Lucas sniffles, nodding. "I just..." He knows Steven knows that his feelings for him aren't entirely innocent. He knows that Steven clearly doesn't feel the same way, or if he does, he doesn't want to. Which is really just as bad, if not worse, to Lucas. Probably what he meant when he said 'we're not family.' It does burn a little. It hurts. Lucas feels a nauseousness rise in his stomach at the tacit rejection.
Still... It's true that the two of them are bound together by fate, at least in some way. And even if Steven can't or won't love him... At least when he's with Steven, he's not alone. He can't fathom ignoring or dismissing his feelings... He is, after all, just sixteen. But he's been dealing with crushes on unavailable guys for his whole life. He'll just have to keep dealing.
He squeezes his knees. "Sorry, it's... a pretty ridiculous reason to cry. Kind of cruel, too, to cry about being lonely when someone's right here." He chuckles. "I don't think I could get rid of you even if you didn't know anything. We're partners, after all." Exactly what sort of partners, he wasn't sure, but the surety in the solid concept of partnership between them is one thing that resonates through all of Lucas' memories.
He sighs. "I'm sorry if I, uh... made you feel uncomfortable back there. I'm... kind of a mess. Even I know it. You promised you won't run, so I better promise I'll try not to... make you feel like that." He avoids Steven's gaze. Maybe it would be easier to be Philip and not care.
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Still... It's true that the two of them are bound together by fate, at least in some way. And even if Steven can't or won't love him... At least when he's with Steven, he's not alone. He can't fathom ignoring or dismissing his feelings... He is, after all, just sixteen. But he's been dealing with crushes on unavailable guys for his whole life. He'll just have to keep dealing.
He squeezes his knees. "Sorry, it's... a pretty ridiculous reason to cry. Kind of cruel, too, to cry about being lonely when someone's right here." He chuckles. "I don't think I could get rid of you even if you didn't know anything. We're partners, after all." Exactly what sort of partners, he wasn't sure, but the surety in the solid concept of partnership between them is one thing that resonates through all of Lucas' memories.
He sighs. "I'm sorry if I, uh... made you feel uncomfortable back there. I'm... kind of a mess. Even I know it. You promised you won't run, so I better promise I'll try not to... make you feel like that." He avoids Steven's gaze. Maybe it would be easier to be Philip and not care.