handwritten;

[telvanni]

I have spent the last week painstakingly enchanting a small selection of high quality magical staves. Since I am a wizard, I find my own powers of spellcasting are more than sufficient for my needs. As such, I do not actually need the staves I have made. They were produced simply as a way to hone my craft; nothing more.

This means I am giving them away to certain parties that may be in need of them. If you would like an enchanted staff that fires elemental blasts at your foes, you need only make your case to me. Preference will be given to applicants who as of yet possess no useful echoes and agree to submit to some harmless tests.

No time-wasters.

Comments

[telvanni]

[ Nathaniel seems completely unfazed by the slight blunder. In fact, he looks delighted. He pulls a little ring-bound notepad from his pocket and begins writing in it. ]

No harm done, no harm done... [Scribble, scribble.] Wonderful. A good, strong result. Perhaps a touch inaccurate, but lightning can be tricky that way...

[ He finishes writing, tucking the pencil he was using into a little pocket on his old man sweatervest before holding his hand out. ]

I need to inspect the staff myself for a moment, and then it is yours.

[telvanni]

[ It doesn't take long for Nathaniel to investigate the scratching. He opens the door and -

Why is nobody here? Has he been pranked. BLOODY KIDS. He's awaiting guests, how inconsiderate can people be?

He peers around the street to see if he can spot the little miscreants that obviously messing with him. Obviously. What else could possibly be going on here? ]

[telvanni]

[ Nathaniel claps his hands together gleefully. GOOD RESULTS MAKE HIM SO HAPPY YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. ]

It certainly is. Come! We shall test if you are capable of using it.

[ If he was wearing wizardly robes and could swish them dramatically to go with his theatrical pronouncement, he would. As things are, he's wearing a green sweatervest. It doesn't have quite the same flair.

Still! He heads out the back door of the shop, which leads to a little walled-in yard with a rock garden. THE TESTING GROUNDS! ]

[telvanni]

[ By the time Emil returns, Nathaniel has already placed a rather silly-looking walking stick on the shop counter. He's also wearing an impressive scowl, but that's probably less interesting. ]

Your consideration for others is exemplary. Lay hands on the staff. I would like you to tell me what - if anything - you feel.

[ Magically-attuned or exceedingly intelligent people will feel a buzzing, amost crackling sensation. This lessens as intelligence/magic ability weakens, so someone who is neither smart nor magical will feel only a faint hum within the wood. ]

[radiantchicken]

[Oh, thanks for opening that door, man. The parrot just walks on inside as the door is opened and Nathaniel peers around outside for nonexistent hoodlums.]

Hello!

[So that is definitely the voice of the dude from earlier, but it's coming from that tiny parrot standing on the floor near the doorway.]

[grannyfucker]

[Jovan hesitates, but eventually does follow him out the back door. And thank goodness he did, too, because that shop is WAY too stuffy to be standing around in while wearing all these layers.]

Okay...and? What now?

[telvanni]

Indeed. I do have a few requests, for research purposes. I wish to know if you remember any form of magic in your "past life," and a brief description of your personal qualities and talents would also be of use. Use five adjectives to best represent you, perhaps.

text;

[telvanni]

Most intriguing. I would request that you notify me if your hypothesis changes, more for my own curiosity than anything else.
I also need to know which enchantment you would prefer on your staff. Fire or ice? I have none enchanted with lightning left, but if you feel particularly strongly in favour of that element I could produce one sometime next week.

[telvanni]

Ho ho. "Enchanted." Very droll.
Thus far, my research is progressing as hypothesised. Increased mental ability appears to confer more power to the spells emitted by the staff, as well as less drain on the enchantment.
The range in results isn't especially drastic thus far, but I propose that as my talent grows the differences in power will grow more pronounced.

[telvanni]

I absolutely agree. Giving her a means of self-defense is only practical. We are already at war, and being over-cautious ninnies who try to shield children from the reality of it will only lead to tragedy in the long run.

As I have a number of subjects already, I don't require her to submit to testing unless she wishes to. If it would be more convenient for you both, I could post the staff to an address of your choosing.

handwritten;

[telvanni]

[ Three dots in black ink for you, Marisa. ELLIPSES ALL THE WAY. THAT COUNTED AS TIME-WASTING, U LIL SHIT ]

[telvanni]

BY GOD'S HOLY BACKSIDE!

[ It's a good thing Mister Parrot already walked in. Because if he were still outside the door, Nathaniel would simply have closed it and gone to bed early. He is so not ready for this shit. ]

It's--

You're--

BIRD--!

[ So eloquent. ]

[telvanni]

Grasp your staff firmly -

[ Don't laugh, asshole, he will fry your ass ]

- and focus on the energy within it. Then point it at the stones -

[ With a nod towards the rockery ]

- and will the power to leave the staff. Intent is all you need. It's exceedingly simple.

[radiantchicken]

[The parrot flaps his wings and ruffles his feathers a little as he's startled by the volume of this sudden outburst, but he keeps his calm otherwise.]

Yes, I'm a parrot. A red and blue lory, to be exact.

[Still said with that same very human-sounding voice and sounding like it is the most obvious, casual thing ever. Like he's just discussing the weather.]

[abhero]

[Emil has been scowled at many times before, looks can hardly bother him. The staff, though… it’s a bunny. He can’t walk around waving a bunny around, how stupid would that be?! Maybe he redesign it, add color, hang things on it to make it look cooler.

He’s kind of a dumbass, but magically inclined - not that he knows it yet - so he pulls his hand back after a moment.]

It’s not gonna blow up in my face, right? 'Cause it's buzzing.

[telvanni]

You could be a bloody harpy for all I care!

[ Closing the shop door, now. Best not to draw undue attention. ]

How do you expect to wield a staff when you are a parrot. You're a sodding bird, why are you a bird...

[ Massaging his temples and closing his eyes. Because life is pain. ]

[grannyfucker]

[Oh, he gets the joke, but right now he's got more important things to deal with.

Like fucking MAGIC, apparently!

Jovan grabs the staff with both hands for extra steadiness and aims it at the rocks. He isn't sure how to "focus on energy" or "will the power" to do anything (what is this medieval fantasy bullshit), so it takes him a good thirty seconds of standing there pointing the thing and holding his breath before he gets any results.

But then, sure enough, lightning shoots out of the dollar-sign and strikes the stones. Jovan stumbles back a few steps, but when he catches sight of the rock, charred and smoking, he starts laughing--weakly and breathy, but laughing all the same.]

Holy shit!

[He didn't just grasp that staff, he clutched it by the ball and fired that baby like a gun!

Now if only he could be that good in bed.]

[not_good_not_wicked]

[It was 5 seconds, you'll get over it.]

You're a wizard, though? A proper wizard who actually knows what you're doing rather than memorizing a catch phrase the turns you into a super hero?

[mood2wiingiing]

is it going two be hard for us two figure out how two use it on our own?
cause yeah its probably easier for us two not go two you but if its going two be hard two use it then dad would drive us or just her two come get it so you can show her how two use it.

[radiantchicken]

I'm a bird for the same reason that you're a human--that's just how things are.

[The parrot flits up to a shelf, where he can maybe have a civilized, rational discussion without getting stepped on.]

You never said how big the staffs were! And I did say I can't do much with anything that requires fine motor control.

[He still considers the issue.]

Maybe I could perch on one?

[dead_black_eyes]

[L is so not-dangerous that a Blood Key would, and did, refrain from messing him up too badly because he was so pathetic.

That's not much of a defense mechanism though, and it's a large reason he was so quick to reply to the offer for a stave.

When they enter the shop, he is careful to wipe his feet; his shoes look like they've seen much better days, beaten converse sneakers that are practically falling apart. They contrast sharply with his relatively new-looking coat.]

It has to be a light one. As much as I want to see the extent of your expertise, I might have to be content with just looking at some of them.

[Both hands come out of his pockets, and the left one is much like the right; thumb and forefinger bend and grip properly, but the other three digits aren't really earning their keep.]

[sassymaru]

i try :D

which means smarter people are better with your magic staff ? yes/no?

[tenaciousc]

1. Not so far. Some things suggesting high tech, though.
2. Okay... [She has to think on it for a minute.] Curious. Calm under pressure. Realistic. Good listener. Good at puzzles?

I'm not really a fighter but I ran into several Keys a while back. I could use something like this to defend myself if a similar situation comes up.

text;

[telvanni]

[ AND ONE ECHO LATER: ]

I don't suppose the term "Dragonborn" means anything to you at all.
Any memories of opening ancient black books?

[telvanni]

I resent the implication that I would be anything but a "proper wizard." My predecessor did not merely enchant staves: he created the very apparatus used to apply the enchantment.
He was, to use a direct quote, "the most powerful wizard you are ever likely to meet."