savetheearth | Entry #A-4: "Ante" [February 21, Text]

Entry #A-4: "Ante" [February 21, Text]

Though the police and the Blood Keys obviously represent a threat to many numbered individuals, I have a question about organized religion, and what pulses might mean when framed within certain philosophical contexts. No matter how natural it might feel, if there really is another being nudging its way into an existing consciousness, changing a person's aptitudes, physical attributes and even their personality... there have to be at least a few churches that would consider that demonic possession, right? Has anyone tried to reconcile what's happening with influential religious practices, and do we have any resources for assisting anyone who might wind up the subject of an attempted exorcism? Those still happen today, they can be extremely dangerous, and I'm concerned about the possibility of frightened numbered people seeking out such assistance, or being subjected to it by their families and communities. Thinking you're crazy is one thing, but sincerely believing that the devil is wielding you as an instrument is another entirely. Probably not something that the FAQ page can successfully assuage, for the most tenaciously convinced.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

And all this was before your echoes?

Pretty much. I've gotten mellower since these pulses, surprise surprise.

And are you OK with that? Do you feel like your original personality is being erased?

Hardly. I just think it's more of a mutual blending than actually my mind getting overwhelmed by feelings of a gangsta.

So you're saying it feels natural. Even welcome, maybe? Do you like yourself better, now?

...Whadda mean 'like myself better'?

I mean... if you had the option to be who you were before, versus who you are now and who you're becoming... what would you choose?

They are all me. All sides of it is what I am, who I am, what I'll become. The only difference is a kind of violence to my other that I don't have.

That's an interesting perspective. There are others who would say that what they were in that other life shouldn't define them.

The problem is that what we were in another life echoes back into what we are now, or I've noticed that with myself.

I'm sure that's not a problem if people generally like what they were, and what they're subsequently becoming. But... what if they were bad? What if their personality isn't changing so much that they understand they were bad, and want to change it?

I think that is something you've got to focus on. Do you want your personality to fall into the same ruts as before, or do you want to rise above it and become something new?

From what I can tell, he was a hero. zhe saved the lives of children. He had and was everything I ever wanted.

Edited 2014-03-03 06:41 (UTC)

And you're looking at that and wondering how you can become him?

I'm wondering if I can. The more I learn, the more it looks like his back must have broken eventually under the strain of being who he was.

[And in a lot of ways, Lazarus can't even handle being who he is.]

Then take it slow. Don't try to push yourself into the mold, but try to take what pieces you can from it and work it around who you are. I may not be some wise-mouth yakuza punk, but I can use some of the guts to get through a situation he'd laugh off.

Thanks for the advice... even if you don't know my particular situation, I suppose it's a good general standard to live by.

[just... give him a second to laugh at himself here.]

I can't believe it... I'm doing it again.

What, precisely, are you doing?

[He has his own idea, but he wants to check the extent of the guy's self-awareness.

Acting like I'm twenty years older than I really am. It's been a little weird when I get all preachy over stuff I usually don't care about.

I see your point, but it really isn't so bad to seem like you care. It's unusual for people to be particularly interested in me, or how I can better understand my life.

[He lives with his therapist. This is not really true.]

I do care. Thing is about this numbered stuff is that if we don't at least try to work together, we'll never get anything done. It's one of our bigger weaknesses, the whole not working together thing.

I can't claim to have ever been much of a team player. But I want to help any way I can, even if it means stepping outside of my comfort zone. Since we're all undergoing significant changes, working together just seems to make sense.

It does make sense. I hope others see it that way too.

I think a lot of us aren't team players. Or we're use to a certain kind of team to play with. Everyone's got a comfort zone this network is forcing them outta.

There seem to be odd exceptions, but for the most part, it is recognized that we're all in this together, I believe. Maybe everyone will come around before it's all over.

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