savetheearth

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On this network I've seen a lot of things. People have always seemed divided on issues, and how to treat the Blood Keys looks to be no different. There's been a lot of anger here, and to be honest, I can understand that.

But others have expressed why they feel it's wrong already. There's nothing I could really add to that. So what I would rather do is ask you all a question.

Who do you want to be?

I don't ask what you want to be, because I'm not sure how much of a say we have in that. But we can decide who we are, and maybe knowing each others' answer to that will help us better understand one another.

So I'll start. I want to be someone who can help others. It doesn't matter how big or small that help is - but I want to be capable of that. Not just for my family, but the people around me who need it.

I'd like to know your answers too, if anyone's willing.

[ooc: Not sure if I need to mention but if you guys want to reply to each other, feel free to!]

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[he would respond with text, he would, but this is Pierce's number and Pierce knows him and this is such a topic that he has to say it out loud, to someone he trusts]

... I just want to be me? Like, I don't know who I am yet. The whole college, job, family thing. But I want to be me.

I don't... want to be Armin? Someone said she knows people whose personalities change. I don't want that.

[Generally he'd stick with text himself, but Anthony's a friend. And he's using audio, and it feels wrong to respond differently]

'Armin', huh? Have to say, I'm pretty partial to the name you've got, as it is.

I've worried about changing that much too. It's scary, the idea of being overwritten, or something. Of being some other guy who looks at the world differently.

But I want to believe we've got some choice in that. We haven't forgotten our lives here, right?

Edited (repetition woops) 2014-01-19 09:26 (UTC)

We haven't! And that's what makes me upset. [Stay calm. Don't yell, and express yourself.]

Because... it's not fair? It's not. Even if we're still who we are here, and even if we resist the changes in our personality, the memories still stick. I still remember everything I've seen from Armin and-- I don't like it.

We never asked for this. If Armin got to live his life as himself, why not me?

You've got a point. Whoever we might've been, they did get to live their own lives, otherwise we wouldn't get hit with so many things. Our lives aren't the same now.

[Anthony's concerns are completely reasonable and he can't disagree with any of it. Hell he's terrified of what he's turning into, himself]

Maybe the point of knowing those things isn't that we have to be those people. Do you think it's possible there's something we're supposed to learn from it?

I know we're changing, but we're not erased. And I bet we can be more stubborn than whatever this is that's affecting us.

Something we're supposed to learn from it...?

I don't know. I think no matter what happens, people will always learn something from it. But I can't even fathom what these things are supposed to tell us. I've honestly been feeling like crap ever since the last Echo.

[He'd get into what he means by learning something, not that it's more than a vague theory, but how Anthony's holding up is more concerning right now]

Something it'd help to talk about, or would you rather not revisit it?

I don't know.

It just sucks because-- well, it wasn't really a memory but a nasty feeling? [He sighs heavily, and there's the sound of him rolling over on his bed.]

Armin's life sucked. I think he felt like crap a lot, and I get to share it.

I think I can understand, a little.

[He hasn't really told anybody about...well, darn near anything, but this is Anthony]

The first thing I got back was being really...really afraid of something. I haven't remembered very much of anything, but negative emotions that aren't even yours are pretty lame.

Wish this Armin guy had some happier stuff to share with you, if he's gotta share at all.

Maybe eventually. There's gotta be something bright and lovely even for the life of a soldier, right?

I hope if you've got to see it, next time it's a good memory.

Everybody's got to have at least a few really good ones. Think it'd be tough to function even for a soldier if that wasn't the case.

I think it'd be tough for us. If the guy didn't know anything but... you know, titans? I think he'd just be used to it.

Titans? Sounds like something out of Greek mythology.

[Though he doesn't sound the slightest bit disbelieving. This is Anthony after all]

If that's the case, we'll just make sure there're positive memories in this lifetime. Balance it out.

[He sighs.]

I just want to make my own, positive or negative.

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