savetheearth | [text/video] backdated to march 14th

So first off, I guess I should say I'm okay. Sorry for not saying so earlier, I was kinda dealing with some stuff. My parents are going nuts with everything that's happened, I've been trying to keep up so I could figure out what's been going on with their theories. Here's what Unlocke The Truth has been saying lately:

Lots of robot talk. People are theorizing about the giant ones--nothing solid there yet, probably because the thread got locked down after like 6 people started a nasty argument over a couple of the robots in particular, and whether they were based on the robots from Adamgelion or Proselytion (whatever those are)

Other robot talk: apparently two of them were making out? People are speculating on robot reproduction and what this means for the cybernetic master race that will eradicate all humanity.

Someone caught some video of a bird guy, and people are trying to link him to the pigeon theory from a few months ago. They're saying he must be the king of the sentient pigeons, which means they must be moving to phase two of their plan.

giant people. Some are saying the giant robots must be their clothing and they just decided to park their suits outside while they went to fight naked. The lack of genitals means they're either aliens or infertile crossbreeds--probably between Mt. Rushmore and an anatomical skeleton. Or they're the armorless offspring of those robots who were making out--it's unclear what they think on that right now.

Kids in costumes. Do they always dress like this and lurk in our schools pretending to be dressed up 'just for fun', waiting to unleash destructive powers? Some are calling to ban frilly dresses, spandex, and capes in all schools across the country, they clearly mean a kid's involved with shady snake demon gods and might bring disasters like this to their schools if they're left alone.

They finally got confirmation about the bug people in the sewers, they think they were at least cooperating with Thunder Corp on poisoning the water back in August.

LOTS of talk about the cops and the FBI, they're going nuts over it. According to them, they made a deal with some of the animals that were spotted in the fight (I think people mentioned a horse, a unicorn, and a blue centaur-thing?) to genetically modify cops to give them animal parts just like them, in exchange for immunity from the law. Octavia and Alan were framed for terrorism because they snooped and found out about the deal--the real culprits behind the bombing months ago were the animals.

Shawarma must be the source of everyone's powers and should be banned by the FDA for public safety.

Also, I didn't check in earlier because I wasn't really sure I was 'okay' for a few days. I don't really know how to explain this...

[He switches to video.]

Okay, remember how I found out I'm dead a few months ago? Well, uhhh...surprise? Turns out, I'm actually something else. [He backs up a bit so that there's a wider view of him in all his white-haired, spandexed glory. Not for long, though, because a couple of flashing lights and sparkles later, Danny is looking as normal as he ever did before the network. His hair is black, his eyes are blue, he isn't glowing, and the spandex is nowhere to be seen.]

Apparently, I'm only half-ghost, whatever that means.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ . . . Ok. Maybe that wasn't the smartest thing to do, in his attempt to maintain his secret identity within his secret identity.

Secret Identityception, if you will. ]

So, you're basically like a "magical girl ghost"? You say a few words, and presto, ghost time?

[ Now, there's a possible culprit from the "giant douche" post a while back. But really, that's the last thing on Gerald's mind because he totally messed up. ]

I'm actually an alien from Area 51. I know this stuff. ;)

[ Playing it cool. So so cool. ]

[...well that was an unfortunate echo.]

Well I don't have to say anything to do it, but I guess I did have some like keywords for it.

Also? I know you're not from Area 51. The idea that aliens and UFOs were at Area 51 was a decoy theory set up by the government during the Cold War to throw suspicion onto a perfectly normal air force base so that the Russians wouldn't realize that they were doing the real alien testing at the Tonopah Air Force Base.

[You just made the mistake of referencing Area 51 in the midst of somebody who grew up steeped in all the myriad conspiracy theories of the universe and their varied histories. Now he KNOWS something weird is up.]

So you were a magical boy. Or magical ghost. Actually, let's go with the magical ghost boy.

[ the second part though is cause for... some alarm, maybe. Because seriously. What. ]

...Who told you that? Because it really sounds like they've got a few of their facts mixed up there.

I don't think so. Just because I fight with magical girls who do that sort of thing doesn't mean I'm like them! I'm pretty sure this ghost stuff isn't magic at all, anyway.

...and how do you know what the real facts about Area 51/Tonopah are?

[text/video] backdated to march 14th

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