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[ Octavia is, as usual, sitting on her huge-ass pile of treasure. She's also sporting fangs and a pair of glasses with one lens blacked out like an eyepatch, thanks to her losing an eye during CRAB BATTLE. Arr, mateys. ]

First person to make jokes about my depth perception, call me cyclops or otherwise mock my heroic war wound gets mind controlled into licking the floor of the nearest public bathroom, just eff why eye. I am talking business! So I am cutting that shit off before it starts.

[ SO THERE. ]

So. The unpronounceable German place is oooooooobviously going to come with its own hugeass pink bad guy. A duck or whatever, I guess. And we are going to spend forever twiddling our collective thumbs until it pops out one day and surprises us like some kind of asshole! Right?

WRONG.

[ And she slides dramatically down the treasure pile. But leaves her laptop behind and has to fly back up and grab it. NOBODY SAW THAT OKAY ]

I recently got back memories of being really super great at finding enormous bad guys with very little to go on. The best at it! So tomorrow I am heading for Germany to go find the giant goose monster and kick the shit out of it. And then I will spend the evening being fucking awesome. Anybody whose age ends in -teen should totally join me! Because. Like I said. Awesome. It'll be like a camping party, only way less lame.

[ There's a tiny thoughtful pause before she adds: ]

Say, did you know the legal drinking age in Germany is just sixteen?

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[He's actually going to keep from commenting on that, for once. Because she has mind controlled him before and he's not taking any chances. So he'll focus on the more important things. Yes.]

Aren't you ewer the glory hound? But you're right, likely there will be some other Godzilla monster crashin' around Castle Neuschwanstein before too long.

[He wants to go, even though the idea is kind of frightening and he's sort of a huge coward, but he has his reasons...]

Good luck, I guess. At not dyin', or losin' anything else a walue when you go to play hero.

You're not going?

[ The blankest of looks. WOW. WOWOW. ]

So you are a wimpy wussy wimpmaster after all? After all of your protests and fussing? Man. And here I thought you at least had a sense of adventure!

does saying that you look like the shittiest pirate ever count as mocking your "heroic war wound"?

Yes. Yes it does.
Good thing you would never 8e so 8l8tantly insensitive as to do something like that, right????????
Especially since the memory I mentioned involved you wearing TWO eyepatches. Now THAT is some shitty pir8ting! Wow. >::::P

i bet they were still cooler looking than your glasses are

Two. Eyepatches. There is NOTHING cool a8out two eyepatches and you know it.
And if we want to get SUPER uncool you mentioned sharing a 8ody with ERIDAN.
Which is a8out as uncool as it is ever possi8le to get!

wow wtf.
thats just
no im not even talking about that.

and it doesnt even matter how uncool it was because rn i dont have two wear two eyepatches so i still am cooler than your one eyepatch.

Wrong!
Sharing a 8ody with Eridan is so heinously uncool that it infects all your other lives.
You are still marred 8y the experience RIGHT NOW. It was just that uncool.
No amount of eye-8ased scar tissue is going to EVER make me as uncool as that! It is a simple and undenia8le fact.
8ut hey! Look on the 8right side. You are still cooler than Eri. That counts for something, riiiiiiiight?

there isnt a single thing in the history of the world that is less cool than eri.

and your eye does two still make you more uncool because my eye is cooler.

[He's dubious of Tavia's ability to actually track anything down, but...]

I guess it can't hurt to scope it out--we're only helping, right?

Besides, I've never been to Europe before!

You have the weirdest idea of what is and isn't cool, oh my god.
(Except for Eri. We can all agree that he is definitively the least cool thing to have ever existed.)

Of course we are only helping. It's what we do! And if we poke and snoop and pry at things and find the flamingo monster as soon as possible, we will be saving those poor sweet innocent townspeople hells of trouble.

And by purchasing their alcoholic beverages, we will be improving their economy.

Woah... Wait a second Tavia, you never told me you were pirate!

You've got a huge pile of treasure and an eye-patch glasses and you never told me!?

I'm hurt but that's so cool!

you should've started with the drinking age

I've had the treasure foreeeeeeeever. Like a year! So it is super old news.

The uh. Eye thing is new. But I am rocking it because I am accepting the scarred mess under these glasses as a part of my incredibly badass image! Like I assume you are doing with your hair. Plus one badass point.

If I w8 until the end, it filters out any undesira8les who don't actually give a fuck a8out all the things I have to say. Duh!
This is 8asic stuff. Rule #1 of partying in Europe after finding and then taking down a giant pink 8ird. God!

Well I'm just finding out about it now, so it's new news to me!

...I'm guessing that happened when during the fight with the giant crabthingymadoodle? That's lame, but I'm glad you're alright otherwise.

The hair thing is pretty new and great. I like it, I can work with it. I already wore a lot of black and red so it goes well with it.

You might be dreaming a little too big, Tavia.

But... I'd be interested in coming along. Just to check things out. [ ... ] We can't let Vegas happen again, though.

is rule #2 "all alcohol selling establishments must be protected from the giant bird"

i am so here for this u dont even kno

[Have a facepalming giant bug.]

Oh, sure, a bunch of unaccompanied teenagers running around Germany is going to fix everything.

[A giant sarcastic bug with the mindset of a cranky old man, no less.]

I--

[He scowls at being called a wimpy wussy wimpmaster.]

Is that a inwitation, then? Do you want me to join you, is that what you're sayin' here?

I think the last thing we need is to be buying their alcoholic beverages, Tavia.

But I'm still on board for the helping out thing. So long as we don't, y'know, wake up the flamingo monster. The lights there literally just went up, I don't want to destroy half of Germany so soon. Maybe if we find it and bring reinforcements later or something.

[Rakka looks... contemplative.]

I've never been to Europe before... It's probably really nice there.

[Of course, there's that last part.]

It... is?

...Well, I guess the good thing about this is it's not my business if you all end up destroying some german town somewhere.

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