savetheearth | Video | How much do these suppers cost? We'll take them out in hate.

[At first the camera doesn't show Fay, since he hovers out of view for a moment, to the left judging by his voice.]

Ah, so... Something a bit unpleasant happened a while ago while I was helping out a friend here on the network. That is to say, not in the actual helping out - though it got a bit dramatic there for a moment - but I got another of those pulse-thingies back.

[An off-screen sigh, and then Fay sits down in front of the camera. Notice anything different? Well, probably if you've ever seen him before. He's wearing some cloth over his left eye.]

Or rather, one of those pulse-thingies took something from me. My eye, to be precise.

[He's still smiling, but it's clearly more a reflex than anything, because he certainly doesn't look happy.]

The vampire thing seems to compensate a bit for the loss, but I'm still not jumping for joy, you know? I should've expected it, considering I remember someone eating it, but... well, it's not the sort of thing you can prepare for.

So I'm just wondering... I mean, the whole point with these things has seemed to me that we're still supposed to get things we didn't have before, not... lose things that are kind of useful to have, right? So has this happened to anyone else?

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Mm, but it could've been worse. I mean, it hurt when the eye just disappeared like that, but it wasn't the pain of having it sucked out and chewed that I remember? So at least there's that. [Wow gross.]

Small favors, right?

Ug, just trying to imagine what that felt like, that is so messed up.

Seriously, who eats someone's EYE. Totally unreasonable.

[[pardon him, he has a song stuck in his head now.]]

Well, to be fair I think there was a reason of some sort. Because I remember him bending towards me and I'm pretty certain he had brown eyes, right? But then after he- [Pause to grimace a bit, moving on.] -his left eye was the same blue as mine used to be. So he took my eye by eating it. Don't ask me why, but it must've been important somehow.

Still gross, though.

So he absorbed it by eating it?

The fuck does that work?

Or is this another "Our vampires are different" thing?

No clue, sugar. Though I'm pretty sure he ain't a vampire, seeing as how my eyes- eye goes yellow whenever I feel the scent or taste of blood.

Though he must've been powerful, I guess, since I can't even remember struggling.

[And surely you would struggle if someone was trying to eat your eye, right?]

The fact that he could steal your eye by eating it kind backs that up.

Though if you weren't fighting it, kinda wonder if maybe past you made a deal or something. Unless he was the type to just laydown and let anything more powerful than him do what it wanted?

[There is a moment as he tries to focus on the memory, something he's tried to avoid doing as much as possible, and then a slightly shaky exhalation of breath.]

I don't think it was either. I can remember... I remember not wanting to fight. Like it was better to let him hurt me than to hurt him, somehow. Like that was the lesser of two evils.

[[a slight pause. He... felt like he should know that feeling. And when he identified it, it turned his stomach.

Creampuff. Creampuff had felt that dealing with Asshole. Knowing everything he did was futile, every way that he fought countered with something worse.

And then in the end giving up and giving in because the cost to fight was too great...

He hated that feeling. ]]

That really sucks. Sorry for bringing it up.

You know... it's okay. [He sounds confused and a bit upset, but also in some strange way... calmer.] I avoided thinking about it, because it really sucked, but I shouldn't have. I should've tried to figure out as much as possible. Shoulda woulda coulda and all that, but yeah.

But now I think I get it. Somehow, that boy was... a friend or something. Someone I used to care about. Not sure why he was doing that, but I still cared too much to hurt him.

[He breathes out again, this time more steadily.] Really, thank you. I'm a bit too good at not thinking about things that upset me sometimes.

Same. Gets you through the day, you know?

Least it was someone you actually gave a shit about, rather than someone who was just steamrolling you. That's at least something.

Yeah, though sometimes it means life comes and smacks you in the face because you ain't paying attention.

[He hums softly and a bit wryly.] Honestly I ain't sure what is worse or better. I think the me back then would rather have been just steamrolled, as weird as it is to say that. Like... he didn't mind being hurt that much, but it felt terrible that a friend was doing it. [A pause.] Past me had issues.

Like he wasn't a friend any more, but because he had been, it hurt too much to fight?

Yeah, exactly like that. And like I... I felt guilty about it all, somehow, so I didn't feel like I had any right defending myself? Don't make much sense, but that's the feeling.

Like what had happened was your fault?

Sorta, yeah. Like if... if I'd done something differently, maybe things would've turned out right, that sort of feeling.

[[a bit of a pause.]]

If you always second guess shit like that, you'll never be able to move forward.

What's done is in the past. And you can't change the past.

[Fay makes an amused little sound, and a faint rustle may be him shaking his head.]

I have rather come to terms with that. Ain't no point in going around beating myself up for things that are done with. But past me... it's just a feeling, really, but I think he was the type to blame himself a lot. [Ahahah. Haha. Ha. He has no idea.]

Good that you have that, at least, so his emo won't overtake you.

Video | How much do these suppers cost? We'll take them out in hate.

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