*The feed starts with a picture of a beautiful red sports car, as seen from somewhere off to the side. It's not doing so hot right now: some mangled twist of metal has speared the passenger's seat through a brand new hole in the back windshield. There's light boot-shaped dents on the hood, ceiling, and trunk, and mud and bits of unidentifiable crud litter the tire wells.*
Does someone want to explain to me what happened to my car?!
Call me. NOW.