Hey, yo, 'sup. JoJo here.
[ He waves, also showing off some fancyass leather gloves. Despite his friendly attitude, he looks pale. When he speaks, he’s out of breath.
Got some requests for another movie night. [ huff.
] So I’ll play those in a bit. It’ll give you somethin' to watch while waiting for me to show off my new super power. You guys wanna see it? I mean, I think it’s pretty cool.
[ huff puff. He holds up a small, Harlequin Romance novel (The Dare, specifically). He presents the book to the network much like a stage magician presents a new prop... before he starts tearing it to pieces. Each page is torn out and ripped up; not even the cover survives. In the end, there’s a pile of what was formerly a particularly hot, steamy novel.
So, I’ll ruin the suspense... I can put it back together. It takes a longass time, but, man
, like a phoenix, this crappier Fifty Shades will rise from its higher quality ashes.
[ huff. He takes off his gloves and just shoves a hand into the pile of ripped paper.
But, like I said, we’re gonna be here for a few hours. So while we wait, here’s some more movies...
[ huff puff. On the schedule tonight and throughout the next day are a few old Godzilla movies, Wickerman, The Bee Movie, Space Jam again, Birdemic and the sequel, half of Gravity before JoJo half-heartedly apologizes and says it’s too stressful, a Batterman movie, MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE, White Chicks, and Billy Madison. In the corner of the screen, he’s set up his webcam to focus on the former book throughout the movie marathon. If you’re observant, you might notice the pieces of it slowly pulled together until entire pages are mended. But you've got to be insanely observant—it’s like watching Game of Thrones streamed off particularly slow internet while also running Skype and iTunes simultaneously. A little more obvious is that Jonas passes out halfway through the first movie and doesn't move except to skip Gravity before passing out again.
In the end, the book's back together and it takes an hour or so after the last movie, but JoJo wakes up, looking worse than before. He puts his leather gloves back on, runs his hands through his hair, and offers a sleepy grin.
So here's the real question... [ JoJo presents the book to the network again. The text on some of the pages on the inside is missing. He doesn't seem to notice, though.
How am I gonna make some big bucks with this power?