Yuri Tsukikage | Lily Tsukuyomi [StE AU] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
alilyinthemoonslight) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
savetheearth2014-02-24 06:25 pm
alilyinthemoonslight) wrote in savetheearth2014-02-24 06:25 pm
action; closed
Who: Lily, Winter [Closed]
What: Let's find out just who's more stubborn.The smart money probably is against Lily.
When: Monday, February 24th, Early Evening
Where: Adamas residence
Warnings: None off hand, besides at least one awkward girlfriend.
Lily felt like an idiot. It was actually a far more common feeling of late than she was really used to. This, however, was markedly stupid.
The memory Jasmine received when faced with the stone snake. Lily had avoided her sister's drawings of the event, and danced around her attempt to describe it. The pain of remembering Cologne still fresh in her mind, she didn't want to run the risk of seeing something horrible and having to deal with it in front of her sister. Jasmine was already dealing with so much, and Lily felt it her responsibility to be as strong for her as possible.
It was her responsibility.
She had also promised herself to find out more. She needed to know more, for both her sake and Jasmine's. The month had been such a jumbled mess of emotions on Lily's own end, though... She knew it would be easy to find out. She could force that echo to happen any moment she wanted. She had an idea of what would happen when she did it, and she thought she prepared herself mentally when she took a peek at Jasmine's sketch pad the night before.
She couldn't have been more wrong about being "prepared."
Cure Moonlight fought Dark Precure beneath a massive tree. The "Heart Tree," which apparently Moonlight was destined to defend. A tall man in a mask watched. The combatants clashed, summoning wands of some sort, with a level of energy, power, and ferocity she had never seen... and Cure Moonlight fell. She sent those fairies she'd seen before - those belonging to Cure Blossom and the blue haired girl - to seek a replacement. Her medallion, the very one Lily had been using to transform this whole time, shattered as she tried to defend herself in a weakened state...
Then, there was just light.
The image of fighting her sister, of being defeated by her... Possibly worse. It shook her far more than she wanted to admit. Far more than she would admit. Even if Jasmine had talked about it to her, she couldn't bring herself to talk about it to Jasmine.
Because worse than anything, she could understand what Moonlight felt in all of that. This memory had come soon after something else. Something very horrible. Moonlight's heart was already in turmoil from the beginning of it. The sense of loss was already very real before she had lost. The intensity with which she fought had a reason behind it.
With everything else she had seen and felt, and that particular feeling of loss...
It had to have been very soon after Cologne's death.
The emotion was too fresh, and his presence too lacking in spite of the other fairies, to be almost anything else.
And then, what of Moonlight's fate in all that...? The "Heart Perfume" she lost and sent the fairies with was one thing that she didn't recognize, but... She couldn't get a sense of chronology from what little she knew so far. Could this have been where Cure Moonlight died?
Except... she knew Blossom was Moonlight's successor, and one of those fairies was hers. If they were seeking that successor then, surely those other memories were later? ...right?
...she had to convince herself of that. She may not have gotten any sleep the night before, but had she not held to that, she wasn't sure if she would have been able to function that morning, or through school. For once, it was Lily keeping her distance from Jasmine, but only through that morning. She... would just suck it up when she got home that night. She couldn't let it hold her down.
"Our lives are our own," was something that kept circulating through her mind, even if in that moment it seemed to be almost in a sense of forcing herself to ignore all this. Either way though, she couldn't... let this stop her from living that life.
Which was what brought her to the Adamas residence's doorstop sometime after school. While she felt it would be poor form to just come... crying to Winter so soon after everything, and admitting her feelings, there was a selfish part of her that wanted something nice. Or at least some company. When it came down to it, Winter's was the company she wanted most.
She'd said before she might be a lot of trouble in the future, but she didn't want to lay that on her. She had already done so much for Lily, she didn't want to just be a burden. The thought as she approached was simply to ask her to dinner. She wasn't sure how such a thing with Jasmine also present counted on the whole scale of "dates" but... She did want to do this more or less "right." She would have to eventually, right? While she could have just called, she told herself she wanted to do it personally, push past her embarrassment. If Winter was her girlfriend, then... There was no reason to be embarrassed, right? Not anymore.
Of course, there was also that nagging voice in the back of her head that said all she wanted was a comforting face and voice, or a hand to hold. She wanted someone to tell her it was okay. But... she didn't feel like that would be fair, either.
Best to just... put her mind elsewhere.
Thus, she rang the bell, and tried to shove those thoughts aside.
What: Let's find out just who's more stubborn.
When: Monday, February 24th, Early Evening
Where: Adamas residence
Warnings: None off hand, besides at least one awkward girlfriend.
Lily felt like an idiot. It was actually a far more common feeling of late than she was really used to. This, however, was markedly stupid.
The memory Jasmine received when faced with the stone snake. Lily had avoided her sister's drawings of the event, and danced around her attempt to describe it. The pain of remembering Cologne still fresh in her mind, she didn't want to run the risk of seeing something horrible and having to deal with it in front of her sister. Jasmine was already dealing with so much, and Lily felt it her responsibility to be as strong for her as possible.
It was her responsibility.
She had also promised herself to find out more. She needed to know more, for both her sake and Jasmine's. The month had been such a jumbled mess of emotions on Lily's own end, though... She knew it would be easy to find out. She could force that echo to happen any moment she wanted. She had an idea of what would happen when she did it, and she thought she prepared herself mentally when she took a peek at Jasmine's sketch pad the night before.
She couldn't have been more wrong about being "prepared."
Cure Moonlight fought Dark Precure beneath a massive tree. The "Heart Tree," which apparently Moonlight was destined to defend. A tall man in a mask watched. The combatants clashed, summoning wands of some sort, with a level of energy, power, and ferocity she had never seen... and Cure Moonlight fell. She sent those fairies she'd seen before - those belonging to Cure Blossom and the blue haired girl - to seek a replacement. Her medallion, the very one Lily had been using to transform this whole time, shattered as she tried to defend herself in a weakened state...
Then, there was just light.
The image of fighting her sister, of being defeated by her... Possibly worse. It shook her far more than she wanted to admit. Far more than she would admit. Even if Jasmine had talked about it to her, she couldn't bring herself to talk about it to Jasmine.
Because worse than anything, she could understand what Moonlight felt in all of that. This memory had come soon after something else. Something very horrible. Moonlight's heart was already in turmoil from the beginning of it. The sense of loss was already very real before she had lost. The intensity with which she fought had a reason behind it.
With everything else she had seen and felt, and that particular feeling of loss...
It had to have been very soon after Cologne's death.
The emotion was too fresh, and his presence too lacking in spite of the other fairies, to be almost anything else.
And then, what of Moonlight's fate in all that...? The "Heart Perfume" she lost and sent the fairies with was one thing that she didn't recognize, but... She couldn't get a sense of chronology from what little she knew so far. Could this have been where Cure Moonlight died?
Except... she knew Blossom was Moonlight's successor, and one of those fairies was hers. If they were seeking that successor then, surely those other memories were later? ...right?
...she had to convince herself of that. She may not have gotten any sleep the night before, but had she not held to that, she wasn't sure if she would have been able to function that morning, or through school. For once, it was Lily keeping her distance from Jasmine, but only through that morning. She... would just suck it up when she got home that night. She couldn't let it hold her down.
"Our lives are our own," was something that kept circulating through her mind, even if in that moment it seemed to be almost in a sense of forcing herself to ignore all this. Either way though, she couldn't... let this stop her from living that life.
Which was what brought her to the Adamas residence's doorstop sometime after school. While she felt it would be poor form to just come... crying to Winter so soon after everything, and admitting her feelings, there was a selfish part of her that wanted something nice. Or at least some company. When it came down to it, Winter's was the company she wanted most.
She'd said before she might be a lot of trouble in the future, but she didn't want to lay that on her. She had already done so much for Lily, she didn't want to just be a burden. The thought as she approached was simply to ask her to dinner. She wasn't sure how such a thing with Jasmine also present counted on the whole scale of "dates" but... She did want to do this more or less "right." She would have to eventually, right? While she could have just called, she told herself she wanted to do it personally, push past her embarrassment. If Winter was her girlfriend, then... There was no reason to be embarrassed, right? Not anymore.
Of course, there was also that nagging voice in the back of her head that said all she wanted was a comforting face and voice, or a hand to hold. She wanted someone to tell her it was okay. But... she didn't feel like that would be fair, either.
Best to just... put her mind elsewhere.
Thus, she rang the bell, and tried to shove those thoughts aside.
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And then the doorbell rang and she paused, setting her book down and getting up, Raquel coming to rest on the arm of the chair just in case. She ghosts across the carpet to the door, feet padding lightly on the tile at the door before she pops it open without looking first. She's expecting it to be someone to see her mother, perhaps, or to ask her father questions on a recent piece, or maybe a salesman or a religious call (though the latter had gotten sparse lately; the happenings around town had left a number of people thinking God had taken the last bus out of town, as far as she can tell).
She wasn't expecting Lily. And her eyes light up for a moment before the surprise quite registers, and there's a tinge of concern in her tone. "Hi, Lily. I wasn't expecting you... is everything okay?"
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...
Par for the course, so far.
She smiles, though it comes a half second later than one would expect. "Sorry to just stop by." She stops for a second, that question hitting her. She visibly fidgets a bit, and whether that came across as a 'no' or just 'still unsure of how to do this sort of thing' would be up to Winter. "Everything's fine, just... I was wondering if you were doing anything tonight...?"
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Seeming to realize something as she watches Lily fidget, she adds, "Oh, um, please come in! I'm sure you would rather not stand on the step all day..." She steps aside, starting to gesture toward the hall.
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It did.
All the same, her cheeks react similarly when she does realize Winter's general state. She does take the offer to enter, with just the slightest bit of trepidation. She had been in Winter's home before, but... well, somehow that felt a bit different now. "I don't want to intrude. I was just going to see if you'd maybe... care for dinner? J- just the two of us, this time?"
Her gaze drifts, that whole "embarrassment" thing she was trying to work through rearing its head. "But if you're already settled in for the night, it's fine, I just..."
'Needed someone to talk to.'
'Needed to talk to you.'
'Am about to go crazy if I keep thinking about this memory.'
All of these are things that run through her mind, and its enough to give her some pause. Still hoping her general awkwardness is covering her, she looks back and smiles again. It's a bit forced at the corners of her mouth, however.
"...guess I'm still working on this whole thing, a- and... maybe I was trying to figure out a good excuse to come see you..."
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Something seems... a little off about Lily tonight. Granted, their general awkwardness of how to proceed was a very good excuse. But... hmm. Perhaps going out wasn't in their best interest. If Lily wanted to try, that was fine. But there was no way Winter would suggest it on her own, aside from just now.
Returning inside and to the couch she'd been all ready to sink into, she slides a shiny metallic bookmark back into the book before shutting it and setting it aside, returning her gaze to Lily. "You don't... need an excuse to see me, Lily. I like you. I want to see you. I'm... g-glad you came." Thinking for a moment, she adds, "Do you want to do something now, or just... relax for a little bit first? It's still early."
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She frowns to herself, before turning back to look at Winter and approach the couch. It's looking more and more forced, but Lily herself doesn't even realize it. The compliment is good enough though to distract her for a moment, and in spite of that forced smile, it causes a stupid look to cross her face.
"Ah, um... thank you," she manages, before taking a seat. The thanks applied to a lot of things there. "I don't want you to trouble yourself to go out anywhere though, since you looked like you had already settled in..."
She drums her fingers on one knee for a moment, shifting uncomfortably in the seat. That nagging, terrible vision that kept her up the previous night was still replaying itself even in the presence of something much nicer to see. If even that couldn't dispel it from her mind's eye, she couldn't think of a lot of things that would. She also remembers the things Winter had told her back in the library that one night... after all of this, didn't she owe her honesty? Even if she was worried about just seeming... needy.
...not that Winter was likely to see it that way... she hoped.
She takes a breath, eyes shifting to the floor. "...Winter, actually... the truth is..."
Pause.
Wait.
That's what was bothering her. It was way too quiet.
She looks up, blinking a little bit.
"Are your parents not home?" she asks, and by the end of that question her voice pitches up to be just a bit squeaky. Bringing Winter to her house when her sister was still there was one thing. For just a moment, at least, it was enough to distract her from the more pressing things in her mind, if only for a moment.
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Seeing Lily get caught up in nervous tics, though, Winter can't help but feel like there's something she can do. Even if it's small... as Lily's hand runs a beat on her knee, Winter puts her hand atop it, squeezing her hand. And just as Lily starts to finally open up, and she feels like she's doing something useful...
...oh. That could be a problem. And she's just now starting to process it as she blushes. "Um... no, they aren't. It's j-just me here." Alone in her own house, with a girl she kind of definitely liked... well. That was kind of awkward in a whole different way, and she's registering that the house feels oddly warm all of a sudden. Is that why Lily took her jacket off, maybe?
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"I- if it's okay for me to be here, though I feel a bit like I'm... inviting myself into your house for dinner that way," she murmurs. "Feels like I keep doing things and don't realize what they are until I'm there, lately..."
She sighs, and looks her in the eye. Her stomach twists, and the smile fades.
Dammit.
She can't sit here and lie to that face, even as she tears her eyes from Winter's. She almost lets go of her hand, too, and her grip loosens momentarily... but she just as quickly resumes it. As if there is a very important need to hold onto someone, or to her. Maybe there was.
Trying to be dishonest with her would be disrespectful to her, though. And she never wanted to do that.
"...I'm being stupid again. Sorry, I..."
She bows her head, shaking it at the same time.
"I did something stupid. I... didn't know what I was doing coming over here. I kept telling myself it was just to see you, and it still was, but... I didn't know what to do with this, I just felt like... like if I came in here crying about my own mistakes, it might look like I was trying to just... oh, I don't even know. Every one of these I get makes me feel like... I'm just going to become a burden to someone eventually. Or to you, and..."
She takes a breath, realizing she isn't making much sense.
"...I forced an echo, again. I think... I think I need to stop doing that..."
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The things her friend is doing are... not very Lily-like. Or rather, they're very much like the nervous, uncertain, slightly scared Lily that a combination of Valentine's Day and recent pulses have left behind. Which is not the Lily whose company she wants to enjoy. Mentally, she pulls on her therapist-in-training hat; this was going to be something major, she could tell, and it would be a disservice to Lily to just try and ignore it, or to wash it away with affection. There's a lot going on behind the worry on Lily's face, and she wishes she could simplify it. Take some of it away, or onto herself. She wanted to be close enough to Lily to share her pain, so it didn't have to hurt so much. But... they weren't. Not yet.
"Everyone... makes mistakes. I do, too. I would... be a h-hypocrite if I tried to deny that. But you'll never be a burden, and I don't mind if you come crying to me when something happens. I want... to share your pain. To take it away, if I can. It's one of t-the only things I can do, a lot of the time. Trust me, okay? Don't get caught up in yourself."
And then she admits why she's here, and Winter goes still. "You do need to stop doing that. I take back some of what I said. You are being stupid. J-just like Jasmine. Didn't you learn anything from having to go rescue her? Didn't you... think of what the consequences might be? Lily, I can't save you from yourself!"
It's a sharp admonishment, and her hand's a little too tight around Lily's. But the look on her face isn't anger - it's fear.
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She closes her eyes, another sigh escaping her lips. "You're right, and... that's not fair to you. I'm- I'm sorry, it's just..."
She opens them back, forcing herself to meet Winter's gaze. If she didn't do that, if she couldn't do that... She didn't feel like she very well had the right to any other time. Winter said to trust her, and Lily did. It was just... scary to see that look.
"...when we fought the snakes, Jasmine received a vision. She... told me about it. Only pieces of it. Dark Precure and Cure Moonlight fighting. A man watching. She drew pictures, just to get it out of her system... I avoided looking at them then. Avoided her going too in depth into what the pulse was. I couldn't bear the thought of how I might react if I received something on par with remembering Cologne, if I lost it in front of her like... like I did then. Because I... didn't want to scare her."
She sucks in a breath, and is surprised when it becomes a sniffle. Dammit.
"I felt like it was my responsibility to know, though. I... looked at her sketch pad last night, and it hit me. From Moonlight's perspective. I saw... Dark Precure and her fighting so ferociously, I saw a tall man in a mask... I felt this raw, unmistakable pain from Cure Moonlight that... couldn't have been anything except the loss of someone close... And, then... She lost. Cure Moonlight lost, she sent other fairies to seek a successor, followed by an explosion of light, and... That was it.
"...seeing someone who looked so much like my sister, knowing she was trying to kill Moonlight... and..." her voice shook, just a bit. "I keep trying to piece other memories I've gotten together in my head. Try to tell myself otherwise, but the truth is... I don't know. I don't know this isn't where Cure Moonlight died."
She clenched her eyes shut then, trying desperately to hold back a flow of tears from her eyes. "You're right, Winter... You can't save me from myself. I was so, so stupid. I though I knew what was coming, but... I was so wrong. And Jasmine's been dealing with this for weeks! I never realized just how horrible it actually was..."
She opens her eyes back, and they're quite damp at the corners, but the tears are held back regardless. "I wanted to know because of that, though. Because she's actually started to be so strong here, lately. Taking steps to help herself. Meeting people. Being supportive of... of us. I felt like I owed it to her, I just... I couldn't bring myself to do it in front of her. I was still scared, and... I guess I had good reason to be. She always wants to act like I'm so strong, that I can do no wrong, and... For so many years, it's felt like that's what I had to be. That I can't show her or anyone that there's anything wrong, that I..."
Finally, she breaks contact with Winter's eyes, and looks down. She tries to keep her shoulders from shaking, but fails. "I'm so sorry, Winter. You don't deserve this... I screwed up, and I can't just expect you to fix it. I... I just didn't know what else to do."
What she said about sharing that pain, or taking it away rings in her head, but how can she ask that then? It was her own fault, good intentions or not. She wanted to be better than this, for her sister, and now for Winter.
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But that said nothing about Lily's pain. Pain Winter wanted so much to just take away, right now. Because she could see how much this ate at her. But she... she didn't have that power. All she had was her words, and her fists, and there was nothing she could beat up to fix this. And that makes her mad. This power... what was it even good for if you couldn't even protect the things right in front of you? What good were these hands? All she can do is hold onto the things important to her.
Which is exactly what she does, latching onto Lily, throwing her arms around her like she's afraid her friend will disappear. She's close enough she doesn't need to be loud, and she doesn't trust her voice anyway; she's not sure she trusts her hands, either, because she's shaking with the suppressed urge to scream at the unfairness of the universe. What was in Rikka's past? Cute pink-haired girls, dedication, and a life spent in service to someone else. Lily had so much more to work through, and she'd bet anything that they'd only scraped the surface. So it's in a whisper that she starts to make herself heard, sounding quite unlike herself because her fear and her anger are taking hold of her and pushing her personality aside: "You're damn right you screwed up, Lily, and I'm not a miracle worker. But I am going to do whatever I can to help you through this, because it kills me to see you like this, and because you deserve better. So just... shut up for a minute and listen to me, because we are going to fix this, no matter what I have to do." She doesn't even want to know how Lily's thinking of her right now, because this is such a departure from what the poor girl's seen that it's got to be putting her off at least a little.
"I keep saying this, but that girl is not you, and the Dark Precure you keep seeing isn't Jasmine. Separate them. If not-Jasmine had a problem with with not-you, that's her problem. But your sister loves you, and if she heard you saying what you just told me, she'd tell you off herself. Believe in her. She's not just going to turn into a homicidal monster because something popped into her head one day. I have that much faith in her, and you need to, too, or she's not going to have it in herself, and it might come true.
"And don't worry about whether that was Moonlight's end or not. That's not something you can fix, even if it was. And there's so much more for you to learn. You know nothing about past-you - do you even know her name? Don't draw conclusions until the picture comes together. I've made that mistake once already. I won't let anyone else make it, least of all you."
She takes a deep, ragged breath. The anger she's trying to push aside, that Lily thought she needed to do this, is coming out with this. As much as she's doing this to help Lily... she's doing this for herself, too. She needs it, now. "You're right that Jasmine's amazingly strong, to not let this get to her. You need to follow her example and get it together, or she's going to see that she's putting you off-balance. How do you think she'll take that? That she is the cause of you being unable to deal with things? It's going to break her, Lily, the same way this is breaking you now. Don't let her doubt you. Talk to her, explain yourself. Tell her you're scared. You can't hide this, or she's going to find out the hard way, and you'll lose your chance. She knows you've been her rock for so long, and she wants to return that favor. I'm... sure of it."
She's quiet for a few seconds, and it's like something's passed, and she almost feels like a different person than she was while she poured all of that out. She's tired, almost, and she rests her head on Lily's shoulder. Then: "I want to see everything. Your pain. Your worries. Your drive. Your love. Don't ever... f-feel like you have to hide from me, okay?"
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The only person she is upset with over it is herself. For Winter, she feels nothing but gratitude, and yet more reason to think she did the right thing saying how she felt about her. These words were something that Lily had long since needed, but never would have asked for.
She tries to talk a couple of times, eventually. At first, the attempts fail miserably, the only sounds exiting her being ugly, barely restrained sobs and sniffles. Inevitably though, she's able to get something out, her voice rough and almost quivering. "Y- you're right... About everything, Winter. I- I know you are. I know, I've... I've tried so hard to tell myself all of this... I have faith in her, I trust her, I love her and want nothing but the best for her, yet...
"I'm still so, so scared. I've heard of, seen other people... who were changed by their pulses... even if just a little bit... It's all one big puzzle, isn't it? Our past lives were tied so closely together, I keep- I keep being afraid that she won't just get the wrong piece, it'll be me who gives it to her. I try to tell myself otherwise, try to have faith in her strength... try to support her in every way I can... If I did something to hurt her, really hurt her... I wouldn't be able to forgive myself..."
She sucks back a sharp breath, and then without thinking about it anymore, throws her arms around Winter, hugging her back tightly. Desperately. As if Winter right then and there was the only life line keeping her steady, and she may well be just that. "That's... what I've been afraid of... But you're right... They aren't us... Jasmine is, and will be stronger than that... It's what I keep telling her, and if I... if I can't believe that I'll have been lying to her, I will have been hurting her. But... seeing it. Seeing someone who looks so much like her, looking so malicious... Wanting to kill Cure Moonlight so much... Seeing someone who looks like Jasmine doing all of that hurts, and I want to ignore it, but..."
She stops herself. No. She can't turn right down that path again. She has to not just listen, but she has to actually follow through. She knows that, but pushing herself to it is another matter.
"But you're right," she repeats, and swallows. Though the tears are flowing down her cheeks still, the worst of her crying is starting to subside. "I need to... be honest with her. I need to be able to trust myself... I told you before, Winter, I'm no good at asking people for help. T- telling them if something hurts, if I need anything from them... The first person in so long I was able to do that with is you, so I was... also afraid of it seeming like I was just coming here for sympathy...
"I can't... I can't do this again. I know that. For her, for me..." she sniffs again, and pulls back enough so that she can look Winter in the eyes. "F- for you. I really... just wanted to make you happy, but if you'll see those ugly parts of me sometimes, too... I..." She clenches her eyes shut, trying and failing to rid them of some of her tears. "I trust you, I know I can, and I... I know I don't need to hide those things around you. I'm sorry, Winter, and... thank you."
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"And I think you can do the same thing," she says, plowing on, whatever Lily might want to say edgewise being rolled over without consideration. She does have the urge to run a hand through Lily's hair gently, which she concedes to, shifting a little. "You... care too d-damned much. Just like me. But Jasmine has more faith in you than that... so do I. It'll all... b-be okay. I promise. You'll see. Whatever happens... the t-two of you are inseparable. I a-admire that. And I believe... you can take pride in that bond. Take shelter in it. Whenever you can't cope with things... t-trust in Jasmine." A pause. Then, much softer, barely audible even whispering into Lily's ear: "Trust... in me, with anything that scares you. Anything that moves you... confuses you... excites you."
Sighing, she keeps going, in that same soft whisper, looking deep into her eyes when Lily pulls back, searching for traces of that same self-doubt she knows quite well how to look for. Searching for the hate she's lived with for years and not known how to release. Searching for the person she loves inside the scared young woman in front of her. "I can... work with the ugly parts. I love those, too, along with everything else about you. I... think you're v-very brave, to keep going even after all this. So you don't have to apologize to me. All of us... have worries. Being able to face them... is what strength is, I think. You being you... is more than enough to make me happy."
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"I will, Winter... I- I will trust her, I have to, and... and she's been so much stronger than me without even realizing it, she... she needs to know that, and I've been doing her no favors by not saying it... She has all of that faith in me, I need to... I have to repay that to her, and..." She gradually takes notice to Winter stroking her hair, head tilting a bit in that direction. "I will trust you... I've already done that with you more than anyone, because I... I trusted you with..."
Lily places a hand over her own heart in the next moment, but the following words are caught in her throat. Winter's words finish sinking in, and a particular word sticks out in them. For her to say she loved anything about Lily makes her head spin for more than a couple seconds. Almost enough to distract her, but not quite. She blinks hard then, trying to clear her eyes enough to be able to see the other young woman's face. She lets out a long, calming breath and reaches up, placing her hand against Winter's cheek.
"If you can do that, then... maybe I can figure out how to accept all those things about me, too..." Her lip trembles, and she bites down on it. Not knowing what else to do, she leans forward, just resting her forehead against Winter's. Just to have something to lean on, and knowing that she can lean on her when need be. She wasn't sure what else to say. She'd already thanked her profusely, she'd apologized and been told not to.
"I'm lucky, Winter... for you, I- I couldn't be any luckier than to have you..."
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And that motivates her to be bolder. To make decisions that she can look back on later - that some 'other her,' centuries from now, can look back on later - and see that she made without regrets. Without restraint. Without worrying about what some 'other her' did. Rikka Hishikawa is dead. Winter Adamas will live on, and take pride in every second of her life, until her last breath.
Removing the hand she'd had around Lily, she searches out her partner's free hand, interlacing her fingers with Lily's, smiling serenely. "I will remind you... as often as you need me to. Probably a l-little more than that, even. We'll keep making memories. With Jasmine, with the others... or just you and I. We... will burn them into our h-hearts, so we never forget."
She keeps her mouth shut for a long moment; Lily doesn't need her to affirm her trust in Jasmine any further. Although... I trusted you with my heart. The message is... pretty clear, and that kind of trust was more than she expected. More than she'd prepared herself for, and it just makes her even more confident. Although... it scared her a little, too. They were on a wild rollercoaster of emotions, and it was pretty clear she was in charge of the ride. If she wasn't careful... they'd crash.
Which was why she couldn't let that happen. Even if she weren't confident in herself on this one thing... her affection for Lily was growing at an astounding rate with every passing hour, and this was making it skyrocket. "I'll... show you all those things I've seen. And t-teach you to love them... the way I do. One by one... as long as it takes." Her hands aren't free; there are other things she wants to touch right now, but the ones she was already holding are... soft, like she's started to get used to. Started to adore. The forehead on hers, and the gentle hand on her cheek makes her smile wider, even as her cheeks flare, finally catching up with everything she's been saying.
"That's... my line, Lily. You are... one of the best t-things to happen to me in a long time."
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The feeling of their hands linked is all the more comforting, and once more she is struck but just how comfortable she feels like this. With her. There was a lot already burned into her heart at this point, and she wants it to stay that way. To continue that way.
Then, there's that word again. She doesn't feel as taken off guard this time, but it still makes her stomach flutter - in a good way. Her own cheeks burn a bit, but it might not be noticeable beneath the gross crying.
"You are too, Winter. I- I..."
She gulps. For as wordy as she could be, this still remains the place where that dictionary in her head fails her. So she draws in a sharp breath, and pushes ahead that short distance instead. Her lips brush Winter's, but it's completely different than the other day. It's brief, attempting to communicate something she feels but can't figure out how to vocalize then and there.
She pulls back a little, gripping that hand of hers a little tighter. "Thank you. Again."
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In any event, she's... really feeling good at this. Even as much as she'd wanted to scream earlier, as afraid as she was for Lily earlier, it seemed like she'd gotten through. She'd communicated the things that worried her, that she didn't want to watch happen again. And Lily had been receptive to those concerns. It didn't hurt that Winter had kind of dumped a truckload of feelings onto her in the process; if someone she liked had done that to her, she'd be a dazed, blushing, giggling wreck for the whole night at the very least.
When Lily starts to say something, Winter focuses. So much that she almost doesn't notice when Lily leans forward. But the feeling of the brief contact burns through her as she tries to work out what had just happened; she blanks for a second, though she recovers in time to hear Lily's soft thanks. Which... gives her an idea what that kiss meant.
"You're welcome, Lily." It's quiet, but honest. And she's silent for a long moment afterward, comfortable with Lily's presence for a little bit. It is a little awkward on some level with Lily here alone and Winter in the process of demolishing every mental block the girl has semi-accidentally, but this was what she had to work with. A silent house, and two attractive young women that liked each other quite a bit.
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Maybe she had been going at it the wrong way this whole time. She needs to change things, and for the first time realizes how much that's true.
She just smiles gratefully at Winter for a bit. Perhaps sort of stupidly, sort of liking the simple gesture of their fingers linked together a little too much. The silence of this empty house does start to become notable as she calms down, however.
Oh. Right. It is Winter's house and there wasn't anyone else there. The awkwardness of all that starts to set back in, and her eyes shift a bit. "Did you... still want to have dinner somehow...? If you're... hungry, I mean..."
Actually Lily wasn't terribly starved, but... she also felt like if she didn't say anything they'd be sitting there staring at one another for a few hours. Although, that may not have been a terrible option.