[He holds up his arms to defend from the incoming balls, but ultimately fails. One hits him square on the cheek with a satisfying noise, the other brushes his raised guarding-arm.

Okay yeah his cheek kinda hurts (who knew throwing hollow plastic balls could hurt so much?) but he's not deterred.]

Hey, come on now, I've got two perfectly functioning balls here as it is! You should donate those to people who have ball cancer! Cancer! In their balls!