more, blinking as Shuji just dropped the masks and looked human for a moment of two. He didn't expect to ever see him look so frustrated and normal since Shuji always bottled it up until he was alone. He didn't move to offer any comfort, not too sure what would happen and not wanting his cousin to leave either.

At his next question, Shou had to take a few moments to think about how to answer. He didn't want to sound crazy, but then again, it might be a relief to talk about it.

"I don't know his name. I don't know anything about him," he said softly. "I've never met him before... yet, he is the most important thing in my life."

Yeah, that didn't sound crazy at all.

Having someone else put into words exactly what he'd been feeling since arriving at Locke City was a bit eerie. Shuji knew he'd been making excuses about how maybe his sense of attachment to someone was a delusion caused by loneliness and separation from his family, but hearing Shou's words made him consider that maybe he wasn't so crazy after all. Or maybe they were both crazy.

Shuji lifted his head up, putting one hand in front of his mouth. He continued to stare down at the table, a sign of how uncomfortable he truly was, because he was always the type of person to keep eye contact. "The way you say that... It's exactly the way I've felt for the last few weeks. It's almost like I'm forgetting my best friend, or a lover." He let out another breath. "I might understand if it was just you feeling this way, but for me..."

Shuji knew he didn't have to elaborate on how few emotional attachments he'd had in his life. That was what made him so uncomfortable.

"I remember all the true loves in my life," he said, scrunching his nose at the implication that he would forget someone that important to him. It was true that he fell in and out of love fast, but he remembered them, including the sweet young teacher from grade school.

But that didn't matter, not with Shuji acting so... normal. He usually was the kind of guy who never let his own emotional turmoil show, even though Shou was his close cousin. He never admitted to having a weakness and now that he had, especially about something that was weird considering who was speaking, made Shou think.

He might act dumb, he might seem to not consider thinking that important, but Shou was smart in his own way. It was probably half the reason why his parents were always trying to press him into doing something meaningful. Shou eyed him for a moment and then picked up a piece of fruit and drew his numbers on the clean surface of his table.

"Can you see this?" There were a few new entries on the network, but Shou wasn't paying attention. He was staring straight at Shuji, watching him closely.

"I didn't mean it like that." Shuji practically mirrored the expression, though he wasn't sure how sincere his words were. Shou really did have a number of lovers, which to someone like Shuji, had always seemed like a lot when he didn't have any number of reference for himself. "I meant that you're the emotional one, out of the two of us. I don't have any business feeling like this."

When Shou started writing, Shuji put his arms on his knees and leaned forward to look at the surface of the table. He, of course, wasn't surprised at all to know that his cousin was on the network, since it was the whole reason he knew his cousin was in town to begin with. Despite how someone unrelated to the network might react, Shuji didn't seem to show any reaction, other than scrunching up his face at the fact that Shou had just used a table to access the network.

"What of it?"

"You're human."

True, Shuji was more logical and less inclined towards developing feelings but Shou was pretty sure that Shuji just needed to find the right motivation. Or the right person.

He frowned and erased the number just by smearing the juice with his fingers. The network faded and he just sat back in his seat and tried to not start yelling. That would definitely not be a good thing when trying to talk to Shuji about this.

"I started feeling that way right before I was able to access the Network."

"Being human didn't make any different before." Shuji tried as hard as he could to keep from sounding offended. It was almost as though the mere idea of having emotions and being sympathetic towards anyone was a crazy idea, though he really had kept a hope somewhere of one day encountering someone he could share a strong emotional attachment with -- or something akin to love, even if he would never suggest the word "love" even to himself. That was part of what terrified him about the situation, since the emotion was part of something he wanted, but he had no idea why it was happening. It was as though signals had gotten crossed somehow.

"I'll trust you not to tell anyone about it as long as you trust me not to." That was a half-hearted attempt at admitting he was on the Network, but what he said next was pretty much an outright confession. "I've felt like that since I came to this city, but I've been blaming it on stress."

"No... It would be good if you did have some kind of connection to someone like what you have with me." He was pretty sure that he was the only person Shuji felt comfortable around enough to attempt at being human. Shou knew that it wasn't much since being barely a friend and cousin to him, but it was more than any other relationship Shuji had even with his own parents.

"Who would I tell? Oh, by the way, I'm going to fight hairy monsters and try to save the world from being destroyed?" He suck in his breath and forced himself to calm down. It wasn't going to help to let his emotions overcome his thinking.

"It's not stress though. It seems to be a part of this club. Do you have any clues as to who or what you're looking for?"

At Shou's initial comment about how it would be good to have a connection with someone, Shuji couldn't help but let out an audible breath -- a sign of his displeasure with the comment.

"I don't want anyone involved in this Network to know who I am or what I do. I can't afford to trust anyone, especially not with my position. We don't know if everyone on there is trustworthy or what they're capable of. Some people consider it brave to show their faces. What if someone finds out what I am and then decides to blackmail me?" Shuji kept leaning forward, turning his head to look over at Shou. With how reluctant he was to trust anyone, this sort of viewpoint was to be expected.

There were a few moments of silence while Shuji thought about any sort of connection he could associate with the feeling. "I don't know. It was a few days after I got here. ... I was walking through the park and saw a hawk perched on one of the buildings." At this point, Shuji was nervously twisting his watch around his wrist. "Nothing special happened. It felt like I was being torn apart. ... this desperate desire to find whoever it is I'm looking for."

"You're so paranoid," Shou replied, shaking his head a little. Blackmail? For being in the numbers club? That would be really stupid of someone, especially there were so few members in the club. All they would have to do is check those that suddenly got a lot of money if they tried anything. But this was something he expected from Shuji; his whole life had been one where the closest to him often betrayed him.

"Don't worry; I won't tell anyone."

He let him talk, watching the way he played with his watch and struck yet again by how much this was upsetting him. Shuji never was nervous enough to show it, not even to him.

"Maybe the hawk was a symbol to a part of the person. Maybe that's why seeing it woke up these feelings for you. If that's the case, you won't be able to find an answer until you find the rest of the puzzle. It's like my song. I know there's a second voice. I know that it matches mine better than any voice I've heard but I don't have the puzzle pieces to match."

"It's not paranoia if it's valid. It's called being cautious." Shuji really didn't understand how everyone in this group could be so open and willing to share their feelings and problems. Wasn't anyone considering the negative consequences of their actions? Everyone Shuji had spoken to who had anything to do with the Network just easily brushed off the possibility of anything negative until it was too late. He doubted that would stop any time soon.

"It's no one I know. I can't remember someone I don't know." None of this really made any sense to him.

"We will need the others sooner or later, Shuji. This isn't going to go away." Shou was the last person to try to install any sense of caution into. He had always been the first one in their peer group to try the ridiculous and the dangerous. That sense of recklessness had carried into being an adult, often times being one of the reasons why he was on first name terms with most of the medical staff in Tokyo.

"No one you know right now," Shou said. "These are more than just feelings. People on that network talk about languages and thoughts and dreams they never had until they got numbers. Who's to say we won't get them next?"

Knowing that sort of behavior was part of why Shuji was glad he was around now. Maybe he could help to keep Shou in line, though he doubted something like that would ever happen. Shou would continue to throw himself into the situation as he always did, but Shuji could at least hope that the other would come back in one piece. Or enough pieces that Shuji could help to put him back together.

It felt as though people on the Network were lucking out a lot more than he was, but these people had also been in the city longer than him. Maybe it would be better to leave and pretend none of this had ever happened. Something dangerous could happen. Maybe the feelings about someone important were a lure to keep him there until it was too late to leave.

Shuji flexed his fingers, trying to keep them from shaking as he reached out and grabbed up his tea again. "I don't think I should keep talking about it."

(OOC: I AM SO SORRY for how laggy/flaky I've been lately. My life got really stupid and full of drama for the last few weeks and it's finally starting to settle down. orz;; If you want to wrap up with a summary and talk that over, we can, but I'm fine with backtagging.)

Shou snorted but at least he didn't comment on it. Instead he picked up his tea and took a sip watching Shuji. It rattled him; that he could see and understand. It was strange to Shou as well, but he thought that maybe there was a real meaning behind this number thing and that the restlessness he always felt would suddenly resolve into something different.

"So," he said, switching the subject for now. "I take it no one invited you to my birthday party?"

[ooc; No worries! We can work something out for their talk since it's been forever. :3]

"I don't talk to anyone, so, no." Well, he talked to his coworkers and occasionally would prod someone on the Network for information to try and dig up what he could on what was going on, but that was about it. While Shuji spoke, he was doing his best to keep the topic focused on something other than what he'd been experiencing, though he was clearly still rather nervous. He scratched at the side of his cup with one nail, looking back over at Shou.

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